Gender Identity Resources

Last night I had the pleasure of chatting with an awesome transsexual woman. She is fun, intelligent, beautiful and very much as a woman as I am. I however had the luxury that most of us enjoy in that I was born with my physical sex matching my mental and emotional sex. I've never been uncomfortable in my own skin, I've never felt torn between what I can physically see and what I emotionally and mentally know to be true.

I can't tell you how much my research into transgender issues and gender identity has affected me. I do have a whole new understanding of some very serious issues facing our lovely sisters and brothers out there. 41% of the transgender population in the United States have attempted suicide according to www.livescience.com. When my guest indicated that she was to the point of detachment and ready to be done with the struggle it nearly broke my heart.

Then it kind of pissed me off because she had done nothing wrong! She struggled to hide, suppress, repress and otherwise deny who she was and for what? The sake of society being comfortable with her being a part of it. Let me say that again in bossy caps... SHE HAD TO HIDE, SUPPRESS, REPRESS AND DENY WHO SHE WAS FOR THE SAKE OF SOCIETIES COMFORT. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who can see how wrong that is. It's not the individual (in this instance) who needs to change who they are (they are not criminal or deviant), its society that needs to change how it views its members.

Our brothers and sisters are being marginalized, trivialized and sexualized by a self proclaimed all inclusive society. Well naysayers, cry me a freaking river! My transgender brothers and sisters are just as valuable to society as every other member of that society! The only perversion with this condition is the way the non-affected choose to view those transgender members of society.

So anyhoo, before I go off on another "asshat" episode (which by the way I did get into trouble for hehe) Let me do what I intended to do at the very beginning of this episode. Share some resources. If you know someone who is struggling and doesn't have access to the internet, print out the phone numbers for them.

CenterLink This awesome link has a map of LGBT centers nation wide.

Gender Talk offers up a huge resource asset.

The HRC a hugely active association with news etc...

GLAAD's Transgender Resources page.

Susan's Place another great Transgender resource page.

TransEquality is a National Organisation dedicated to establishing Equality for Transgender people.

The Transgender Center offers even more resources and the awesome Gender Bill of Rights by JoAnn Roberts Ph.D

More Light Presbyterians is an awesome organization that promotes acceptance and provides guides for spiritual leaders to be inclusive of ALL people. (Kudos to MLP!)

AAMFT provides links to counseling services for the Transgender person, their family etc...

The Trevor Project The Trevor Project, if you or someone you know is in crisis please contact The Trevor Project here or at 866-488-7386 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.

Employers with Transgender Friendly Policies This says it all.

Sex Talk with Curvy : Gender Identity Yes, shameless self promotion! :D A girl has to do what a girl has to do. Karin is really exceptional and an inspiration!

I said in this episode that I would gather resources, here they are. One thing I do want to point out to people is this, if you know someone who is dealing with gender identity issues share these resources with them. If you are a family member of someone who is dealing with gender identity issues, read these. If you are interested in activism and openly supporting our Transgender brothers and sisters, get involved. If you are one of the referenced "asshats" cut it the F out! Seriously. We don't like it!

It's so much easier to be who you are, to be true to yourself than it is to try to please the whole of society. (It can't be done anyway) So promote what you love, promote the rights of others it's so much easier than fighting against something. If you think about it there is so much negativity in this world, if we all quit fighting the things we don't like and started promoting those things we wish to be implemented life would be so much more peaceful and fulfilling.

So in that spirit, I promise not to call anyone an asshat (for being an asshat) for the next 60 minutes. Now I need to go lock myself in my bedroom and make sure to have all electronical (yes it's made up) things turned off so I can keep my promise. :D

Stay true to who you ARE, stay sexy, stay strong and as always...


Stay Curvy!
XOXO

Private Parts

and Public Opinion.  I really really really hate discussing political topics. With the election going on and "hot topics" like this going around, I tend to have an issue with keeping my big mouth shut.

Now there is a term, biting off more than you can chew and even with my big mouth this can still happen. I'm quite certain that this will be one of those times. So buckle in and get ready for a ride on the Curvies Opinion Train. (Doesn't even SOUND like fun) But this is bothering me so I'm going to get it off my chest and deal with the ramifications later, like laters baby!

Earlier this weekend I'm chatting with a gay couple, who by the way are adorable. The topic comes up, what is my position on gay marriage. Me, being the anti-clause of the political holiday, I usually stand there with my fingers in my ears going "I can't hear you, I can't hear you, I'm not listening, I'm not listening" It usually works for me, unless it's in regards to this topic or the cop who pulled me over the other day. (For the record I wasn't speeding, I had to pee)

So after being unable to avoid the conversation, I had to come up with a position. I fumbled about for a moment and finally said "What does it matter where you put your private parts, as long as you are with a willing partner" Apparently that was the lamest position this couple heard. I got the smirk and hand on the hip, "Say what" that made me continue to ramble on about private parts etc... They gracefully let me out of that rather uncomfortable corner I had stumbled my way into, with a simple "Not standing up for anything, means you will fall for anything."

I had this conversation ringing in my head for days and I sat down and started thinking about "Marriage". Marriage is often called an "institution". I recall not so many decades ago, when there were other "institutions" that didn't allow women to be students, or African-Americans to attend. Then I think too, it wasn't so long ago that the laws governing the institution didn't allow mixed race marriages between a man and a woman.

Then I start thinking about sex, (I know it's shocking, right) and I remember that there are laws regarding certain sex acts that were still on the books until 2003 when the US Supreme Court invalidated laws against "Sodomy". (See Lawrence v. Texas.) Prior to this US Supreme Court decision, 36 states had previously repealed these laws but it was this case that invalidated the remaining states "Sodomy" laws. Now, I don't like the word "sodomy" and for the most part, what is considered "sodomy" is any "Unnatural sex act" including Oral Sex and Anal Sex.

Now I have to back up. Say what? You mean to tell me that as a married woman, prior to 2003 I was committing an illegal act? Handcuff me now! (No really I like it) I can't help but offer up a nervous giggle thinking that some bureaucrat in a stuffy brown suit is telling me where I can put my girlie parts, on whom I can put them, and for that matter where I can put them. I'm calling bullshit on this play.

Finally I start to think about how these past laws affect people today, (as if I would ever give up the oral). I try to conceive of how same-sex marriages will affect mine. I try to think of one thing I will lose if my gay couple friends get married. What sanctity am I losing? How does it take away from my own marriage? How will it affect my child? You know, I might not be the sharpest tool in the tool shed, but I cannot for the life of me come up with a single way lesbian and homosexual couples getting married will affect my marriage. After all, if it's an institution doesn't marriage then fall under the 14th amendment and particularly the Equal Protection Clause that says, "the states could not, among other things, deprive people of the equal protection of the laws."

Now for another argument I've been subjected to regarding Marriage Rights, is that marriage is a Christian union in the eyes of G_d. That's sweet, but I have to break it to you, long before Christianity there were union passages such as hand-fastings etc... So again, the modern concept might be claimed by one or another, the simple fact is that people have been coming together in union for thousands of years. I also ask of this notion, if it's a Christian union, then is the marriage between atheists not a real marriage?

So I like to talk about sex, but when the government or spiritual conglomerate begin to tell me who, when and how I tend to get a little "tinkled" off. It's my parts, and as long as the person I'm backin' it up on is of majority age and a willing partner there should be no laws regarding my union. What's next? Will we say married couples who engage in BDSM are committing an unnatural sex act and therefore their marriage is null and void? As for the sanctity of marriage, puhleese, the sanctity of marriage went away with $499.99 + filing fee divorce attorneys, it died when it became easier to get a divorce than it was to get married!

Maybe we need to work on creating happy, satisfying, safe marriages for ALL couples, rather than worrying about where people put their private parts within their marriage.

Anyhoo, my only opinion is that if you are lucky enough to find love, to find that person you want to spend your life with CONGRATS and go for it! It's not my business what you do with your private parts, nor your tax write-offs based on your sexuality.

It's my desire to make sure you have fun, stay safe and as always...

Stay Curvy!!

XOXO