Remember when I said...

that is was important to shake things up in 2013


I suggested that ladies learn some sexy moves?  Sadie is the most viewed Belly Dancer on youtube. If you can't see why, then I'm so done talking to you.  :D

Now, I've had a love affair with belly dancing for as long as I can remember.  Watch this video and get inspired.  Really, the benefits of belly dancing are tremendous.  I mean in addition to the fabulous, awesomely sexy costumes.  Ok fine , that's the first benefit, but the others are just as important.

So here are my top tens for starting a belly dance class or video program.

1)  Awesome costumes.  No really these are freaking fantabulous!


See, told ya fantabulous costumes, IJS


2)  Cardio.  I know doc, that should have been first but did you see the costume?  Duh, priorities.  Anyhoo, Cardio YES Yes Yes.  Belly dance is a fabulous form of cardio exercise.  Happy ♥!

3)  Improved posture.  The moves of Belly Dance rely on a strong core, and spine.  Proper posture in performing the dance is imperitave and far reaching in that the moves transfer into our every day life and posture.

4)  Increased blood circulation. Yes all those shimmies, shakes and pops will get that blood flowing in all the right places.

5)  Improved muscle tone.  Undulating hips, hip drops and arm stances will improve your core muscles as well as your lower and upper body.

6)  Weight loss.  Cardio + Movement + Muscle memory = Weight Loss  Simple math, and sexy fun.

7)  Stress reduction.  Dancing, exercise, cardio all go a long way to reduce stress.  Belly Dance can also increase our self-esteem & sex drive thus reducing our stress levels further.

8)  No - Low Impact exercise.  Traditional Raqs sharqi is considered by medical professionals as no to low impact while more rural or tribal types of belly dance like Beledi may be low impact due to the step force of the dancer.

9)  Arm strengthening without bulk.  Holy batwings sisters, Belly Dance tones up the arms in a way like nothing outside of it and without bulking up.

10)Aid in digestion.  All those belly undulations help with digestion.  It's true, google it!  Not to mention that the core strengthening while assisting in digestion it also helps to improve and ease childbirth and works the pelvic muscles!

Oh and did I mention it's super sexy.  The muscle memory of belly dance relays directly to the bedroom and the moves, those undulations, hip drops and thrusts are oh so fun to employ in both the tease and the please stages of sex and intimacy.

There are about 697,495.3 dvds out there dedicated to belly dance, each one with its own merits.  Also most urban areas will have a zumba class and if you can find that, you can find a belly dance class as well.  There are a tonne of resources online just for sexy belly dancers out there.

I've been belly dancing for years, for sexy fun and stress relief.  One of the things that I love about belly dance (aside from super sexy) is that it's not size restrictive.  I have seen some gorgeous curvy chickas shake and shimmy right along with their skinny sisters.

So get active, stay safe, start those shimmies and as always...


Stay Curvy...

2013 Style Sex

No really everyone is going to do it differently in 2013.  Why? Because everyone wants to do it better!!!!  So here's my top ten on better sex in 2013.  Its not to late to add in a little sexy resolution.  I won't tell if you don't tell!

Sexy Journal Naked!!!

Yes, yes yes.  Keep a sexy journal in 2013 and do it naked!  Write down all those naughty thoughts that make you blush or that you are too afraid to speak.  Explore yourself, explore your sexuality and do it all in the buff, naked, nakie, in the bared cookie, nude.  I'll bet within 3 months you're having more sex, in 4 months better sex and in 6 months thinking of journaling professionally online with all your naughty thoughts.

So here we go with ten starters for you...

1) Get your kinky on.  I don't care what it is, as long as it's legal, explore it!!!  Listen if you want to have crazy monkey sex in a hot tub full of pistachio pudding with the Las Vegas version of Elvis wearing a tutu and singing Blue Suede shoes, then go for it!  Why?  Because who gives a shit, there is someone else out there that wants exactly the same thing or a complimentary thing as you do.  Your Elvis is out there, so is the chef who wants to make that pistachio pudding, and a housekeeper who can't wait to get their hands into that hot tub and might want to join you and Elvis in it and the Karaoke Bar Owner who gets a woody every time they hear Blue Suede Shoes.

2) Get your voice and be prepared to be heard.  Speak people.  Put down the blackberry, look into your lovers face and speak!  Don't you even think of talking about the weather or work, speak about sex.  Ask, Listen, Learn/Understand and Respond.  These are the basics of a conversation.  For some reason we ask what someone wants or needs and the conversation ends there.  No, this is not hearing or being heard.  Ask what turns your lover on, Listen to their response, Understand exactly what they desire and Respond in turn.

3) Get outside the box.  As in outside the bedroom, or outside the house.  Maybe even outside the yard!  Explore your surroundings as you explore your sexual desires.  Sex can happen in so many places and intimacy or foreplay can happen in even more places.  On your next dinner out, casually mention to your lover that you've been using your Luna Beads and they happen to be inside you right now.  That will give him or her something to think about throughout dinner.  If you can bend over in a skirt you can have sex.    I know, it's awful and cheeky of me to suggest getting it on in the elevator.

4) Get off your back.  Explore some sexy positions, what a great reason to start a yoga class and talk about dual purpose!  Seriously.  Take a look at your sofa, or coffee table and imagine all the positions that could be done on those awesome little pieces of furniture.  Find yourself fantasizing about all the different ways your household furniture can bring you and your lover closer together, in more ways than one.

5) Get sex off the calendar.  Be spontaneous.  Be adventurous and stop with the old Thursday romp whether you want it or not.  Seriously, if you want to spice up your sex life the quickest way to do it is to stop with the routine.

6) Get to the fun stuff.  Do you bore yourself to sleep?  Are you as entertaining or engaging as a box of rocks?  Are you as serious as a heart attack?  You do know that taking yourself too seriously means you are missing out on a lot of laughs and some opportunities for intimacy with your lover.  If you find yourself always focused on some "major" thing you cut yourself off from the life (and sex) that is and could be happening right in front of you.  So lighten up, your problems will be there until you deal with them, but your loved ones cannot be neglected.

7) Get assertive.  Assertiveness is a fabulous thing.  It means you can say no to those things that and obligations that tend to creep in on your intimate time.  Assertiveness in the bedroom and regarding all things sexy is a sign of confidence and is super sexy.  So learn to say no and mean it and learn to go for what you want.  Of course as long as it's with a willing & consenting partner.

8) Get intimate.  Spend a few moments each day being intimate with your lover, or with yourself.  Why not?  What is it really going to hurt to go the long eye gaze, or that self exploratory slide or rub in the bubble bath?  Intimacy starts with communication and honesty so once these two things are in line, intimacy becomes quite second nature.  Happy couples all over the world will tell you that their sex lives correlate with their level of intimacy.  Intimacy comes in many forms, talking, touching, cuddling, kissing etc...  so stop worrying about why you're sex life is lagging and start to pay attention to intimacy.

9) Get involved.  I used to live the term separate but together, then I divorced it.  Separate but together is a misnomer and a fallacy.  Oil and Water can be separate but together in the same glass, and we have the same reaction, they just don't mix well.  You cannot expect a healthy, happy relationship if your are in a relationship and one is oil while one is water, it just doesn't mix.  So if your relationship is worth keeping, then it's worth getting involved in your partners interests, life and extra curricular activities.

10)  Get active.  I know some of you out there reading this made a resolution to either "get healthy" or "lose weight".  Don't deny it, I made it too.  But this year, I plan on doing something a little differently.  I've decided to find activities that are sexy.  What better reason to get up and go to exercise class if you know that it's going to make you feel sexy and perform better sexually?  So my top 3 activities for the ladies in 2013 are:

     a.  Belly Dance
     b.  Yoga
     c.  Pole Dancing

and for the guys are

     a.  Yoga
     b.  Stroke Skills - Seriously need to check this out.
     c.  Salsa lessons

So guys and dolls, don't let 2013 get away from you.  Get your sexy on, stay safe and as always...


Stay Curvy!
XOXO

Part Two of Intimacy and Sexual Fulfillment

You can find the original post here, at www.curviesmuses.com the original blog.

In the first segment of this series we discussed communication.  While communication is highly important, we can not end it with talk, we have to take action as well.  I talk about sex and sexuality all the time, with strangers, family, friends and unknown listeners.  I can even discuss intimacy and things I'd like or my love would like but with those who are not the aforementioned lover, in these cases the intimacy stops there with the discussion.

We have to remember that the communication aspect is like giving a speech, you're expressing your ideas.  Now put that into this context, if Bill Gates, the guy that owns the world, yeah him. Or Steven Jobs? What if he only expressed his fantastic thoughts on an undeveloped program called Windows, then never took the action required to make it happen?  Seriously, where would computer technology be today?  What if Steven Jobs, choose to talk but not act?

Now sure that is a pretty grandiose example, but when you think of your long term relationship, it's pretty grandiose as well and could span several years of your life, that you can't get back.  So think of your intimate communications as a type of foreplay.  Having the discussion is enough to get me all randied up, and I'm sure I'm not alone in that aspect.

The next step is one of action.  I've been known to text the honey with an directions, date & time for us to meet.  Usually under the guise of a work related thing, but it can be just a quick meet up for lunch as well.  Now this isn't an every week thing, we can go months without either of us wanting to plot something sexy to get that fire lit again.  So I generally take advantage of this fact and set our meeting place at our local naughty store, lingerie store or one of our fabulous wineries in the area.  Now, I own an adult store, so saying "Guess what I got from UPS today?" just doesn't hold the same excitement as it did a few years ago, but it's a fabulous intro for those who shop online for their sexy toys.

I know, an awful ploy to get the honey to tell me what he thinks about this toy or that piece of lingerie.  Plus I love his reaction when we are browsing the sexy offerings.  Personally I like to schedule these sexy dates a few days in advance of our weekend so that we can each have something to think about and get us waiting breathlessly for our couples only night.

I've had a lot of people talk about spontaneity, yes yes yes.  This is fabulous, but not necessarily going to happen if you are in a sexual rut or going through a dry spell, so to speak.  The entire point of this segment is to help you get out of that funk.  BUT, spontaneity can still be a included in this.  Go through the planning process and surprise your lover with it at your time of choice, you can encourage them to do the same.  Regardless, the use of communication should take place first. Get your limits, fantasies and sexual desires expressed so you each have a basis for setting up your sexy night together.

Now, everything is set in motion.  You've discussed your desires, plotted out some fun time whether together or alone, had a sexy pre-date meeting, gathered all your supplies or sexy wear, planned a pre/post sensual snack, set the mood with lighting and some sexy scents in the air.  Now all that is left is to show up, explore and enjoy each other.

What are you waiting for?  It's a considerably small amount of time to plan a sexy play date.  What is mind numbing sex worth to you?  It doesn't have to cost you a penny to get intimate with your lover.  More often than not answering the door when my honey comes home in nothing but my favorite heels and a smile does the trick.

Intimacy and great sex takes a little bit of effort, but it is so worth it!  No one is born being a great lover, no one is born knowing how to act in an intimate relationship.  It's well worth the effort and the pay out in the end will blow your mind!

So stop reading this, set your pre sexy time meeting, and show up!!!!  Of course and as always...


Stay Curvy
XOXO

As if it weren't enough...

in January we are expanding our podcasts on blog talk radio! (hey I'm payin for it might as well use it!)

So our line up is as follows:

Romantic Wednesday: All you authors out there come chat with me about your work, published and upcoming books, ebooks, erotica, erotic poetry etc... Every Wednesday we'll be talking about some sexy read.

Sex Toy Thursday: We are working on gathering the most innovative, sexy, fun & functional sex toy manufacturers to talk about their toys. On the market or soon to be released. ( I ♥ sex toyzzzzzz )

It's the KinkEnd Fridays: Because a KinkEnd is so much more fun than a regular weekend. On Fridays we will be talking all things kinky! We are going to dig deep into topics such as Power Play, Pain Play, Bondage and Role Play as well as other forms of kink and how to get your kinky on.

Sex Talk Saturday: In January we are going to tackle some pretty hard-hitting topics like Sex after Sexual Trauma: Getting your sexy back! We'll be having on Montique of Zinity Fitness and talk about their performance enhancing exercise routine! We are also working on getting on live a Doctor to discuss some signs of sexual dysfunction, a Pharmacist to discuss sexual side-effects of some common pharmaceutical treatments and possibly, just maybe a super awesome holistic health practitioner to go over some alternative methods to deal with sexual issues.

Gonna be a busy year 2013, assuming I survive the zombies (IJS hehe)

I have something special for my lovelies

Just in time for the holidays!

Elene Sallinger has written one of the sexiest erotic novels I've ever read.

Elene Sallinger is a lover of all things lingual, a warrior of words, and a vixen of vocabulary. Her goal is to titillate, provoke, empower and move you with her work which ranges from the erotic to the dramatic and everything in between.

Elene is also the author of At Long Last available on Smashwords, and the upcoming full-length, erotic novel Doing DC from UStar Novels.

You got it, Elene Sallinger is joining us on Sex Talk with Curvy on the 22nd of December. Be sure to tune in.

I mentioned in an earlier post starting to read Awakening, I finished it in one setting, thanks to my Kindle I read in bed next to the honey. It was terribly difficult to let the man sleep through my randy read. I was mighty tempted to wake him up a couple times and say "Read, Do .... NOW" ;) (ya'll know what I'm talkin' about)

But I don't want to give too much away here, because we are gonna get to talk to the woman behind the words! Ohhhhhh I so can't wait!

If you haven't read Awakening yet, you can find it on Amazon. They have it on kindle and if you don't have a kindle you can get the kindle app for your phone.

Get the book, read & be randy :) stay sexy and as always...

Stay Curvy
XOXO

Anger vs Domination

I did the episode last night and kicked off Kinky Clause. One question however bothered me from the time I received it to now. It's one of those questions that just stick in someone's head and irritates the crap out of them until they've either vented it completely or gone mad fussing over it. I've said before I'm a little on the OCD side so once I get my teeth into something, it's nearly impossible for me to let it go. Call it a compulsion. Plus I really want to clear the air regarding abuse and a Dom/sub relationship.

So lets start with the quality of life and the differences between being in an abusive relationship and being in a Dom/sub relationship.

Abuse is the non-consensual violence perpetrated by one half of a couple against the other half of the couple. It is a form of control that can include physical violence, emotional violence, financial abuse, sexual abuse and verbal violence. The key word here is NON-CONSENSUAL. That means without negotiation and express permission to act in this fashion. The quality of life for the person being abused, is one of fear, neglect, terror and pain. The quality of life for the abuser is one filled with guilt, fear (of being exposed), uncontrollable anger and emotion, lack of control.

Now, lets take a peekiepoo at the dynamics of a Dom/sub relationship. From my research and discussions with those in the BDSM community I have gained a whole new understanding of what initially appeared to be abuse in the grossest form. Let's first look at the Dom. This Dominant partner has negotiated and expressed their need for control in what ever aspects of the relationship they desire control. They have an agreement with their partner that they can do ______ and control ______. Whatever this may be. The Dominant has a clear idea of what he or she needs from the relationship and expresses it in a non-threatening manner with the spirit of negotiation. A Dominant must be able to maintain a level self-control during their "play" time or other designated and agreed upon portion of their relationship. From my understanding a Dominant should, if not must, be aware of his or her partners physical, mental and emotional well-being and respect the boundaries that have been negotiated and agreed upon.

This is wholly different than that of an abuser who isn't required to adhere to a safe word, whose intention to generally to inflict as much damage on their unwilling partner as they can without concern for their partners physical, mental or emotional well-being.

The submissive in the Dom/sub relationship seeks out a partner who they negotiate and agree upon the parameters of their relationship. He/She submits, and certainly desires an able Dominant. They need on some primal level that outside control. They find in themselves some emotional and physical release in their submission.

Again this is wholly different from that of an abuse victim. A victim of abuse is often taken unawares that this could even happen to them. They haven't sought it out, they aren't necessarily interested in it and are certainly fearful of the what's next. For them they are fearful of staying as well as of escaping. They find themselves trapped against their will.

Now the question that brought on this particular rant was something to the tune of "I get angry easy, does that make me a Dominant?" As well as the snarky judgy pant lady who has been so vocal regarding this particular segment. So my answer for this was a categorical Hells to da NOOOO, the fact that you have anger issues has no bearing on whether or not you're a Dominant. It does however mean that you need to establish some control over yourself and your emotions.

Anyhow, these are just my thoughts on the differences between abuse and a Dom/sub relationship. Now in any relationship there can be issues, in every culture or community there are those asshats who just can't help themselves and take advantage of their position or power. No matter your vanilla or other sometimes people just don't know how to act right. So here are some red flags for any relationship.

1) Separation from family and friends. This tactic is used by abusers to ensure that their victims have little to no resources available to them for either escape or a support system.

2) Financial control. Financial control can take many forms, one being that the victim is forced to leave employment making them totally dependant on the abuser. The other can be financial manipulation, where the victims income is recklessly abused, hidden from or otherwise taken out of his or her control without their consent.

3) Limited Communications. Abusers often will take control of the ability to have outside communications. They will unplug or lock the phone lines, inspect your private cellular or take them away, limit internet access, limit outside interactions.

4) The prevalence of violence or threat of unwanted violence. I put in here UNWANTED violence, I have a hard time to express the variations of people's sexual and non sexual desires what may appear to be violence to one might be a complete turn on and sexual or other need for another. So unwanted is the key word here. For example, if I like and have expressed my desire to my husband to spank me for whatever reason, this is not unwanted. Though for another person the sheer idea of a spanking is considered by them unwanted violence. Threats fall into the same category as actual physical violence, for some hearing the words "If you do ____, I will spank you." is a complete turn on conversely it drips fear into the hearts of others.

5) Blame. If your partner consistently blames you for their bad or unwanted behavior this is a way for them to rid their own soul and is called transference. Now, in a Dom/sub relationship the lines here can be blurry. I learned of a type of submissive/nonsubmissive called a Brat. (Yes, my producer said I was one. LOL) In many ways, we learn from mistakes and the consequences that are the result. As a child we learned that if we do ____ we get ____ as a punishment or reward. I think its irresponsible to think that this learning process ceases to exist as we get to age of majority. Using blame in a traditional relationship is a form of manipulation because both parties are not privy to the aspects of the relationship. There has been no negotiation, no agreement and lastly no express role identification established.

Anyway you cut it, what gets me going is not necessarily what is required to get everyone else going, people are dynamic, relationships are unique and unless we are in it we really can't know the entirety of the story. All we can do is establish an atmosphere of honesty, communication and respect within our own relationships.

Establishing firstly what we want or need out of a relationship, communicating those wants and needs to our partners, and being honest in those communications with both ourselves and our partners. Finally we have to stop comparing one to another, the most fabulous thing in this life is the diversity of all it's participants.

So get honest with yourself, establish what YOU need and want, communicate that honestly with your lover, stay sexy and as always...


Stay Curvy
XOXO

Back to Kinky Clause

and my purely scientific investigation of BDSM. (Fine, that's a lie but whatever). I've been reading The Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taormino. This book is pretty fascinating and has the various segments written by "Masters" in their respective techniques, such as Midori, Lolita Wolf, Laura Antoniou and Madison Young.

It's broken down into nice bite size pieces that even I can handle and absorb into my tiny brain. Not to mention it's extremely well written. It's like Tristan has brought together the rock stars of the BDSM community. There is so much information out there regarding this particular community. A large percentage of it from what I can tell is a little on the skeevy side but there are some genuine people willing and able to teach and impart their knowledge on the subject. This book is definitely on my recommendation list.

I'm also reading Awakening by Elene Sallinger, a second piece of erotic fiction after finally making it through the second book in the FSOG series. (Sorry, I still like these. It's an easy read and I just substitute my own words for her redundant descriptives) Though I have found some similarities, "Stilling" is used in this work as well as is the whole biting her lower lip bringing a raging woody to the uber-hot un-attainable Dom. It causes me to wonder, is this how it starts for single ladies out there discovering their kink? It seems to be a popular trend in fiction, that's for certain.

I've discussed with the honey the prospect of getting a little hands on in my "research", ahem, yeah, that's it Research! I've had him read some of my reading list and tell me what he thinks. I also directed him to the CEPE page posted in an earlier post. Poor thing forgot his English and I'm still uncertain exactly how he responded verbally, but the physical response was well, lets just say exciting. He is an angel and thankfully he goes right along with me in what ever hair-brained sex-capade I get distracted with or my flavor of the month.

I do find it intimidating, even a little scary. I'm pretty type A personality, OCD, clean freak, and what did my producer call me, oh yeah, a germaphobe (not sure that's a word but anyhoo). I do struggle with what "role" I closely identify with. In life I'm pretty much a very dominant personality I control all within my tiny universe (or think I do anyway). Hence the confusion. A Dominant as in the D of the D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship just isn't necessarily something I'm comfortable with. In point of fact, I think I would more closely relate to the submissive in this aspect. Perhaps it's BECAUSE I tend to control so many of the other aspects of our lives, I seek the reprieve from decision-making, scheduling etc... Or perhaps I'm confusing the roles completely.

This establishment of roles and guidelines is essential in the community, as well as of course CONSENT. But then there are other roles, one is termed a Switch. Yup, like a switch hitter for all you baseball fans or others. Anyhoo, I may be over thinking this and making it more difficult than it needs or really is. (Not a shocker, I still use a thermometer to boil water, don't judge me! :D )

Or perhaps it's not necessarily ME I'm concerned about. In a LTR (long-term relationship) that has been relatively vanilla for years outside a little spank and tickle, is it even feasible to think that established life roles can be adjusted for pure sexual satisfaction and exploration? I don't know the answer. It's odd how once we start to look out our sexual desires, they soon become needs.

As I said before, I'm pretty Type A. I can tell you exactly where something is in my home without even looking or thinking because everything has its place. (as long as no one has moved it on me, drives me nuts!) My honey is so relaxed and laid back with me, that it may be part of the reason I'm so dominant in my role as wife and business partner. Yet, let anyone else step wonky to either of us and the fury of the G_ds looks like a happy place to anyone who crosses him. Maybe, I am already in a submissive role and simply don't recognize it for what it is? Perhaps the power exchange that is so prevalent in the BDSM community is merely an illusion, a consensual and albeit convincing one, but still an illusion. Is it possible to be both Dominant and submissive? Is it possible to relinquish control to gain control? Is it possible that one can be so focused on task that they unwittingly become submissive in that action? Maybe I'm just the perfect sub to honeys Dom tendencies or is it the other way around?

Maybe as we seek out our partners we find that perfect mix of I want this, that and the other that when we find it the power exchange is made without our even realizing it. This is one of the reasons I think I'm so intrigued by the BDSM culture. He wanted a wife who was driven to succeed, extremely clean, with a mind for business and adventurous with a big ole bootay. I wanted the strong, silent, pick me up when I fall & treat me like a Queen, Knight in Shining Armor.

Again, maybe just maybe this is part of the discovery process. Perhaps I need to spend more time thinking about, pondering and musing over sexuality. (As IF, I don't do it enough already) Perhaps everyone needs to take a moment regularly and think about sex and their desires. No more dead bedroom issues, no more unsatisfactory outcomes, no more "I wish ____ would _____." Has western culture deprived us of our ability to be sexual creatures comfortably? Maybe we have allowed it so long that for some sex is more perfunctory than pleasure. Have we been convinced that sensation and the experience of physical sensation is reduced to good vs bad?

The techniques and the level of communication is still astounding to me. I love it, I really love it! I may find myself stagnated in this spot of role definition but talking about the variety of kink has taken over our sexy bed time talk so we shall see. Maybe I need to get out the chocolate syrup to mix up our vanilla. Or I may just accidentally bring home some product to try out before it gets to go on the store site. :D (Career with bene's IJS)

Perhaps kink is like a seed, it may or may not grow it just depends on whether or not you water it. Either way, it appears the more I learn the more questions I have. You know curiosity and the cat? I feel like one in a room full of rocking chairs! But it's an interesting escapade and I am really enjoying the journey and the lovely people I've gotten to meet and talk with.

One thing I will say about this adventure is that while I'm still uncommitted to the lifestyle, it sure has been enlightening and at the least has brought out some questions and aren't they really the pave-stones of the paths we choose?

This Saturday kicks off our Kinky Clause, there are 5 segments each Saturday in December at 10:00pm. This segment may be extended based on the interest and request of readers and listeners alike. The link to this weekends show is Sex Talk with Curvy Due to scheduling conflict, the initial show will be re-aired on its scheduled date rather than live. If you have any questions for our guest, please get them in to me as soon as possible.

So grab the water hose, spray me down, stay sexy, tune in for our kinky clause segments and as always...

Stay Curvy
XOXO

To bare

or not to bare... This is the question. There are a lot of ways to bare yourself to your lover. But the baring I'm talking about is the body bare. ;) getting' nakie, nude, naked, without clothing, baring the goodies, flashing the stuff, showing the cookie. How ever you term it getting naked in front of our lovers can be both exhilarating and intimidating. (Unless you're a professional model or dancer! IJS)

Awesome image post on tumblr by SlowRider655

Now I can only write from the aspect of a woman, but I have to imagine that the gamut of emotions we run through when getting naked has to be similar to that of what men must go through as well. It's serious business getting naked in front of someone. (and big business as well) It takes some courage and for me at least took a few years of small steps to get comfortable just being naked in the presence of my honey outside the purpose of sex that is.

It's relatively easy to get naked for sex, but being naked and getting naked just for the sake of being and getting naked is a stretch for most people I talk with. Also, appropriate times for nakedness can be hard to come by if you have a family. IJS, no one really wants to sit down at the dinner table on fried chicken night with nakedness all about. Now desert night while the kids are at camp, sure go for it.

I think it may be more our culture that makes us weary of being naked just for the sake of being naked. Yet, we are bombarded with near nudity fairly regularly, we contend back and forth about the human form and what should and should not be displayed. We can all appreciate the human body in one way or another it's a beautiful thing.

We find ourselves easily getting naked to shower or bathe, near naked for a dip in the pool or beach, and lingerie only adds to the sexiness of our naked. Still, getting naked just to be naked is something that we often avoid, don't ever even think about or find ourselves skeeved out by the suggestion. Now, I've read lots of material on the benefits of being naked, brought to you by the good people who gave us the Kama Sutra (you're welcome). I've also read a mountain of Cosmo's giving us instruction on how to strip etc...

I forever it seemed would try these tips and tricks only to fall flat on my face, dive beet red under the covers or make a mad dash to the light switch to turn it off. It wasn't until I decided to just be naked for a half an hour every other day for no reason other than being naked. It's a strange thing to think about and make a conscious decision to do I know, hello, Hi, I'm me, have we met?

Anyhoo, I did this only for me and not for any sexual purpose, trust me. Honey came home, found me naked as a jaybird sprawled out on the chaise reading a book on JavaScript having a peppermint mocha and listening to Etta James. NOT IN MY PLANS for the day. Nor was the explanation as to why exactly I was in the condition mentioned earlier. But he's French, and I'm odd so the end result was both of us sprawled out naked on the chaise, sharing (not happy about) my peppermint mocha, reading our respective pieces of literature (or instruction) listening to Etta James. This was 5 years into our relationship and he mentioned that he had never actually seen me lights on, no reason, relaxed & just naked. He said it was the most beautiful image he ever saw and of course this led to sex, but aside from that it was the naturality of the state I was in that was the beauty of it all.

I've said it a million times, I'm a curvy chicka, big butt & boobs with thick thighs. So for me, being comfortable in the nude was hard to do, at first. It took a lot to be able to stand in front of a full length mirror naked and see all the flaws and self-perceived imperfections. I'll never be a super model, nor a not so super model, but for the most part becoming comfortable naked was for me:

Learning to accept my body (easier said than done)
Doing everything I can to be healthy (eating well and exercise)
Accepting that we are all built differently (any image will show this fact, accepting it meh, that's iffy)

I got to review all my scars. Yes snakes do bite people on the butt when they are peeing in the woods. (IJS) Yes, scratching poison ivy relentlessly for days on end will end up in scaring the skin. Yes small dogs teeth attached to an ankle does scar. Finally, yes that random puberty induced zit that you pick at will leave a scar. Then the honey and I got to spend time comparing scars and laughing at the memories. It was this second that I became comfortable with being naked, in more that the physical way, with another person. It's the best feeling in the world! It's being vulnerable, honest, open and naked!!!!

So I've put together my lists of 5's: Five things that keep us from being naked for no reason, Five benefits of being naked for no reason, Five ways to get comfortable being naked for no reason. Buckle up, here we go...

Five things that keep us from being naked for no reason.

1. Self Perception. The way we see ourselves is often in the harshest light possible. We are so prone to see only our flaws, anything else I was taught was vanity. So I say to hell with that, we all have the right to love ourselves; flaws, scars, curves, beauty all of it and all at the same time.

2. The way we believe others see us. This is a big one, and hard to get past. Simply put if someone is in that close of a proximity to you and they are judging you on your body, show em the door and be naked when you do it!

3. Privacy. Yes, being naked should probably be done in private space. Though, in many cultures naked is accepted and good. It's the level of prudishness that our society has placed on us that makes this a requirement. I can talk about how easy it is to walk nude on a beach in France, except I can't because it's so ingrained in my psyche that I can't do it.

4. Appropriateness. Is it ok to be naked for reasons other than washing and sex? I wouldn't suggest standing over the fireplace or splitting wood in the nude. No need to watch the newest scooby doo with your kiddies in the nude, but outside of exposing yourself to children or the unsuspecting neighbor WHY NOT?

5. Comfort. It's easier to be comfortable in a pair of yoga pants and loose-fitting t-shirt, sure, but you're not naked.

Five benefits of being naked for no reason.

1. Confidence. If you can get comfortable being in your own skin, and I mean only your skin, your confidence level is forced to rise, begrudgingly perhaps. Lets face it, we wear things to accentuate the positive, to bring out those parts of us we are comfortable with. Being nude for no reason puts it all out there, our small or large butts and our knobby knees or what ever part we keep trying to hide.

2. Air. Exposed skin absorbs more nutrients! Also, being without clothing allows your skin to BREATHE. Without air, we would die and when we leave the largest organ (our skin) bound up covered with layer upon layer or air blocking clothes our skin suffocates. Clothing also "holds in" natural body odors, causes sweat to become stale and stinky. Fresh air combats the odor molecules that can accumulate on the skin and in our body hair.

3. UV Light. If you know of or suffer from the "Winter Blues", this is a vitamin D deficiency that happens because the sun is out for shorter periods. The skin transforms sun light into vitamin D and in turn vitamin D helps the body to regulate calcium & phospahte levels. AND (yes there's more) The light that gives you a tan also destroys the bacteria that gives you acne.

4. Blood flow. Bra straps, tight elastic bands, tight-fitting anything restricts the blood flow. Better blood flow and circulation is key to a healthy heart.

5. Weight. Metabolism and digestion are improved because the waist is not in a constant state of being bound. Organs are able to shift to their pre-restrictive clothing permitted positions. The mental and emotional benefit also increases our desire to exercise & eat right(Double edged sword there).

Five ways to get comfortable being naked for no reason.

1. Take small steps in private. You have to be comfortable with yourself before you will be able to be comfortable in the presence of another person while nude.

2. Spend a moment after your shower or bath. Let your body air dry, less those parts that take too long (under the breast, the genital, between the toes) This is not only good for the skin, but it gives you those few moments being naked for no reason other than you have to dry off!

3. Find something beautiful about your own body. Focus on this. Adore this. Let your confidence grow in this one area and watch it seed and grow throughout your body. All things start pretty small, confidence is the same in this aspect. It can be as simple as a small beauty mark that sits in an alluring place, your eyes, what ever it is. Every person has something about them that is beautiful!

4. Sleeping nude or near nude. Take a short nap if you sleep with a partner, and do it nude. If you can't do this, find something as close to nude as you can get. A huge t-shirt and no skivvies will work. OR talk to your partner, see how they feel about having a nude night in bed. Not necessarily for sex, but for sleeping. Sleeping with a partner in the nude is less intimidating that standing in front of them in the nude, you can pull that sheet in close and have a modicum of coverage but YOU are still nude.

5. Exfoliate, groom, mani/pedi and tint if necessary. Keeping the skin exfoliated is a huge part in keeping us comfortable in the nude. Grooming goes a long way in creating a higher comfort level, even for those out there who choose a natural state, trimming is a great practice. Mani/Pedi both men and women can benefit from this, keeping our hands and feet well maintained just feels good. I love extending a well manicured hand when meeting someone (with my clothes on!). Tint, we all have to moisturize our skin, if you have uneven skin tone or texture, there are some great tinted moisturizers that are body safe. There's an old saying, if you can't tone it, tan it. True statement.

So get naked, get comfortable, stay sexy and as always...


Stay Curvy
XOXO

Intimacy and Chemistry

We hear a lot about chemistry. But how does it relate to intimacy and how do we keep that chemical cocktail fresh in a long-term relationship?

A huge part of a couples chemistry lies in their basic level of communication. As with all communication, it starts with the largest sex organ in the human body, the brain. So often I'm harping on communication, communication, COMMUNICATION. Even in some of the research I'm doing on upcoming segments, I'm still amazed at the practices of communication that are in some circles a set baseline for relationships.

Now, communication can be many things to many different people. I communicate daily with hundreds of people regarding sex and sexual issues. On the surface this is intimate, but in actuality, it's not. It's almost clinical. We can chat with our girlfriends about sex and while it's an intimate subject, and with our intimate girlfriends it's still a far cry from being that intimate communication with our lovers.

It's one thing to say I'd really like ____ to try this with me to a friend or counselor. But at times saying I'd like you to do this ____ to me tonight when you get home, is a bit more difficult. There is a safety issue. What will my partner think of me? Will they still love me? How will this change my relationship? It is a huge step in communication and an even larger step in chemistry department.

It's through this intimate communication that we can maintain, and even grow our chemical connection to our partners. One way we can increase our chemistry is by some sexy talk, expressing our fantasies to our lovers. Chemistry in an intimate relationship is created through intimate communication.

A sexy text, note or message throughout the day can go a long way to creating some chemistry between you and your partner. This is part of expressing ourselves, both as partners as well as sexual beings.

Another way to ensure and even increase the chemistry is to always try to look your best. Look, I get it, times are tough, stress levels are high, the demands on our time are relentless. BUT, we can choose to ignore ourselves and our appearance and run the risk of losing it all together or we can MAKE time for ourselves and keeping our appearance nice to look at. It's pretty simple, we are all mammals, and mammals are generally attracted to other mammals who offer ideal genetic materials for procreation. That's the science, here's the real deal. If you are in a long-term relationship and have fallen into that married pudgy, half leg shave, wearing the mickey mouse sweatshirt with a little vomit still on it from the baby earlier this afternoon, girlfriend you gotta get out of that.

Don't even begin to think that guys don't fall into that as well. They used to put on cologne to meet us for coffee, shave, shower and pick out some decent clothes to wear upon our dates.

Attractiveness does go both ways and it is truly up to each individual within this partnership to keep their side of this unspoken deal up. I understand that it's hard with the obligations of life and family to think of ourselves. It might even look like vanity to some. But I think most women will agree, how they feel is based on how they feel they look. We've been told that it's vanity, we've been warned not to be that "high maintenance" woman, it's been made ok to let ourselves go after marriage. Well, it's not. We're not. And only to a certain extent is it ok.

One way to ensure your attractiveness to you mate is to know what particular body part they like, are they a leg man, a butt man etc... this does go both ways guys, we ladies like and are attracted to different body parts as well. I know we often say it's "his eyes" or "his smile" but most of us secretly are checking out other parts as well. Me, I love me some strong thighs on a man. Don't get me wrong, upper body strength is important, but I think that strong, thick, healthy, hard thighs are awesome. There's several reasons, the prevalent one today is in the event of a zombie attack, if, as I'm running in my 6 inch spiked heel boots and twist my ankle, will my partner be able to effectively toss me over his shoulder and run us both to safety? IJS. Spindly male thighs, can't run as far or as fast during a zombie attack and I run the risk of limping off on my own and being forced to tarzanna up a tree and through the overhead branches again risking more life and limb to get away. It's a survival strategy. True story. Anyhooo...

Find out what part your lover likes and accentuate that. If he (or she) is a thigh lover, get those jeans on that are a little snug (not tight, again zombies, getting away, tight-fitting restrictive movement jeans not a good scenario) around the thigh or wear that short skirt with some thigh high stockings. There is nothing wrong with drawing attention to the part or parts of your body that your lover likes.

A second tip to increase chemistry in your relationship is the simplest one of all. LOOK AT EACH OTHER! We tend to stop doing this as we are inundated with the demands of life, we might end up spending our sit down meal time watching our toddlers to make sure they stop feeding spaghetti to the parrot rather than looking and conversing with our partners.

One technique you can use to increase intimacy and bonding while looking at your partner is to look straight into their pupils. You can tell a lot about your lovers level of interest by checking out their pupils. A persons pupils will increase in size or dilate when they are interested or turned on. Conversely, they will constrict when your lover loses interest or become disturbed.

Looking directly into your lovers eyes or a lovers gaze has been the bedrock of love stories, erotic art and poetry since man and woman have had the power of conversation and expression. It's also hugely erotic and full of promise. So try it. Stop having that conversation over band-width battling laptops, look at each other and speak!

A third suggestion is that when you are having this intense, eye gazing convo lean in toward your lover. Let them know that they not only hold your mind and eyes captive but your body is drawn to them as well. Be a magnet to your lovers iron and vis e versa. I'm not saying to cling to them or hang like a puppy on each breath they take, but show your physical interest by a slight lean in. (no one really likes a Cling-on, really I've seen star wars or star trek and ya don't see babes hanging on that dude.)

Fourth, engage your partner in something exciting. Get your adrenaline pumping together. Let me give you an example. You can have sex after a weekend day of laundry, dishes and yard work and it might be great. OR You can have sex after just having jumped together 20,000 feet out of a perfectly good airplane ON PURPOSE! The adrenaline alone is nearly enough to orgasm, but imagine you are with your lover on some exciting intrigue or adventure. The sharing of an exciting event, some heart racing adventure is enough to boost your chemical attraction together because its something you have shared and experienced together!

Last, but not least. Harness the power of touch. Don't go all PDA on me in the mall or anything, but why not hold hands? Show your appreciation to each other with a long lingering toe curling kiss. Smack that ass as he's walking by with 60 pounds of moss for the winter garden. It's playful, its fun and it again is simple proximity creating chemistry between you and your lover.

Here's your chemistry check list. Consider it homework and get back to me later on how it goes. HEHE

1. Keep it real, keep it sexy. Show off your foxiness. Accentuate the positive.
2. Look into my eyes. Look at each other. Peer into the soul of your lover.
3. The lean in. Come closer my lovelies. Be drawn in by your lover.
4. Excite the mind and body. Get that adrenaline pumping. Adventure with your love.
5. Feels goooooooooood. Touch me there. Smack that ass!

Seriously, these are pretty basic. Yes. They seem almost simplistic, but isn't it always the simple things that often get left behind as we march away on our paths of life? It's easy to forget to look at our partner when there are so many things out there demanding our visual attention. It's easy to lean back and relax after a long hard day of work rather than lean in to show our interest.

Try this, see if it doesn't create within you and your lover a little extra spark, those thoughts that make us speed home from work just to see our lovers.

Stay sexy, stay safe and as always...


Stay Curvy
XOXO

Today in my search

I was lucky enough to stumble across some pages dedicated to noobs to the BDSM community. (yippeee me) Ironically, they appear to be written by the Dom, the Sadist or the Top. (I still don't really know what a Top is, I've an idea though)

On the surface, it would appear that these are the givers to their receivers. That they would most benefit from a noobie they could take and "train" how they pleased. The majority of these articles, (I'll post em in a minute keep your panties on), are written as words of caution to the noobs to not fall prey to "unethical" practitioners.

I think a large part of the non BDSM of society sees these individuals as predators and without ethics. But from my reading, I see them as taking as stance against predatory actions, adding a sense of structure and quite a bit of credibility to their lifestyle. It's ironic to me because these individuals are seen often (by non-practitioners) as abusive, controlling, domineering etc... So to see these "types" issuing words of caution is quite contrary to initial belief.

Don't get me wrong, I've been spanked a few times and my first spanking came when I was 6 or 7 and my mother got out the dreaded belt. My older brother, who was 16 or 17 loves to tell the story. I had done some terrible thing and my mother bent me over the bed and in one fell swoop and crack the belt made such an impression I was across the bed like superman jumping a tall buildings in a single bound. Of the hundreds of family get togethers when the story is told (over and over again) apparently I peeked over the mattress and asked my brother "What was that?" After his fit of laughter he explained that "That, was a spanking". I don't have fond memories of that nor any of the ones to follow, and a severe aversion to pain.

I don't even like for butterflies to land on me cause it skeeves me out their little straw like proboscis and their sharp little bitty sticky feet attaching themselves to my skin. *shudders* I once slammed the car door on my thumb, because I was too concerned with getting off me the creepy little grasshopper that had landed on my leg that I forgot to move my hand as I was doing the "get it off getitoff GETITOFF don't let it get in the car" slamming the door dance. I know I have issues, so anyway.

I bring this up because regardless of this aversion to pain, suffering, bugs, and other creepy things I still find this community to be fascinating. It might be the level of rules and control they exhibit. I found on the CEPE page, it's a group in my area, a BDSM checklist of 200 questions. 200 freaking questions AND they clearly state that there will be more as required by the individual couple. Now, I'm thinking "there are an awful lot of rules" in addition to limits, hard limits and off-limits.

Then I think, how many times do "vanilla" couples have such an in-depth discussions of sexual likes, dislikes and don't even dream about its? The comparison is impossible. The only similarities I can see so far, is the penis to VaJayJay and/or anus for most hetro couples as well as mutual love and respect. (I'd really like to discuss straight vanilla which my understanding is no kink but anyhoo)

So before the onslaught of judgy pant people start, I'll just put my two cents in right now. Do Not Assume that you know the right way to show love and respect between all people. Listen, "your way" is NOT the only right way. K? K! Oh and if your blood pressure is rising from anger or disgust, you might want to stop reading cause it will only get worse. Toodles, see you when this segment is finished. :D Aaaaaaaand moving on...

So back to what I was thinking before I so rudely interrupted myself. This link CEPE Checklist has 200 various questions regarding different "kink" that a couple discusses, marks off etc...

I like the communication aspect of this. It's safer than the "Ya wanna get it on?" where the only discussed rule is to condom or not to condom. Seriously??!!??!! WTF? How are we vanillas missing this very basic form of intimacy? There is apparently a huge amount of preparation prior to the act, and a respect that is honestly, quite amazing to me. I've suggested in the past that we do a sexy letter day, or a weekly wish list with our partners regarding sex. These practitioners, actually perform this on a regular basis and stick to it. No slip ups or excuses. They acknowledge that what they prefer might be considered out of the ordinary and respectfully request permission.

Again, communication is such a huge aspect of intimacy and most of the couples I've spoken to find they are lacking in these areas. He or She doesn't know how or feel comfortable discussing sex, sexual fantasies, what feels good etc... so they rather quickly find that their sexual life and appetites begin to falter if not fall off completely. Yet depending on which study you look at, practitioners of BDSM show a markedly higher percentage of overall sexual satisfaction. So again, it's my belief that due to the extent of communication, in addition to actively pursuing their sexual pleasures within the "accepted" parameters of their sexual relationship, attributes immensely to this higher sexual satisfaction rate.

Now on to Permission? WTF. This entire experience is turning out to be quite the opposite of what I "saw" from the outside looking in. The Doms, Sadists and Tops have to get permission from their counterparts. This is not what one would initially see at first, second or 957,425,543.3 look. I think what most people of the "nilla" type see is abuse, degradation, etc... when in actuality, it's the receiver who elicits complete control. EDIT: There is a negotiation, so the parameters of the sexual interactions are pre-agreed upon. It's counterintuitive to those of us who are peeking in.

When you think of a scene in FSOG, any of them pretty much, or when you "accidentally" type in BDSM to your browser and stumble across some BDSM erotica. You, if you're a vanilla type, might initially see some poor woman or man being abused by a domineering, controlling ass hat. Yet, it's that poor little man or woman who have in part with their partner who have developed the parameters of acceptable, willing and "not gonna happen, ever". They like it and they hold to account their partner. They willingly give their consent to relinquish their own personal power of choice to their partner. (power-play more to follow, when I say so. :D) They have a say in what is or isn't allowed, they have a "safe word" that they are able to use at any time to cease the activity.

Unless we are discussing a Master/slave relationship. (Again more to come on this at a later date) This is yet another topic that will be followed up on. I so was not kidding about the intricacies of this particular sexual lifestyle and its practitioners. There is a huge amount of information out there, that is both interesting and I'll admit, a little intimidating. *still not sceered* ;)

A common practice called "aftercare" is also considered and outlined in their sexual communications. What is aftercare? It's where the couple spends time re-connecting and bond. Yes, bond and this is, in most practitioners lives, a requirement not a suggestion. Aftercare is after a "scene" is completed they engage in activities meant to create a bond and closeness. It's intimacy after the O!

How many times have us vanilla's complained that after sex, it's nappy time for him or her, and we want to cuddle? I'll go more into this in a later submission (hehe I got it in here neeeeneeeerrrrrr neeeeeeneeeerrrrrr) Because it's important and a lesson we can incorporate into our sex lives as non-practitioners of BDSM. Again I find myself trying to compare these practices with the more traditional sex components and it's a struggle. While there is no right or wrong way to have sex, there are certain aspect of the act that increase our bond to our partners, our level of intimacy and even boost our moods. I'm so keeping a cheat sheet going on what portions of the lifestyle I want incorporated into my own sex life, what I'm willing to explore and what would be a hard limit for me. I think it would be great fun to check out that CEPE activities list to start a discussion with my honey. :D

Back to my original point. These articles often are directed to "noobs" to give them a check list of both red-flags (no gos), what to expect and what not to tolerate. They clearly outline what is considered predatory and unethical. So here are a few examples.

Identifying Predatory Behaviour

When the unethical meet the unprepared

Risk Management

Dangerous Webmasters in BDSM

These again are written it seems to me to protect us nosey newbies and those people who have decided to dabble. These experienced practitioners know, understand and take measures to minimize risk to their partners physical, mental and emotional health. They, it appears, wish to ensure that people who are experimenting aren't being taken advantage of or abused. Which again is counter intuitive at first glance to this lifestyle.

There is something about the power exchange that is amazing to me. I can get it, on a submissive (I think) level. After 15 to 18 hours of work each day, managing the house, my business, my husband's business and being responsible for everything in our world it gets tiring. Decisions that require lightning fast responses then the constant questioning of ones self regarding those decisions. I have to think that at least sometime it might be nice to have at the least my sexual responsibilities and decisions made by someone else. I think of the freedom I might have to think of other things and explore a creative aspect rather than be bogged down at all times by the 101,498,384 responsibilities and decisions that go with waking up in the morning.

My understanding of the real underlying tenant of these relationships is trust and structure, in my rather loose grasp of the topic. How much trust can you place in another human being? (who naturally make mistakes, sorry we all do) How do you get in that head space that just allows you to be? I just don't know that answer. I'm one of those people who have a very high flight or fight response. I take only calculated risks and find that when something isn't just right, I have to make it so. There are certain things that I am simply compelled to do to provide a level of protection for my home and family. So while I can get it, I just don't know if I can get into it.

Now my comments here are just a tidbit of the actuality of what is the BDSM community. It's a tiny fraction of what there is to learn and only my take on what information I have gained so far. I thought I would just update where we are today. I'm interested to see where this takes me and how these entries develop.

So until next time, stay safe, stay sexy and as always...


Stay Curvy
XOXO

Devling into

"fringes" of sex and sexuality...

Now the jury is out on whether or not I like the term "Fringe" but as in all things, fringe tends to be that close to the edge... thing. Whether it be a fringe science, a fringe religion or fringe sex. It's generally considered outside the norm. According to dictionary.com fringe is "Not part of the mainstream; unconventional, peripheral, or extreme" so I guess it applies here. The only issue I have with it is I believe it marginalizes an entire population of practitioners of "fringe sex".

So what is fringe sex?

Urban Dictionary say this:
1. fringe sex
The act of using one's fringe in order to give somebody sexual pleasure.
Particularly enjoyed by those who harbour a rather unusual fetish for fringes, fringe sex works best with a long straight fringe that can more easily be wrapped around the genitals.

MMMMMMMk, so let's go with my definition of fringe sex instead. (I might need to start a dictionary of my own for my made up words and such) *snore*

Fringe sex, in my opinion is any sexual act that exists outside the societal norm. Societal norm being the traditional man/woman, monogamous, whose on top type act. So it is very broad reaching. It can include all things outside the norm, homosexual, Bi-sexuality, BDSM, fetish, polygamy, threesomes, foursomes, moresomes, latex, food sex and the list goes on.

A lot of attention, due to some wildly popular publications of recent, has been shed on one fringe community as whole of late. I'm not entirely certain of how comfortable the community is being placed in this rather harsh light of suspicion, judgement and intrigue. That community is BDSM, and let me tell you in my research I have had the pleasure of meeting some pretty awesome practitioners. Shockingly they are less judgmental of me than most of society is of them. I'd like to take just a moment and relay what I've learned so far. We're working on a series of broadcasts to come in December and January with some experienced, intelligent practitioners. Here is the link to the show Sex Talk with Curvy.

It's here where I want to chronicle here my experiences with the culture as a whole. I also want to say, if you are stone cold set against any and/or all aspects of fringe sex, BDSM, Scene play etc... Just go ahead and find something else you will be more comfortable reading because this blog might not be comfortable for you. There is no reason for hate or judgement etc... To each their own, I promise not to judge you based on your ideals, experiences or desires and only ask the same in return.

So let me start by how this idea came to me. I was one of the last people to read the phenom Fifty Shades of Grey. (Slacker, I know, but work and such took precedence) Speaking of work, I've been in the adult industry for years. I started out doing home pleasure parties and have recently only expanded onto the world wide web with my estore etc... Blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. I do know what it's like to have someone ask what you do for a living and you have to come up with some way to gently explain, "Hey, I sell dildos and butt plugs, ya want one?" So the awkward silences that usually follow my common answer "I sell adult items to individuals and couples who are looking to add some other dimensions into their sex life and increase their levels of intimacy. I also do sexuality and intimacy sessions to help individuals as well as couples increase their awareness. I try to provide them with the tools they need to sustain a healthy sex life and intimacy within their relationship." are not that new to me.

Being in the adult industry, I have always known about fringe sex, but I never really knew it. Back to how this came to me, I was one of the people who couldn't understand the venom directed at FSOG by some members of the BDSM community as well as so many others. I thought, well it's great, women and men alike are inspired by this to explore their sexuality. How can this be bad? I'm not even sure where to start.

Sure it got people into exploring the kinkier side of sex. The majority of the BDSM community (I've talked to) doesn't have a problem with this per se. That is where the exposure and mild appreciation ends. Yup, that's pretty much it. I'm not doing a book review here, so I'll move on.

I was at a party several weekends ago and had on display all my cool Fifty Shades display merchandise as well as the trilogy. Super great sellers. When I had a gal come to me and asked if I realized I was promoting abuse and rape. Say whaaaaa? I never looked at it that way, I've always understood that the entirety of the community and participant interaction is based on consent. Now, I would never promote these things, I despise these acts, these crime against humanity. So it was rather shocking to me to be accused of promoting it.

In point of fact a few weeks prior to this accusation, I had scheduled another radio broadcast to air on the 10th of November. This particular show is about Sexual Trauma and recovery. So NO Miss Snarky Judgy pants lady I do not promote abuse or rape. When your head exits your ass, you might be able to see the light and stop with the judgements that are so off target. IJS

Anyhoo, this was the very second, after my deer in the headlights look and failed WTF response that I decided to explore this community, this culture. My first step in doing so was to visit Reddit's BDSMcommunity site and did some snooping. After doing some reading, posts and responses, articles etc... I thought to myself these are generally normal, healthy people. *Not scared* So I posted just a few days ago that I was looking for participants on a radio broadcast to shed some light and dispel some myth regarding the BDSM community. I got a few snarky pm's, but for the most part the responses were positive and open.

Again, I have only a loose understanding of even the meaning of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism). There is an entire myriad of other understandings. I had always added in there Dominance and Submission but according to Wikipedia it's not there. So here is the beginning of my confusion. The definition seems to be open to interpretation, I am learning that it depends on who you talk to.

One of my first responders was an individual who identified themselves as a bottom. Huh? So, there are Tops and bottoms as well. I believe there is some importance given to the capitalization of Top/Dom and bottom/sub as well but I've yet to have confirmations. Moving on, this individual I've yet to receive a response after my PM saying something to the tune of "great here's my personal email, please send me a short bio... etc " I'm chatty so there were probably 10,000 more words there that I forgot, I'm assuming that I scared the individual off. (Alas, assume does start with the word ASS, so I could be wrong, consider this my disclaimer)

The second response I got was something like "No one is going to talk to you without knowing what the interview will be like." or something to that effect. I thought, they are right! How insensitive of me. Yadda Yadda Yadda. I should have approached the topic with a little more sensitivity considering the light to which has been shined on the community and probably less like, well, me. Any how, the responder suggested another person who might be interested, so I went for it. :D Sent this other person an email.

Again it went something like the previously mentioned, tact is NOT my strong point. Deal with it, I have to. This person responded and was a complete joy to e-verse (yes, it's made up too. An email conversation = e-verse) with. I will admit that I was a little shaken when they identified themselves as a Sadist. I thought I couldn't get thrown, yet the word itself invoked in me almost a feeling akin to terror. (I watch entirely too much CSI and the like) I can deal with the term Dominant, Dom. etc... There, at this moment, seems something less threatening in that term. (at least I think I can, which more often than not, isn't the case) So after I changed my panties, I emailed the individual again. Was probably more chatty than usual (shocking right) but I was oddly compelled to show my worthiness and ability to conduct the interview in a manner befitting the community. I wanted the individual to like me, to grace me with their presence in the interview. So we shall see if I babbled my way into an awesome interview or right on out the damn door.

That's pretty odd for me, usually, I'm quite the opposite. There has never been anything stand, for long anyway, in my way when I wanted to go after something. I'm a little on the tenacious side. Or mule ass stubborn as my grandmother said. My honey even commented that I seemed a little thrown off my game. So it must have been bad, if he felt he should comment on it. He generally, just lets me be me and is happy when I'm acting my goofy self.

Thirdly there was a super excited response from an individual who identified themselves as a sub (submissive). I immediately liked this person and their excitement to share and dispel some of the misconceptions. Again, through e-verse I might have talked my way in or out of another awesome interview, I can only wait and see.

Then I went for a ride through FetLife. WOW um, ok sure. I had to take off my own judgy panties for this experience. FetLife isn't just BDSM, it's a whole lot more and some of the threads completely skeeved me out to the point of showering and diving into my power puff girls thermal jammies and into bed with the honey. Almost hiding under the covers. So for the sake of, well, me I'll just take this slow and yes, there will be some fetishes that I'll completely avoid because I just can't go there. No, won't go there. But there is a very active, welcoming & I dare say thriving BDSM population on FetLife. I even joined a group, the comfy chair. So let's just pretend I did not see some of the threads I did, and get the bleach for my brain. I might have gotten damaged. (puppies kitties and rainbows, puppies kitties and rainbows)

I'm approaching this entire series with an open mind and a desire to show the humanity of it all. I pride myself in saying I'm a humanist and as long as it's legal and with a willing partner I'm cool with it. This is still true, but again only for those things between participants of majority age who have given their willing consent to be engaged in such a manner. I'm so excited to get to do this exploration, probably more for myself that I will ever admit.

It's strange how utterly inviting it is to me, how oddly attracted I am to this topic. So we shall see how things either progress or digress. Many female readers of FSOG have found themselves empowered to explore some sexuality fringes, while others were completely disgusted with the entirety of the series. I will admit, it made me curious and a little randy. Even Dr. Ruth said she would sleep with Mr. Grey, the male figure in shades! (I'm not even sure what to call him now. Is he a Dominant or a Sadist? Or something else. I just don't know)

So this is going to be fun, exciting and a learning experience for me and I will share it with you all. Stay safe, stay sexy and as always...

Stay Curvy

XOXO

The truth about

body image...

There seems to be a battle of body images going on. Frankly it's bullshit. Sorry, but I'm going to call a spade a spade. After speaking with two awesome women last night whom both survived breast cancer it got me to thinking. (It happens, zip it :D ) I understand that we each have differences some of us are thin and some are not. Some are confident and some are not. Some are tall while others are short. So while we enjoy our differences, and the fact that unless we are an identical twin, no one else in the world looks like us. (the doppelgänger theory has yet to be proven scientifically)

 Yet rather than celebrating these differences we so enjoy, we choose to battle for the "hearts and minds" of our counterparts in the sexual arena. Why? I'm quite tired of the mantras going about comparing body types.  My name says it all, I am curvy. I got curves so sharp they need a speed restriction and while I can relate to this (because it is my body type) I'm NOT IDENTIFIED (yes I used Bossy caps) by this. Each image is of a breathtakingly beautiful woman. Her body "type" is the last thing I see. The first image I see confidence and oozing sexuality, the second image is just wow, the third image I see her beautiful lines and the fourth image I see a woman who is confident and fun and comfortable with herself. (Oh and the first image I see a great pair of shoes, OMG call me I have to know where to get those!!!)

What is the freaking point? I know right, I'm getting to it. The point is that this battle of body types isn't helping. Mantras like "REAL women have curves" only trivialize and demean our thin sisters. So cut it the F out. Seriously. I read somewhere the other day, a woman had posted that she was a "big girl" and had yadda yadda yadda issue. The very first response to her was something like "Don't try to make yourself real by saying your fat..." I thought to myself what a twattish thing to say. (Sorry for the language, I had to make up a word to fit my feelings on the comment and that was as nasty as I could come up with)

There seem to be two very divided camps on body image, those who believe that you're not real if you don't have curves and those who believe that you are slobbish and unhealthy if you do. These camps are divided not really over any issue other than competition for mates. Sorry, but it's true. It's our genetic makeup, for a majority of the population, to seek out the most suitable mate. Contrary to popular belief, it's not ones appearance that initially attracts our mate, but our chemical make up. Our Pheromones. Then it's our social compatibility, meaning are we comfortable being ourselves around potential mates, can we have a conversation with them. Then comes the physical attraction.

I've been all over the board on "my type" I've gone from Harley guy, to Judge, to Military, to Gynecologist (please don't get me started on this one) American good ole' boy, American Indian, to Italian, to Russian and finally to French. I can appreciate me some Wesley Snipes and yet find myself oddly attracted to that kinda skeevy, sketchy character on the Walking Dead. (You know the one with the cross-bow) At times, I can appreciate the rock hard abs and the strength they embody, others I crave the softer more comfortable type.

The point I'm getting to is that while all these male body types exist, you don't see men waging a body war with each other. They are getting it right over on us ladies. You don't see a man say, "OMG Ralph, look at his butt, it's just so big." *as I break into song and dance singing I like Big Butts* Men don't seem to have this body type issue with each other, yet it would seem what we THINK men prefer in women has created a "Body War" between women.

It's real simple, most men (and women) have a variety of tastes in their sexual partners. At one point in my younger years, I weighed in at a whopping 103lbs soaking wet. 96 of those pounds were my butt. (only a minor exaggeration) This was long before JLo and her fabulous ass hit the scene. I was dating a "gentleman" who made the comment that my butt was too big and I needed to work out. So after 967,421 squats and lunges the tape measure devastated me with a growth rate of nearly an inch for my backside. It got bigger!!!! :(( I should have said then, what Margaret Cho so eloquently said, something to the tune of If you are finding flaws with my body while you are F'ing me, then you shouldn't be F'ing me. But I was young, and had fallen under the Cosmopolitan spell of "this is the perfect body", and the Maxim idea of what EVERY man wants.

It wasn't until I went into business for myself that I learned it's all about marketing. This ideal of what is beautiful and what you need to BUY to get this look so people will find you attractive, when people find you attractive you have power and with power comes the finer things in life. All in all a great circle of the "good life", but there is one flaw. No matter how hard you try, you can't Photoshop who you are.

So now we have this raging battle of female body types and frankly we look like complete idiots when we engage in the whole Curvy vs Skinny craptastic BS. It's shallow and vicious and frankly no man I know wants a woman who is sooooo self-absorbed they have to bash another woman because of her body type. It may be statistically proven that heavier women have a harder time in the work force, getting a job etc... But who is doing the hiring? Is it another judgey panties sister who has to make a point regarding body type? I don't know the answer.

Finally, and only then will I step down off my reinforced soap box, there is a difference in the body type war and the health war. It comes down to this, if someone you are F'ing says you're too this or too that ditch them, they aren't worth your time. If your DOCTOR, (who btw you should not be F'ing) says you're too this or too that, you need to listen to them and take the action to get out of that "too much range".

So here's my list of sexy...
Confidence
Attitude
A loving heart
Inner Strength
Personality

No matter the body type war, stay true to yourself, stay confident, stay healthy and as always...

Stay Curvy (or not ;) )

P.S. Wesley call me. :D Rawr Rawr Rawr (I'mma be a vampire for Halloween and might need a good staking O_O)

Breast Cancer

and body image. I had the privilege to speak with not one but two of the most awesome and inspirational women I have ever had the pleasure to meet tonight. I cannot even begin to express how they inspire me and I honestly hope that any woman, or partner of a woman who is going through breast cancer or is still suffering sexual side effects from this disease will find in these two as much inspiration as I have.

I've not been affected by Breast Cancer either personally or through a close family member so I really was in the dark about the subject other than I knew it affected the "girls" and was bad. I couldn't personally imagine the betrayal of my body to the extent of actual physical detachment of a body part. Let alone one of my breasts. I mean, I love my bewbies. They are soft and pretty and squishy and fun to play with. It's a love affair and I always giggle cause I can play with them when ever I want to. It's like a toy for me that can't be taken away.

So to have the honor of having these two awesome women who not only won the battle with breast cancer, but came back sexier than ever gave me hope for all my sexy sisters out there who are in survival mode and battling this disease. You have now two role models, two beautiful sexy women who embrace life and living and one of the best parts of life in a healthy sexual relationship.

I have a whole new respect and admiration for all women and the MEN who have the stones to stand with them as they go through this struggle. So my hat, (it's a betty boop beanie btw) off to you.

Please enjoy the show Sex Talk with Curvy October 27th

Stay sexy, stay strong and as always...


Stay Curvy
XOXO

Spices to add in the kitchen to spice up life in the bedroom

We can go a long way to increase our libido and heat up our sex life in the bedroom from the comfort of our very own kitchen. Most people I know have a love / hate relationship with food and sometime with their libido as well. In my quest to find all things sexy and sexual I ran across Ayurveda. This is an ancient principle of healing that dates back several thousand years. Ayurveda is brought to us by the same culture that brought us the Kama Sutra, "you're welcome".

SPICE! Yummy. In several ancient traditions such as Ayurveda as well as emerging western healing traditions, spice and food is being determined to have various health benefits. Spices are a great tool to add into our kitchens for their health benefits and libido benefits!

Warming spices such as Cinnamon, Chilis or Peppers, Mustard, Ginger, Clove & Garlic are used to "start the fire" within. Warming spices are great in the fall and winter as it assists us in creating heat within our bodies and heat in the bedroom. They are fairly easy to incorporate into our daily lives without a lot of time spent in the kitchen. I've put together my favorite sexy spices for you and little ways to incorporate them into your daily meals and spicy sex-capades.

Cinnamon Yummy and warming! Cinnamon Spiced Apple Cider is a great fall drink to warm your up and help get you hot! It smells absolutely great as it infuses the whole house with the smell of cinnamon and cider. They don't make $25 Yankee candles with this scent for no reason. It creates a warm, comforting environment within the home and when we are warm and comfortable intimacy comes easily. As Cinnamon heats up your body it also heats up your sex drive. (yippeee cinnamon) The pectin in apples is also believed to increase the libido as well. Apples have been prescribed as remedies for various ailments for the last 6500 or so years, so the sexy, luscious red apple is here to stay and when combined with some yummy warming cinnamon it can light that internal fire. There are many ways to combine these two sexy powerhouses Apple pie, Bakes apples, Apple Bread Pudding. (OMG I'm so hungry)

Chilies and Curries Warms you up just thinking about it. Chilies have a chemical called capsaicin, this hot little gem releases epinephrine. Epinephrine or adrenaline in turn releases endorphins which temporarily relieve stress and improve our mood. Epinephrine has been shown to have some pain relieving properties which may also allow the "chili pleasure seeker" to feel freed to experience more pleasurable sensations. When eating spicy foods your body displays some reaction in sweating, increased heart rate and a feeling of euphoria, kind of like what happens when you have SEX!!!!

Mustard Seeds I know right. But Mustard seeds have been used for centuries for a multitude of ailments from hair-loss to cancer to low libido. The mustard seed is a source of internal bio-energy for the body. It's know to treat problems such as stress, depression, anxiety & some sexual dysfunction. My honey introduced me to the seeded types of mustard and their yumminess with a tender steak. (The steak also provides protein for your sexual Olympics so "Yeah Steak") Mustard Oil in combination with another vegetable oil is a great massage oil as it warms the body externally, as it does when we have a nice mustard with steak.

Ginger has that exotic taste, the awesome smell and many documented health benefits including the increase of blood flow to the sexual organs. You can enjoy ginger in so many ways like tea, ginger spiced dishes and a yummy salad with ginger dressing. I found this super delicious, sexy, sweet recipe Clementines in Ginger Syrup.

Photo By: William Abranowicz

Cloves are another warming spice that increases the blood flow, body temperature and energy. They can be added into many dishes to create that heat we need to get our motors running. A little clove and orange marmalade spread over a nice baguette in the morning can be a great wake me up (and keep me up). There are a variety of recipes you can find online, the one I've used is Clove and Orange Marmalade. This particular recipe is fairly easy to make and contains honey which is another aphrodisiac as well as delish!

Garlic I love garlic it can be added to many main dishes for flavor. But Garlic aside from being an awesome flavor-ite (yes, it's a made up word too) it helps promote the production of the enzyme, nitric oxide synthase or NOS. NOS plays a large role in the process to achieve and maintain an erection. One of my favorite things to make on the weekends is roasted garlic and tomato salsa, it tastes good, is easy and barely lasts through Saturday night. Plus it helps the honey keep at the ready. (whoot me)

There are a multitude of spices that warm the body and therefore the libido that I know of but have a bit of struggle to incorporate into my cooking routine. So if you have recipes (that are easy) for the following spices let me know. These other spices include but not limited to... Saffron, Fenugreek, Fennel, and Cardamom. Cardamom is a great spice that is added to Chai teas and I know that you can get the Oregon spice chai tea in premix, but it's just not the same as having a great Chai recipe.

So anyhoo, these spices are a great way to increase our heat internally and in the bedroom. Get to cooking, get hot, stay safe and as always....



Stay Curvy
XOXO

Private Parts

and Public Opinion.  I really really really hate discussing political topics. With the election going on and "hot topics" like this going around, I tend to have an issue with keeping my big mouth shut.

Now there is a term, biting off more than you can chew and even with my big mouth this can still happen. I'm quite certain that this will be one of those times. So buckle in and get ready for a ride on the Curvies Opinion Train. (Doesn't even SOUND like fun) But this is bothering me so I'm going to get it off my chest and deal with the ramifications later, like laters baby!

Earlier this weekend I'm chatting with a gay couple, who by the way are adorable. The topic comes up, what is my position on gay marriage. Me, being the anti-clause of the political holiday, I usually stand there with my fingers in my ears going "I can't hear you, I can't hear you, I'm not listening, I'm not listening" It usually works for me, unless it's in regards to this topic or the cop who pulled me over the other day. (For the record I wasn't speeding, I had to pee)

So after being unable to avoid the conversation, I had to come up with a position. I fumbled about for a moment and finally said "What does it matter where you put your private parts, as long as you are with a willing partner" Apparently that was the lamest position this couple heard. I got the smirk and hand on the hip, "Say what" that made me continue to ramble on about private parts etc... They gracefully let me out of that rather uncomfortable corner I had stumbled my way into, with a simple "Not standing up for anything, means you will fall for anything."

I had this conversation ringing in my head for days and I sat down and started thinking about "Marriage". Marriage is often called an "institution". I recall not so many decades ago, when there were other "institutions" that didn't allow women to be students, or African-Americans to attend. Then I think too, it wasn't so long ago that the laws governing the institution didn't allow mixed race marriages between a man and a woman.

Then I start thinking about sex, (I know it's shocking, right) and I remember that there are laws regarding certain sex acts that were still on the books until 2003 when the US Supreme Court invalidated laws against "Sodomy". (See Lawrence v. Texas.) Prior to this US Supreme Court decision, 36 states had previously repealed these laws but it was this case that invalidated the remaining states "Sodomy" laws. Now, I don't like the word "sodomy" and for the most part, what is considered "sodomy" is any "Unnatural sex act" including Oral Sex and Anal Sex.

Now I have to back up. Say what? You mean to tell me that as a married woman, prior to 2003 I was committing an illegal act? Handcuff me now! (No really I like it) I can't help but offer up a nervous giggle thinking that some bureaucrat in a stuffy brown suit is telling me where I can put my girlie parts, on whom I can put them, and for that matter where I can put them. I'm calling bullshit on this play.

Finally I start to think about how these past laws affect people today, (as if I would ever give up the oral). I try to conceive of how same-sex marriages will affect mine. I try to think of one thing I will lose if my gay couple friends get married. What sanctity am I losing? How does it take away from my own marriage? How will it affect my child? You know, I might not be the sharpest tool in the tool shed, but I cannot for the life of me come up with a single way lesbian and homosexual couples getting married will affect my marriage. After all, if it's an institution doesn't marriage then fall under the 14th amendment and particularly the Equal Protection Clause that says, "the states could not, among other things, deprive people of the equal protection of the laws."

Now for another argument I've been subjected to regarding Marriage Rights, is that marriage is a Christian union in the eyes of G_d. That's sweet, but I have to break it to you, long before Christianity there were union passages such as hand-fastings etc... So again, the modern concept might be claimed by one or another, the simple fact is that people have been coming together in union for thousands of years. I also ask of this notion, if it's a Christian union, then is the marriage between atheists not a real marriage?

So I like to talk about sex, but when the government or spiritual conglomerate begin to tell me who, when and how I tend to get a little "tinkled" off. It's my parts, and as long as the person I'm backin' it up on is of majority age and a willing partner there should be no laws regarding my union. What's next? Will we say married couples who engage in BDSM are committing an unnatural sex act and therefore their marriage is null and void? As for the sanctity of marriage, puhleese, the sanctity of marriage went away with $499.99 + filing fee divorce attorneys, it died when it became easier to get a divorce than it was to get married!

Maybe we need to work on creating happy, satisfying, safe marriages for ALL couples, rather than worrying about where people put their private parts within their marriage.

Anyhoo, my only opinion is that if you are lucky enough to find love, to find that person you want to spend your life with CONGRATS and go for it! It's not my business what you do with your private parts, nor your tax write-offs based on your sexuality.

It's my desire to make sure you have fun, stay safe and as always...

Stay Curvy!!

XOXO