Intimacy and Chemistry

We hear a lot about chemistry. But how does it relate to intimacy and how do we keep that chemical cocktail fresh in a long-term relationship?

A huge part of a couples chemistry lies in their basic level of communication. As with all communication, it starts with the largest sex organ in the human body, the brain. So often I'm harping on communication, communication, COMMUNICATION. Even in some of the research I'm doing on upcoming segments, I'm still amazed at the practices of communication that are in some circles a set baseline for relationships.

Now, communication can be many things to many different people. I communicate daily with hundreds of people regarding sex and sexual issues. On the surface this is intimate, but in actuality, it's not. It's almost clinical. We can chat with our girlfriends about sex and while it's an intimate subject, and with our intimate girlfriends it's still a far cry from being that intimate communication with our lovers.

It's one thing to say I'd really like ____ to try this with me to a friend or counselor. But at times saying I'd like you to do this ____ to me tonight when you get home, is a bit more difficult. There is a safety issue. What will my partner think of me? Will they still love me? How will this change my relationship? It is a huge step in communication and an even larger step in chemistry department.

It's through this intimate communication that we can maintain, and even grow our chemical connection to our partners. One way we can increase our chemistry is by some sexy talk, expressing our fantasies to our lovers. Chemistry in an intimate relationship is created through intimate communication.

A sexy text, note or message throughout the day can go a long way to creating some chemistry between you and your partner. This is part of expressing ourselves, both as partners as well as sexual beings.

Another way to ensure and even increase the chemistry is to always try to look your best. Look, I get it, times are tough, stress levels are high, the demands on our time are relentless. BUT, we can choose to ignore ourselves and our appearance and run the risk of losing it all together or we can MAKE time for ourselves and keeping our appearance nice to look at. It's pretty simple, we are all mammals, and mammals are generally attracted to other mammals who offer ideal genetic materials for procreation. That's the science, here's the real deal. If you are in a long-term relationship and have fallen into that married pudgy, half leg shave, wearing the mickey mouse sweatshirt with a little vomit still on it from the baby earlier this afternoon, girlfriend you gotta get out of that.

Don't even begin to think that guys don't fall into that as well. They used to put on cologne to meet us for coffee, shave, shower and pick out some decent clothes to wear upon our dates.

Attractiveness does go both ways and it is truly up to each individual within this partnership to keep their side of this unspoken deal up. I understand that it's hard with the obligations of life and family to think of ourselves. It might even look like vanity to some. But I think most women will agree, how they feel is based on how they feel they look. We've been told that it's vanity, we've been warned not to be that "high maintenance" woman, it's been made ok to let ourselves go after marriage. Well, it's not. We're not. And only to a certain extent is it ok.

One way to ensure your attractiveness to you mate is to know what particular body part they like, are they a leg man, a butt man etc... this does go both ways guys, we ladies like and are attracted to different body parts as well. I know we often say it's "his eyes" or "his smile" but most of us secretly are checking out other parts as well. Me, I love me some strong thighs on a man. Don't get me wrong, upper body strength is important, but I think that strong, thick, healthy, hard thighs are awesome. There's several reasons, the prevalent one today is in the event of a zombie attack, if, as I'm running in my 6 inch spiked heel boots and twist my ankle, will my partner be able to effectively toss me over his shoulder and run us both to safety? IJS. Spindly male thighs, can't run as far or as fast during a zombie attack and I run the risk of limping off on my own and being forced to tarzanna up a tree and through the overhead branches again risking more life and limb to get away. It's a survival strategy. True story. Anyhooo...

Find out what part your lover likes and accentuate that. If he (or she) is a thigh lover, get those jeans on that are a little snug (not tight, again zombies, getting away, tight-fitting restrictive movement jeans not a good scenario) around the thigh or wear that short skirt with some thigh high stockings. There is nothing wrong with drawing attention to the part or parts of your body that your lover likes.

A second tip to increase chemistry in your relationship is the simplest one of all. LOOK AT EACH OTHER! We tend to stop doing this as we are inundated with the demands of life, we might end up spending our sit down meal time watching our toddlers to make sure they stop feeding spaghetti to the parrot rather than looking and conversing with our partners.

One technique you can use to increase intimacy and bonding while looking at your partner is to look straight into their pupils. You can tell a lot about your lovers level of interest by checking out their pupils. A persons pupils will increase in size or dilate when they are interested or turned on. Conversely, they will constrict when your lover loses interest or become disturbed.

Looking directly into your lovers eyes or a lovers gaze has been the bedrock of love stories, erotic art and poetry since man and woman have had the power of conversation and expression. It's also hugely erotic and full of promise. So try it. Stop having that conversation over band-width battling laptops, look at each other and speak!

A third suggestion is that when you are having this intense, eye gazing convo lean in toward your lover. Let them know that they not only hold your mind and eyes captive but your body is drawn to them as well. Be a magnet to your lovers iron and vis e versa. I'm not saying to cling to them or hang like a puppy on each breath they take, but show your physical interest by a slight lean in. (no one really likes a Cling-on, really I've seen star wars or star trek and ya don't see babes hanging on that dude.)

Fourth, engage your partner in something exciting. Get your adrenaline pumping together. Let me give you an example. You can have sex after a weekend day of laundry, dishes and yard work and it might be great. OR You can have sex after just having jumped together 20,000 feet out of a perfectly good airplane ON PURPOSE! The adrenaline alone is nearly enough to orgasm, but imagine you are with your lover on some exciting intrigue or adventure. The sharing of an exciting event, some heart racing adventure is enough to boost your chemical attraction together because its something you have shared and experienced together!

Last, but not least. Harness the power of touch. Don't go all PDA on me in the mall or anything, but why not hold hands? Show your appreciation to each other with a long lingering toe curling kiss. Smack that ass as he's walking by with 60 pounds of moss for the winter garden. It's playful, its fun and it again is simple proximity creating chemistry between you and your lover.

Here's your chemistry check list. Consider it homework and get back to me later on how it goes. HEHE

1. Keep it real, keep it sexy. Show off your foxiness. Accentuate the positive.
2. Look into my eyes. Look at each other. Peer into the soul of your lover.
3. The lean in. Come closer my lovelies. Be drawn in by your lover.
4. Excite the mind and body. Get that adrenaline pumping. Adventure with your love.
5. Feels goooooooooood. Touch me there. Smack that ass!

Seriously, these are pretty basic. Yes. They seem almost simplistic, but isn't it always the simple things that often get left behind as we march away on our paths of life? It's easy to forget to look at our partner when there are so many things out there demanding our visual attention. It's easy to lean back and relax after a long hard day of work rather than lean in to show our interest.

Try this, see if it doesn't create within you and your lover a little extra spark, those thoughts that make us speed home from work just to see our lovers.

Stay sexy, stay safe and as always...


Stay Curvy
XOXO

Today in my search

I was lucky enough to stumble across some pages dedicated to noobs to the BDSM community. (yippeee me) Ironically, they appear to be written by the Dom, the Sadist or the Top. (I still don't really know what a Top is, I've an idea though)

On the surface, it would appear that these are the givers to their receivers. That they would most benefit from a noobie they could take and "train" how they pleased. The majority of these articles, (I'll post em in a minute keep your panties on), are written as words of caution to the noobs to not fall prey to "unethical" practitioners.

I think a large part of the non BDSM of society sees these individuals as predators and without ethics. But from my reading, I see them as taking as stance against predatory actions, adding a sense of structure and quite a bit of credibility to their lifestyle. It's ironic to me because these individuals are seen often (by non-practitioners) as abusive, controlling, domineering etc... So to see these "types" issuing words of caution is quite contrary to initial belief.

Don't get me wrong, I've been spanked a few times and my first spanking came when I was 6 or 7 and my mother got out the dreaded belt. My older brother, who was 16 or 17 loves to tell the story. I had done some terrible thing and my mother bent me over the bed and in one fell swoop and crack the belt made such an impression I was across the bed like superman jumping a tall buildings in a single bound. Of the hundreds of family get togethers when the story is told (over and over again) apparently I peeked over the mattress and asked my brother "What was that?" After his fit of laughter he explained that "That, was a spanking". I don't have fond memories of that nor any of the ones to follow, and a severe aversion to pain.

I don't even like for butterflies to land on me cause it skeeves me out their little straw like proboscis and their sharp little bitty sticky feet attaching themselves to my skin. *shudders* I once slammed the car door on my thumb, because I was too concerned with getting off me the creepy little grasshopper that had landed on my leg that I forgot to move my hand as I was doing the "get it off getitoff GETITOFF don't let it get in the car" slamming the door dance. I know I have issues, so anyway.

I bring this up because regardless of this aversion to pain, suffering, bugs, and other creepy things I still find this community to be fascinating. It might be the level of rules and control they exhibit. I found on the CEPE page, it's a group in my area, a BDSM checklist of 200 questions. 200 freaking questions AND they clearly state that there will be more as required by the individual couple. Now, I'm thinking "there are an awful lot of rules" in addition to limits, hard limits and off-limits.

Then I think, how many times do "vanilla" couples have such an in-depth discussions of sexual likes, dislikes and don't even dream about its? The comparison is impossible. The only similarities I can see so far, is the penis to VaJayJay and/or anus for most hetro couples as well as mutual love and respect. (I'd really like to discuss straight vanilla which my understanding is no kink but anyhoo)

So before the onslaught of judgy pant people start, I'll just put my two cents in right now. Do Not Assume that you know the right way to show love and respect between all people. Listen, "your way" is NOT the only right way. K? K! Oh and if your blood pressure is rising from anger or disgust, you might want to stop reading cause it will only get worse. Toodles, see you when this segment is finished. :D Aaaaaaaand moving on...

So back to what I was thinking before I so rudely interrupted myself. This link CEPE Checklist has 200 various questions regarding different "kink" that a couple discusses, marks off etc...

I like the communication aspect of this. It's safer than the "Ya wanna get it on?" where the only discussed rule is to condom or not to condom. Seriously??!!??!! WTF? How are we vanillas missing this very basic form of intimacy? There is apparently a huge amount of preparation prior to the act, and a respect that is honestly, quite amazing to me. I've suggested in the past that we do a sexy letter day, or a weekly wish list with our partners regarding sex. These practitioners, actually perform this on a regular basis and stick to it. No slip ups or excuses. They acknowledge that what they prefer might be considered out of the ordinary and respectfully request permission.

Again, communication is such a huge aspect of intimacy and most of the couples I've spoken to find they are lacking in these areas. He or She doesn't know how or feel comfortable discussing sex, sexual fantasies, what feels good etc... so they rather quickly find that their sexual life and appetites begin to falter if not fall off completely. Yet depending on which study you look at, practitioners of BDSM show a markedly higher percentage of overall sexual satisfaction. So again, it's my belief that due to the extent of communication, in addition to actively pursuing their sexual pleasures within the "accepted" parameters of their sexual relationship, attributes immensely to this higher sexual satisfaction rate.

Now on to Permission? WTF. This entire experience is turning out to be quite the opposite of what I "saw" from the outside looking in. The Doms, Sadists and Tops have to get permission from their counterparts. This is not what one would initially see at first, second or 957,425,543.3 look. I think what most people of the "nilla" type see is abuse, degradation, etc... when in actuality, it's the receiver who elicits complete control. EDIT: There is a negotiation, so the parameters of the sexual interactions are pre-agreed upon. It's counterintuitive to those of us who are peeking in.

When you think of a scene in FSOG, any of them pretty much, or when you "accidentally" type in BDSM to your browser and stumble across some BDSM erotica. You, if you're a vanilla type, might initially see some poor woman or man being abused by a domineering, controlling ass hat. Yet, it's that poor little man or woman who have in part with their partner who have developed the parameters of acceptable, willing and "not gonna happen, ever". They like it and they hold to account their partner. They willingly give their consent to relinquish their own personal power of choice to their partner. (power-play more to follow, when I say so. :D) They have a say in what is or isn't allowed, they have a "safe word" that they are able to use at any time to cease the activity.

Unless we are discussing a Master/slave relationship. (Again more to come on this at a later date) This is yet another topic that will be followed up on. I so was not kidding about the intricacies of this particular sexual lifestyle and its practitioners. There is a huge amount of information out there, that is both interesting and I'll admit, a little intimidating. *still not sceered* ;)

A common practice called "aftercare" is also considered and outlined in their sexual communications. What is aftercare? It's where the couple spends time re-connecting and bond. Yes, bond and this is, in most practitioners lives, a requirement not a suggestion. Aftercare is after a "scene" is completed they engage in activities meant to create a bond and closeness. It's intimacy after the O!

How many times have us vanilla's complained that after sex, it's nappy time for him or her, and we want to cuddle? I'll go more into this in a later submission (hehe I got it in here neeeeneeeerrrrrr neeeeeeneeeerrrrrr) Because it's important and a lesson we can incorporate into our sex lives as non-practitioners of BDSM. Again I find myself trying to compare these practices with the more traditional sex components and it's a struggle. While there is no right or wrong way to have sex, there are certain aspect of the act that increase our bond to our partners, our level of intimacy and even boost our moods. I'm so keeping a cheat sheet going on what portions of the lifestyle I want incorporated into my own sex life, what I'm willing to explore and what would be a hard limit for me. I think it would be great fun to check out that CEPE activities list to start a discussion with my honey. :D

Back to my original point. These articles often are directed to "noobs" to give them a check list of both red-flags (no gos), what to expect and what not to tolerate. They clearly outline what is considered predatory and unethical. So here are a few examples.

Identifying Predatory Behaviour

When the unethical meet the unprepared

Risk Management

Dangerous Webmasters in BDSM

These again are written it seems to me to protect us nosey newbies and those people who have decided to dabble. These experienced practitioners know, understand and take measures to minimize risk to their partners physical, mental and emotional health. They, it appears, wish to ensure that people who are experimenting aren't being taken advantage of or abused. Which again is counter intuitive at first glance to this lifestyle.

There is something about the power exchange that is amazing to me. I can get it, on a submissive (I think) level. After 15 to 18 hours of work each day, managing the house, my business, my husband's business and being responsible for everything in our world it gets tiring. Decisions that require lightning fast responses then the constant questioning of ones self regarding those decisions. I have to think that at least sometime it might be nice to have at the least my sexual responsibilities and decisions made by someone else. I think of the freedom I might have to think of other things and explore a creative aspect rather than be bogged down at all times by the 101,498,384 responsibilities and decisions that go with waking up in the morning.

My understanding of the real underlying tenant of these relationships is trust and structure, in my rather loose grasp of the topic. How much trust can you place in another human being? (who naturally make mistakes, sorry we all do) How do you get in that head space that just allows you to be? I just don't know that answer. I'm one of those people who have a very high flight or fight response. I take only calculated risks and find that when something isn't just right, I have to make it so. There are certain things that I am simply compelled to do to provide a level of protection for my home and family. So while I can get it, I just don't know if I can get into it.

Now my comments here are just a tidbit of the actuality of what is the BDSM community. It's a tiny fraction of what there is to learn and only my take on what information I have gained so far. I thought I would just update where we are today. I'm interested to see where this takes me and how these entries develop.

So until next time, stay safe, stay sexy and as always...


Stay Curvy
XOXO

Devling into

"fringes" of sex and sexuality...

Now the jury is out on whether or not I like the term "Fringe" but as in all things, fringe tends to be that close to the edge... thing. Whether it be a fringe science, a fringe religion or fringe sex. It's generally considered outside the norm. According to dictionary.com fringe is "Not part of the mainstream; unconventional, peripheral, or extreme" so I guess it applies here. The only issue I have with it is I believe it marginalizes an entire population of practitioners of "fringe sex".

So what is fringe sex?

Urban Dictionary say this:
1. fringe sex
The act of using one's fringe in order to give somebody sexual pleasure.
Particularly enjoyed by those who harbour a rather unusual fetish for fringes, fringe sex works best with a long straight fringe that can more easily be wrapped around the genitals.

MMMMMMMk, so let's go with my definition of fringe sex instead. (I might need to start a dictionary of my own for my made up words and such) *snore*

Fringe sex, in my opinion is any sexual act that exists outside the societal norm. Societal norm being the traditional man/woman, monogamous, whose on top type act. So it is very broad reaching. It can include all things outside the norm, homosexual, Bi-sexuality, BDSM, fetish, polygamy, threesomes, foursomes, moresomes, latex, food sex and the list goes on.

A lot of attention, due to some wildly popular publications of recent, has been shed on one fringe community as whole of late. I'm not entirely certain of how comfortable the community is being placed in this rather harsh light of suspicion, judgement and intrigue. That community is BDSM, and let me tell you in my research I have had the pleasure of meeting some pretty awesome practitioners. Shockingly they are less judgmental of me than most of society is of them. I'd like to take just a moment and relay what I've learned so far. We're working on a series of broadcasts to come in December and January with some experienced, intelligent practitioners. Here is the link to the show Sex Talk with Curvy.

It's here where I want to chronicle here my experiences with the culture as a whole. I also want to say, if you are stone cold set against any and/or all aspects of fringe sex, BDSM, Scene play etc... Just go ahead and find something else you will be more comfortable reading because this blog might not be comfortable for you. There is no reason for hate or judgement etc... To each their own, I promise not to judge you based on your ideals, experiences or desires and only ask the same in return.

So let me start by how this idea came to me. I was one of the last people to read the phenom Fifty Shades of Grey. (Slacker, I know, but work and such took precedence) Speaking of work, I've been in the adult industry for years. I started out doing home pleasure parties and have recently only expanded onto the world wide web with my estore etc... Blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. I do know what it's like to have someone ask what you do for a living and you have to come up with some way to gently explain, "Hey, I sell dildos and butt plugs, ya want one?" So the awkward silences that usually follow my common answer "I sell adult items to individuals and couples who are looking to add some other dimensions into their sex life and increase their levels of intimacy. I also do sexuality and intimacy sessions to help individuals as well as couples increase their awareness. I try to provide them with the tools they need to sustain a healthy sex life and intimacy within their relationship." are not that new to me.

Being in the adult industry, I have always known about fringe sex, but I never really knew it. Back to how this came to me, I was one of the people who couldn't understand the venom directed at FSOG by some members of the BDSM community as well as so many others. I thought, well it's great, women and men alike are inspired by this to explore their sexuality. How can this be bad? I'm not even sure where to start.

Sure it got people into exploring the kinkier side of sex. The majority of the BDSM community (I've talked to) doesn't have a problem with this per se. That is where the exposure and mild appreciation ends. Yup, that's pretty much it. I'm not doing a book review here, so I'll move on.

I was at a party several weekends ago and had on display all my cool Fifty Shades display merchandise as well as the trilogy. Super great sellers. When I had a gal come to me and asked if I realized I was promoting abuse and rape. Say whaaaaa? I never looked at it that way, I've always understood that the entirety of the community and participant interaction is based on consent. Now, I would never promote these things, I despise these acts, these crime against humanity. So it was rather shocking to me to be accused of promoting it.

In point of fact a few weeks prior to this accusation, I had scheduled another radio broadcast to air on the 10th of November. This particular show is about Sexual Trauma and recovery. So NO Miss Snarky Judgy pants lady I do not promote abuse or rape. When your head exits your ass, you might be able to see the light and stop with the judgements that are so off target. IJS

Anyhoo, this was the very second, after my deer in the headlights look and failed WTF response that I decided to explore this community, this culture. My first step in doing so was to visit Reddit's BDSMcommunity site and did some snooping. After doing some reading, posts and responses, articles etc... I thought to myself these are generally normal, healthy people. *Not scared* So I posted just a few days ago that I was looking for participants on a radio broadcast to shed some light and dispel some myth regarding the BDSM community. I got a few snarky pm's, but for the most part the responses were positive and open.

Again, I have only a loose understanding of even the meaning of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism). There is an entire myriad of other understandings. I had always added in there Dominance and Submission but according to Wikipedia it's not there. So here is the beginning of my confusion. The definition seems to be open to interpretation, I am learning that it depends on who you talk to.

One of my first responders was an individual who identified themselves as a bottom. Huh? So, there are Tops and bottoms as well. I believe there is some importance given to the capitalization of Top/Dom and bottom/sub as well but I've yet to have confirmations. Moving on, this individual I've yet to receive a response after my PM saying something to the tune of "great here's my personal email, please send me a short bio... etc " I'm chatty so there were probably 10,000 more words there that I forgot, I'm assuming that I scared the individual off. (Alas, assume does start with the word ASS, so I could be wrong, consider this my disclaimer)

The second response I got was something like "No one is going to talk to you without knowing what the interview will be like." or something to that effect. I thought, they are right! How insensitive of me. Yadda Yadda Yadda. I should have approached the topic with a little more sensitivity considering the light to which has been shined on the community and probably less like, well, me. Any how, the responder suggested another person who might be interested, so I went for it. :D Sent this other person an email.

Again it went something like the previously mentioned, tact is NOT my strong point. Deal with it, I have to. This person responded and was a complete joy to e-verse (yes, it's made up too. An email conversation = e-verse) with. I will admit that I was a little shaken when they identified themselves as a Sadist. I thought I couldn't get thrown, yet the word itself invoked in me almost a feeling akin to terror. (I watch entirely too much CSI and the like) I can deal with the term Dominant, Dom. etc... There, at this moment, seems something less threatening in that term. (at least I think I can, which more often than not, isn't the case) So after I changed my panties, I emailed the individual again. Was probably more chatty than usual (shocking right) but I was oddly compelled to show my worthiness and ability to conduct the interview in a manner befitting the community. I wanted the individual to like me, to grace me with their presence in the interview. So we shall see if I babbled my way into an awesome interview or right on out the damn door.

That's pretty odd for me, usually, I'm quite the opposite. There has never been anything stand, for long anyway, in my way when I wanted to go after something. I'm a little on the tenacious side. Or mule ass stubborn as my grandmother said. My honey even commented that I seemed a little thrown off my game. So it must have been bad, if he felt he should comment on it. He generally, just lets me be me and is happy when I'm acting my goofy self.

Thirdly there was a super excited response from an individual who identified themselves as a sub (submissive). I immediately liked this person and their excitement to share and dispel some of the misconceptions. Again, through e-verse I might have talked my way in or out of another awesome interview, I can only wait and see.

Then I went for a ride through FetLife. WOW um, ok sure. I had to take off my own judgy panties for this experience. FetLife isn't just BDSM, it's a whole lot more and some of the threads completely skeeved me out to the point of showering and diving into my power puff girls thermal jammies and into bed with the honey. Almost hiding under the covers. So for the sake of, well, me I'll just take this slow and yes, there will be some fetishes that I'll completely avoid because I just can't go there. No, won't go there. But there is a very active, welcoming & I dare say thriving BDSM population on FetLife. I even joined a group, the comfy chair. So let's just pretend I did not see some of the threads I did, and get the bleach for my brain. I might have gotten damaged. (puppies kitties and rainbows, puppies kitties and rainbows)

I'm approaching this entire series with an open mind and a desire to show the humanity of it all. I pride myself in saying I'm a humanist and as long as it's legal and with a willing partner I'm cool with it. This is still true, but again only for those things between participants of majority age who have given their willing consent to be engaged in such a manner. I'm so excited to get to do this exploration, probably more for myself that I will ever admit.

It's strange how utterly inviting it is to me, how oddly attracted I am to this topic. So we shall see how things either progress or digress. Many female readers of FSOG have found themselves empowered to explore some sexuality fringes, while others were completely disgusted with the entirety of the series. I will admit, it made me curious and a little randy. Even Dr. Ruth said she would sleep with Mr. Grey, the male figure in shades! (I'm not even sure what to call him now. Is he a Dominant or a Sadist? Or something else. I just don't know)

So this is going to be fun, exciting and a learning experience for me and I will share it with you all. Stay safe, stay sexy and as always...

Stay Curvy

XOXO

The truth about

body image...

There seems to be a battle of body images going on. Frankly it's bullshit. Sorry, but I'm going to call a spade a spade. After speaking with two awesome women last night whom both survived breast cancer it got me to thinking. (It happens, zip it :D ) I understand that we each have differences some of us are thin and some are not. Some are confident and some are not. Some are tall while others are short. So while we enjoy our differences, and the fact that unless we are an identical twin, no one else in the world looks like us. (the doppelgänger theory has yet to be proven scientifically)

 Yet rather than celebrating these differences we so enjoy, we choose to battle for the "hearts and minds" of our counterparts in the sexual arena. Why? I'm quite tired of the mantras going about comparing body types.  My name says it all, I am curvy. I got curves so sharp they need a speed restriction and while I can relate to this (because it is my body type) I'm NOT IDENTIFIED (yes I used Bossy caps) by this. Each image is of a breathtakingly beautiful woman. Her body "type" is the last thing I see. The first image I see confidence and oozing sexuality, the second image is just wow, the third image I see her beautiful lines and the fourth image I see a woman who is confident and fun and comfortable with herself. (Oh and the first image I see a great pair of shoes, OMG call me I have to know where to get those!!!)

What is the freaking point? I know right, I'm getting to it. The point is that this battle of body types isn't helping. Mantras like "REAL women have curves" only trivialize and demean our thin sisters. So cut it the F out. Seriously. I read somewhere the other day, a woman had posted that she was a "big girl" and had yadda yadda yadda issue. The very first response to her was something like "Don't try to make yourself real by saying your fat..." I thought to myself what a twattish thing to say. (Sorry for the language, I had to make up a word to fit my feelings on the comment and that was as nasty as I could come up with)

There seem to be two very divided camps on body image, those who believe that you're not real if you don't have curves and those who believe that you are slobbish and unhealthy if you do. These camps are divided not really over any issue other than competition for mates. Sorry, but it's true. It's our genetic makeup, for a majority of the population, to seek out the most suitable mate. Contrary to popular belief, it's not ones appearance that initially attracts our mate, but our chemical make up. Our Pheromones. Then it's our social compatibility, meaning are we comfortable being ourselves around potential mates, can we have a conversation with them. Then comes the physical attraction.

I've been all over the board on "my type" I've gone from Harley guy, to Judge, to Military, to Gynecologist (please don't get me started on this one) American good ole' boy, American Indian, to Italian, to Russian and finally to French. I can appreciate me some Wesley Snipes and yet find myself oddly attracted to that kinda skeevy, sketchy character on the Walking Dead. (You know the one with the cross-bow) At times, I can appreciate the rock hard abs and the strength they embody, others I crave the softer more comfortable type.

The point I'm getting to is that while all these male body types exist, you don't see men waging a body war with each other. They are getting it right over on us ladies. You don't see a man say, "OMG Ralph, look at his butt, it's just so big." *as I break into song and dance singing I like Big Butts* Men don't seem to have this body type issue with each other, yet it would seem what we THINK men prefer in women has created a "Body War" between women.

It's real simple, most men (and women) have a variety of tastes in their sexual partners. At one point in my younger years, I weighed in at a whopping 103lbs soaking wet. 96 of those pounds were my butt. (only a minor exaggeration) This was long before JLo and her fabulous ass hit the scene. I was dating a "gentleman" who made the comment that my butt was too big and I needed to work out. So after 967,421 squats and lunges the tape measure devastated me with a growth rate of nearly an inch for my backside. It got bigger!!!! :(( I should have said then, what Margaret Cho so eloquently said, something to the tune of If you are finding flaws with my body while you are F'ing me, then you shouldn't be F'ing me. But I was young, and had fallen under the Cosmopolitan spell of "this is the perfect body", and the Maxim idea of what EVERY man wants.

It wasn't until I went into business for myself that I learned it's all about marketing. This ideal of what is beautiful and what you need to BUY to get this look so people will find you attractive, when people find you attractive you have power and with power comes the finer things in life. All in all a great circle of the "good life", but there is one flaw. No matter how hard you try, you can't Photoshop who you are.

So now we have this raging battle of female body types and frankly we look like complete idiots when we engage in the whole Curvy vs Skinny craptastic BS. It's shallow and vicious and frankly no man I know wants a woman who is sooooo self-absorbed they have to bash another woman because of her body type. It may be statistically proven that heavier women have a harder time in the work force, getting a job etc... But who is doing the hiring? Is it another judgey panties sister who has to make a point regarding body type? I don't know the answer.

Finally, and only then will I step down off my reinforced soap box, there is a difference in the body type war and the health war. It comes down to this, if someone you are F'ing says you're too this or too that ditch them, they aren't worth your time. If your DOCTOR, (who btw you should not be F'ing) says you're too this or too that, you need to listen to them and take the action to get out of that "too much range".

So here's my list of sexy...
Confidence
Attitude
A loving heart
Inner Strength
Personality

No matter the body type war, stay true to yourself, stay confident, stay healthy and as always...

Stay Curvy (or not ;) )

P.S. Wesley call me. :D Rawr Rawr Rawr (I'mma be a vampire for Halloween and might need a good staking O_O)

Breast Cancer

and body image. I had the privilege to speak with not one but two of the most awesome and inspirational women I have ever had the pleasure to meet tonight. I cannot even begin to express how they inspire me and I honestly hope that any woman, or partner of a woman who is going through breast cancer or is still suffering sexual side effects from this disease will find in these two as much inspiration as I have.

I've not been affected by Breast Cancer either personally or through a close family member so I really was in the dark about the subject other than I knew it affected the "girls" and was bad. I couldn't personally imagine the betrayal of my body to the extent of actual physical detachment of a body part. Let alone one of my breasts. I mean, I love my bewbies. They are soft and pretty and squishy and fun to play with. It's a love affair and I always giggle cause I can play with them when ever I want to. It's like a toy for me that can't be taken away.

So to have the honor of having these two awesome women who not only won the battle with breast cancer, but came back sexier than ever gave me hope for all my sexy sisters out there who are in survival mode and battling this disease. You have now two role models, two beautiful sexy women who embrace life and living and one of the best parts of life in a healthy sexual relationship.

I have a whole new respect and admiration for all women and the MEN who have the stones to stand with them as they go through this struggle. So my hat, (it's a betty boop beanie btw) off to you.

Please enjoy the show Sex Talk with Curvy October 27th

Stay sexy, stay strong and as always...


Stay Curvy
XOXO

Erotic Poetry with Sean-Pierre

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/curvies/2012/10/21/sex-talk-with-curvy. Listen and call in to speak with the man behind the words! If you enjoy his blog, you will enjoy the show!

Spices to add in the kitchen to spice up life in the bedroom

We can go a long way to increase our libido and heat up our sex life in the bedroom from the comfort of our very own kitchen. Most people I know have a love / hate relationship with food and sometime with their libido as well. In my quest to find all things sexy and sexual I ran across Ayurveda. This is an ancient principle of healing that dates back several thousand years. Ayurveda is brought to us by the same culture that brought us the Kama Sutra, "you're welcome".

SPICE! Yummy. In several ancient traditions such as Ayurveda as well as emerging western healing traditions, spice and food is being determined to have various health benefits. Spices are a great tool to add into our kitchens for their health benefits and libido benefits!

Warming spices such as Cinnamon, Chilis or Peppers, Mustard, Ginger, Clove & Garlic are used to "start the fire" within. Warming spices are great in the fall and winter as it assists us in creating heat within our bodies and heat in the bedroom. They are fairly easy to incorporate into our daily lives without a lot of time spent in the kitchen. I've put together my favorite sexy spices for you and little ways to incorporate them into your daily meals and spicy sex-capades.

Cinnamon Yummy and warming! Cinnamon Spiced Apple Cider is a great fall drink to warm your up and help get you hot! It smells absolutely great as it infuses the whole house with the smell of cinnamon and cider. They don't make $25 Yankee candles with this scent for no reason. It creates a warm, comforting environment within the home and when we are warm and comfortable intimacy comes easily. As Cinnamon heats up your body it also heats up your sex drive. (yippeee cinnamon) The pectin in apples is also believed to increase the libido as well. Apples have been prescribed as remedies for various ailments for the last 6500 or so years, so the sexy, luscious red apple is here to stay and when combined with some yummy warming cinnamon it can light that internal fire. There are many ways to combine these two sexy powerhouses Apple pie, Bakes apples, Apple Bread Pudding. (OMG I'm so hungry)

Chilies and Curries Warms you up just thinking about it. Chilies have a chemical called capsaicin, this hot little gem releases epinephrine. Epinephrine or adrenaline in turn releases endorphins which temporarily relieve stress and improve our mood. Epinephrine has been shown to have some pain relieving properties which may also allow the "chili pleasure seeker" to feel freed to experience more pleasurable sensations. When eating spicy foods your body displays some reaction in sweating, increased heart rate and a feeling of euphoria, kind of like what happens when you have SEX!!!!

Mustard Seeds I know right. But Mustard seeds have been used for centuries for a multitude of ailments from hair-loss to cancer to low libido. The mustard seed is a source of internal bio-energy for the body. It's know to treat problems such as stress, depression, anxiety & some sexual dysfunction. My honey introduced me to the seeded types of mustard and their yumminess with a tender steak. (The steak also provides protein for your sexual Olympics so "Yeah Steak") Mustard Oil in combination with another vegetable oil is a great massage oil as it warms the body externally, as it does when we have a nice mustard with steak.

Ginger has that exotic taste, the awesome smell and many documented health benefits including the increase of blood flow to the sexual organs. You can enjoy ginger in so many ways like tea, ginger spiced dishes and a yummy salad with ginger dressing. I found this super delicious, sexy, sweet recipe Clementines in Ginger Syrup.

Photo By: William Abranowicz

Cloves are another warming spice that increases the blood flow, body temperature and energy. They can be added into many dishes to create that heat we need to get our motors running. A little clove and orange marmalade spread over a nice baguette in the morning can be a great wake me up (and keep me up). There are a variety of recipes you can find online, the one I've used is Clove and Orange Marmalade. This particular recipe is fairly easy to make and contains honey which is another aphrodisiac as well as delish!

Garlic I love garlic it can be added to many main dishes for flavor. But Garlic aside from being an awesome flavor-ite (yes, it's a made up word too) it helps promote the production of the enzyme, nitric oxide synthase or NOS. NOS plays a large role in the process to achieve and maintain an erection. One of my favorite things to make on the weekends is roasted garlic and tomato salsa, it tastes good, is easy and barely lasts through Saturday night. Plus it helps the honey keep at the ready. (whoot me)

There are a multitude of spices that warm the body and therefore the libido that I know of but have a bit of struggle to incorporate into my cooking routine. So if you have recipes (that are easy) for the following spices let me know. These other spices include but not limited to... Saffron, Fenugreek, Fennel, and Cardamom. Cardamom is a great spice that is added to Chai teas and I know that you can get the Oregon spice chai tea in premix, but it's just not the same as having a great Chai recipe.

So anyhoo, these spices are a great way to increase our heat internally and in the bedroom. Get to cooking, get hot, stay safe and as always....



Stay Curvy
XOXO

Dr. Laura Bermans Veronica Pelvic Exerciser

Sooooooo I was super excited to get chosen to be one of CalExotics "SexPerts" as a Sex Toy Reviewer and I did get my first free tester toy last week. So now you know why I've been so quiet on my blog. :D

This is what I received Dr. Laura Bermans Veronica pelvic exerciser you can find it on my boutique site at Curvys After Midnight

This products packaging was extremely superior with the product sealed in its own little bubble wrap pouch. After I popped all the bubbles, because well, it's bubble wrap, I was surprised at how smooth and seamless this little gem was. It is nice to look at and non-porous so it's super easy to keep clean and sanitized.

It's well-balanced and weighted nicely. However, if a person is not used to pelvic exercisers or Kegels it might leave her wondering exactly how to get the most benefit from this. So I would have been happier to have found a little sheet of instructions. Really, just a sentence or two to would suffice to ensure that the consumer is using it properly and getting the maximum benefit from the product. Not every woman has used these types of exercisers, so the lack of guidance in effective use and functionality detracts just a tad from the overall product, in my opinion.

It has 3 weighted sections, one tip has a nice little g-spot angle and the other a rounded tip. In my opinion, the one downfall of the Veronica is that if you are using it as an exerciser you are pretty much stuck in the bathroom as you do them. You cannot move about like you may be able to with other Kegel exercisers. Now for others who need that specific time of day and activity in order to remember, it might be a positive for them. It really depends on if you have the time, drive and motivation to spend those few precious moments in the bathroom or bedroom doing nothing but these exercises. As with all muscle exercises, consistency is the key to success.

You insert either end inside the VJ while standing, gently holding the other end and contract the pelvic floor muscles to hold the tool in. Since I regularly do Kegel exercises with another product, this one, as far as the exercise itself is quite comparable. I am built a little like a horse, thick thighs and such, I could technically hold it in with my thighs alone, so to further the experiment I combined the exercise with a high squat.

Being dual purpose in that it also acts as a weighted massager you get sexy fun and functionality.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

Nicely Packaged
Smooth and seamless
Well weighted
Non-Porous
Dual purpose Pelvic Exerciser and Weighted Massager

Cons:

My package did not come with instructions.
Limitation on movement. (You can't walk about)

All in all it is a pretty handy little exerciser. Working the pelvic floor muscles is beneficial in so many ways.

Including but not limited to:

Stronger vaginal muscles for more pleasurable love-making
Ensures against urinary incontinence
Creates a stronger pelvic floor to keep all the pelvic organs in place
Consistent pelvic exercises will ensure against uterine prolapse

Like the rest of our bodies, the pelvic floor muscles need to be exercised to stay in shape. So spend a few minutes each day working these muscles as you do the rest of your body. For the past week, each day I've used the Dr. Laura Berman Pelvic Exerciser. Contracting the pelvic muscles for three seconds and release for three seconds 15 times in a rep and 3 reps a day. You should feel the VJ, urethra and anus tightening as you work the pelvic floor muscles. If you are feeling it in you belly or booty, you're working the wrong set of muscles. Using a weighted tool such as the Dr. Laura Bermans Veronica pelvic exerciser will benefit you through resistance training just as weight training benefits our other muscles.

So get busy, get strong and as always...


Stay Curvy

XOXO

Private Parts

and Public Opinion.  I really really really hate discussing political topics. With the election going on and "hot topics" like this going around, I tend to have an issue with keeping my big mouth shut.

Now there is a term, biting off more than you can chew and even with my big mouth this can still happen. I'm quite certain that this will be one of those times. So buckle in and get ready for a ride on the Curvies Opinion Train. (Doesn't even SOUND like fun) But this is bothering me so I'm going to get it off my chest and deal with the ramifications later, like laters baby!

Earlier this weekend I'm chatting with a gay couple, who by the way are adorable. The topic comes up, what is my position on gay marriage. Me, being the anti-clause of the political holiday, I usually stand there with my fingers in my ears going "I can't hear you, I can't hear you, I'm not listening, I'm not listening" It usually works for me, unless it's in regards to this topic or the cop who pulled me over the other day. (For the record I wasn't speeding, I had to pee)

So after being unable to avoid the conversation, I had to come up with a position. I fumbled about for a moment and finally said "What does it matter where you put your private parts, as long as you are with a willing partner" Apparently that was the lamest position this couple heard. I got the smirk and hand on the hip, "Say what" that made me continue to ramble on about private parts etc... They gracefully let me out of that rather uncomfortable corner I had stumbled my way into, with a simple "Not standing up for anything, means you will fall for anything."

I had this conversation ringing in my head for days and I sat down and started thinking about "Marriage". Marriage is often called an "institution". I recall not so many decades ago, when there were other "institutions" that didn't allow women to be students, or African-Americans to attend. Then I think too, it wasn't so long ago that the laws governing the institution didn't allow mixed race marriages between a man and a woman.

Then I start thinking about sex, (I know it's shocking, right) and I remember that there are laws regarding certain sex acts that were still on the books until 2003 when the US Supreme Court invalidated laws against "Sodomy". (See Lawrence v. Texas.) Prior to this US Supreme Court decision, 36 states had previously repealed these laws but it was this case that invalidated the remaining states "Sodomy" laws. Now, I don't like the word "sodomy" and for the most part, what is considered "sodomy" is any "Unnatural sex act" including Oral Sex and Anal Sex.

Now I have to back up. Say what? You mean to tell me that as a married woman, prior to 2003 I was committing an illegal act? Handcuff me now! (No really I like it) I can't help but offer up a nervous giggle thinking that some bureaucrat in a stuffy brown suit is telling me where I can put my girlie parts, on whom I can put them, and for that matter where I can put them. I'm calling bullshit on this play.

Finally I start to think about how these past laws affect people today, (as if I would ever give up the oral). I try to conceive of how same-sex marriages will affect mine. I try to think of one thing I will lose if my gay couple friends get married. What sanctity am I losing? How does it take away from my own marriage? How will it affect my child? You know, I might not be the sharpest tool in the tool shed, but I cannot for the life of me come up with a single way lesbian and homosexual couples getting married will affect my marriage. After all, if it's an institution doesn't marriage then fall under the 14th amendment and particularly the Equal Protection Clause that says, "the states could not, among other things, deprive people of the equal protection of the laws."

Now for another argument I've been subjected to regarding Marriage Rights, is that marriage is a Christian union in the eyes of G_d. That's sweet, but I have to break it to you, long before Christianity there were union passages such as hand-fastings etc... So again, the modern concept might be claimed by one or another, the simple fact is that people have been coming together in union for thousands of years. I also ask of this notion, if it's a Christian union, then is the marriage between atheists not a real marriage?

So I like to talk about sex, but when the government or spiritual conglomerate begin to tell me who, when and how I tend to get a little "tinkled" off. It's my parts, and as long as the person I'm backin' it up on is of majority age and a willing partner there should be no laws regarding my union. What's next? Will we say married couples who engage in BDSM are committing an unnatural sex act and therefore their marriage is null and void? As for the sanctity of marriage, puhleese, the sanctity of marriage went away with $499.99 + filing fee divorce attorneys, it died when it became easier to get a divorce than it was to get married!

Maybe we need to work on creating happy, satisfying, safe marriages for ALL couples, rather than worrying about where people put their private parts within their marriage.

Anyhoo, my only opinion is that if you are lucky enough to find love, to find that person you want to spend your life with CONGRATS and go for it! It's not my business what you do with your private parts, nor your tax write-offs based on your sexuality.

It's my desire to make sure you have fun, stay safe and as always...

Stay Curvy!!

XOXO

Sex Talk with Curvy

Sex Talk with Curvy 10/06 by Sex Talk with Curvy | Blog Talk Radio.

OK so my VERY FIRST TIME doing Sex Talk with Curvy. :D I was super excited and almost pee'd my panties. It turns out that I love planning and get super bouncy and more than a little breathy when it comes down to it. (hehe) I think I need voice lessons so I don't sound like a kid. :( But I didn't squeak, so that it good.

My producer actually gave me "the look", you know that look you give to a kid who is talking too much. I got it. I'm still super excited to have guests on our next show! Hopefully one of my favorite WordPress bloggers and erotic poets will be able to make it in and grace us with his poetry and some inkling into the mind of a poet!

We are working on some other guests, I'd love to do a show on body image and how it affects our sex lives. We are also working on getting a rep from a sex toy manufacturer! (I so want to know who comes up with some of these things! I still can't look at a rabbit, as in bunny, without giggling) I'd love love love to have some of my blogger buddies on the show too, cause we are awesome!

I have a doctor and pharmacist coming on to discuss sexual issues, effect of medication on intimacy and sex, and when it's no just a "little thing" and you need to see a doctor!

I'd love to hear your ideas on topics as well! If you have a topic or issue you'd like to hear discussed please let me know!

How exciting it is to try something new, it might not have been a sexual act, but it sure as Hell was exciting and fun! And I got to talk about sex! So whoot me!

Our next episode is set to run on the 20th! So come join us for some sexy fun!

Desperately Seeking...

turned actively participating.

I'm afraid that many of us have been taught complacency in sex. There are many themes out there, be a lady in the street and a freak in the sheets, love yourself etc... and it's all very "red book". But yet we still, on the next page, talk of how our lovers have to get us ready with tonnes of foreplay, romance, intimacy etc...

YES, yes and yes these are all true but at what point are we, women, responsible for our own O? I juggle the lady in the street, freak in the sheet right along with business woman, mother, wife, household manager, pool girl, hot tub tester, sex toy collector, beauty lover, PMS having, insecure, moody asshole as well as a host of other things. My mother told me I'd have to master many things to achieve a modicum of success but she never told me to master my own orgasm!

Yes, I like foreplay (very much) Yes, I like intimacy (even more) and Yes, (yes oh yes) I like my orgasms. But I do not rely on anyone to "give me" one. In my hectic world "gimme" got replaced with "if you want it you better get it" or to quote the cable guy "geterdun".

I've heard women complain, "I want more foreplay", "I need more intimacy", "There's no romance" etc... and yes these are valid. So my answer is simple: If you want it, make it happen. Our partners, whether they be of the opposite sex, same-sex or even group sex don't intuitively know what we want or need to achieve our "O". We do, each individual is unique in what we need for sexual satisfaction. What one person may have been "taught" is great love-making might be a complete turn off for their next partner. It might even be an "up and run" moment, that is Pull your panties Up and Run!

So if you want more foreplay, make it happen. If you need more intimacy, be more intimate and if you are lacking in romance create some. Seriously, going on a beautiful tropical island sounds intimate, romantic, sexy and hot. It may well be that it is hot, as in the 90's with a humidity of 99% but if you don't bring sexy to that island you won't find it there, it's a f'ing island. Being a sexually empowered woman is not a bad thing, we are not living in that constraining era where you thought of the queen on your wedding night because there was nothing in it for you. It doesn't matter how you like sex, whether it be vanilla, or some funky monkey sex. (Who has the ice cream?) If you want a little spank n tickle get your best "teachers pet" outfit on and greet your honey at the door. Don't wait for them to "give" you your joy, you might be waiting a long time.

I spent years thinking that the guy who could "gimme" an orgasm was the best suit for me in my own purple room of pleasure. Those are years completely wasted, the Cosmo articles that said the best boyfriend is the one who "makes you happy", "makes you secure", "Gives you the O" now line my parrot's cage. No man, woman, human, toy or internet connection can "GIVE" you these things, or "MAKE" you have these feelings.

During these years I had heard that the French were super romantic and sensual as part of their culture. (I love me some French even fries!) Anyhoo, when I met my husband I was with a girlie friend of mine and he came in and spoke and I was had. I mean had, owned, possessed. Of course it would have been nice had he even noticed me at that time. After he left I looked at my girl friend and said "Did you see him?" "Did you hear him talk?" after she said "Yes" to both questions I wrapped up the conversation with "I want one." Little did I know that my pre-conceived notions about the sexual prowess of the French were more than a little skewed. I expected, (once he finally noticed me), romance, chocolate and rich food with hours of passion and sensuality. These notions took up quite a bit of my masturbatory time, and a whole lot of my fantasies.

My husband is an excellent lover, but initially, I wasn't sure we would be compatible. He's not the French romantic I'd heard about, though he does work to accommodate my ideas of being romanced. Intimacy, he was about as intimate as a porcupine. The sex was great after the 10th or 12th time. Don't get me wrong, it was good prior to that, I got my O's given to me. As our relationship progressed I realized that he was doing all the relationship work. I was making the demands for him to be the "French guy" I had materialized in my head, yet at that time he was just the body and accent of that fictional character.

It was then I lost my "O". Seriously lost it, gone, vanished, nothing could do it for me. Realizing I was being relationship selfish stole my O!!!! I had gone through a period of not wanting to be touched, looked at, spoken to, or even acknowledged. I just wanted to be an observer of life not an active participant. I became that cold, rigid roommate wife. Kissing, puhleeese. Intimacy, became try it if you dare. My mother, bless her soul, sat me down in her "little" way and told me to "stop being a selfish bitch". (I know RIGHT!!!! My mother was about 4'9" 100lbs of demure, blushing at the mention of "s.e.x.", no cursing because it's not lady like, June Clever type) So for her to use that language with me was the shock I needed to get my ass in order. Now while she didn't tell me to find my own O, she did tell me that no person will ever live up to some "Pie in the clouds ideal" of a perfect lover. She said that no lover is perfect in all their aspects and that if I wanted, really wanted love I had to actively participate.

In my search for my O, I substituted the word orgasm for love in her final statement on the subject. (the love was always there, it was the O that went to prison) Guess what, I FOUND MY O AGAIN!!!!! It wasn't hiding in his pocket, under the sofa or in some fancy schmancy restaurant with over priced snails. It was asleep within me, covered in dust bunnies and more than a little pissed off at being neglected for so long.

My views on intimacy changed so much, I no longer sought out my happiness in someone else. Or placed these ridiculous guidelines on how to be "my kind" of romantic. Gone were the days of you have to get me hot to get the girl parts. I learned to get myself hot. I learned to find romance where ever we were together. I learned to seek out intimacy in every day activities we did together.

Cosmo has gone a long way in the female sexual repertoire, it has helped us in so many ways to express our sexuality. It has given us a voice whereas years ago we didn't have one. At the same time it has made some of us, or at least me, co-dependent on someone else giving us our happiness, our intimacy, our romance and yes, even our orgasms. Its made us aware that we can voice our needs, but also at the same time made us a little whiny (for lack of a better word), more demanding and less self-sufficient in the sex department. I know that is going to piss off some of my sisters, but it's really not intended to. I want for all my sexy sisters to be empowered in their own sexuality. Complaining that you don't get enough foreplay, isn't empowerment, it's complaining.

It's not just our partners jobs to get us going, we need to take some responsibility in this area and do for ourselves. Sometimes just planning a sexy night is enough to get me warmed up, and spending a few moments plotting how to answer the door (lingerie or high heels and a smile) is super sexy. Being out in the woods with my honey became sexy for me, because he enjoyed it so much.

So ladies, lets stop desperately seeking someone to fulfill us sexually and actively participate in getting ourselves warmed up and hot. Thinking about what we want to do to our lovers or them do to us for just a few minutes each day goes a long way in getting us ready for sex. We cannot continue to be dependent on others to find our happiness or sexuality. I don't need any person to tell me I'm beautiful all I have to do is look in the mirror and see something about myself that I can consider beautiful. I don't need someone to tell me I'm sexy to know that I can be, at any time, as sexy as I wanna be. :D

Girlie friends, get yourself some sexy panties spend a couple more moments as you lotion your legs and body. Invest in your own sexuality and I guarantee you, sexual fulfillment will be at your finger tips. (literally) Enjoy yourselves, pleasure yourselves find what really turns you on and spend a minute or two each day thinking about it. Sex is natural, it can be mind numbingly awesome but you must have the mindset for it, no partner can give you that mindset, you have to create it within yourselves. Talking about sex with your lover is super hot. Make it a game that plays out for a week, Monday, Wednesday, Friday you and your lover exchange sexual favor notes. That is how you spice it up and how you become empowered in your own sexuality.

Now guys, gents & lovers, this isn't your lazy pass either. I guarantee once you find your sexy lover all empowered and turned on because they have been thinking about you, you are in for a treat. But don't slack off either, you have to initiate intimacy, romance and sex as well. You have to put yourself out there to your partner in order for them to put themselves out there for you. Great sex is a partnership. A mutually beneficial, erotic, sexy, hot, exhilarating partnership.

So guys and dolls, get sexy find your erotic side, dust it off and empower yourself sexually. Get busy, do it now and as always...

Stay Curvy!

XOXO

Get hands on

to get the goodies.

Listen guys and dolls, if you want this... or maybe this...

You have to give us something to work with. I know I know I know, you're tired of hearing how we women have to be romanced and worked over sexually in order to be aroused and ready for sex. Yadda yadda yadda. I'm a woman and frankly I'm tired of hearing about it. Personally I believe that we, as women need to be responsible for our own orgasms.

OK so you get it, women need and deserve foreplay in order to get really turned on. Yet in the same breath, men also need and deserve foreplay as well. Since the only tugging that needs to be going on in the bedroom are the tugging of belt straps and bed sheets lets wrap this little contest up.

Men AND Women both respectively need to be gotten hot before gotten off. It's the bond, and I can't think of anything hotter than a sensual massage. So let's get ready to get slippery, grab your Kama Sutra massage kit , a set of nice towels, put on some sexy relaxing music for a massage, I love love love Enigma. In point of fact I love them for anything sexy. Get your copy of Erotic Massage - A Touch of Love cuddle up with it, breeze through it and decide who's doing who tonight!

Adding sensual massage into your foreplay is erotic, sexy, relaxing and fun. It does take some time and practice to get it just right because again we are all different. So lets explore some massage tidbits to get you started. Before a massage, how bout you and your love take a nice relaxing bath together. Since you're gonna be naked and this will be a full body a little scrub-a-dub will make you and your love more comfortable.

Have your partner lay on their back and settle in behind them running your hands over their scalp and head. This is a light massage, and the scalp has many sensitive areas so small circular motions are key to a sexy scalp massage. Starting at the head is a great way to get him or her relaxed and a prelude of whats to follow. When you are able to make your lover tremble at you touch, you know you are getting it right. ;) Don't stop there. Once your lover is nice and relaxed have them turn onto their stomachs and work your way down to their feet.

Get our your yummy massage oil, warm it up in your hands and begin at the neck using your thumbs, in small circles work the area of the neck around the spine and use your fingers to work the sides of the neck. Work you way down to shoulder and run your hands down his or her back all the way to their butt and work your way back up along their sides. On your final "run up" begin your work on their arms again using varying pressure going from the shoulder all the way down to his or her finger tips. Pay some special attention to the wrist and palm of the hand. Use your thumbs in small circular motions around the palm and wrist of your lover. If you want to take it a step further, sweet (tasty) kisses on the wrist, hand and finger tips is a really sexy trick that will get your lover all kinds of hot. While your lover is on his or her stomach, you can use your nude body to rub against theirs as well as your hands. This is after all a sensual massage and you'd better get at least down to the undie-duds to do this.

When you have finished with their arms and have made your way to their back again, make several initial passes again over their back and on your final descension, slid your slippery palms over their rears (just as a teaser) and start with long stroked down their legs all the way to their feet. Kneading the back of the thigh and calf as you descend travel to their feet. Use gentle circular motions on the back of the knee. You'll want to make your descension and ascension in sets of three. One down and up on the back of the leg, one down and up on the outer leg, one down and up on the inner leg. Spend some time working in small circular motions around the ankle. Once you are finished with the back of the leg have your lover roll onto their back.

Now you will spend a couple of moments focusing on their feet. (Aren't you glad I had you take a bath now?) Again, use your palms to warm up some of that massage oil and use your thumbs to work from the ankle and heel to the top of the toes. Use a gentle pressure on the feet as those of us who are ticklish might end up kicking or tensing up. Massage both the top and bottom of the feet. In reflexology the foot has several sexual points. I found this handy-dandy downloadable pdf on the Taoist approach to sexual reflexology here it is, http://geofftop.com/Files/DL-B19%20Sexual%20Reflexology.pdf. ( I virus scanned it prior to downloading it, but I suggest you do the same! ) So, back to the hot steamy massage. As you are working the foot, use again small circles on the top part of the foot at the crease or bend of the foot to stimulate the groin area in your partner. This area extends from the spine of the foot across the top (at the bend) to the inner ankle.

When you are finished with your lovers feet, massage the leg (again in sets of three) front, outer and inner. Use a deeper pressure when following the blood flow and light pressure when massaging against the flow of blood. There are five basic strokes to incorporate during your massage. Friction, Tapping, Kneading, Stroking and Vibrating. (Already sounds fun) As you wrap up the royal leg treatment, you will focus on the abdomen, chest and frontal neck. Before kneading tummies, you might want to ask. This can be a source of insecurities for some.

Now depending on where and how you are giving this sexy massage your position will need to change throughout the massage. Since I don't have a massage table, I massage my sweetie in the bed so here is where I scamper on up and sit on him pinning his legs or stand off to the side. Anyhoo, as you are kneading and stroking (I really just wanted to say stroking again) your way around the abs and chest area don't forget the nipples. For the love of all that is HOT, Don't FORGET THE NIPS!!!!!

Again you will work the arms, similar to the first round while your lover was on his or her back. Use deeper pressure as you massage down toward the fingers and lighter pressure from the finger tips to the shoulder. For the frontal neck, you will cradle your lovers neck between your two hands and use very light strokes with the thumb up and down the neck. Light pressure being the key here. You will wrap up your sensual massage with light, delicate strokes along the chin line, cheek bones, eye brows, temple and forehead of your lover.

One of the fun things about a sensual massage is that feeling of anticipation you create in your lover. By the time you finish your massage both you and your lover will be ready to seal the deal, so to speak. In this type of massage, the obvious erogenous zones are lightly brushed over and can be focused on after you finish with the rest of the body if you choose. A sensual massage is a great tool for creating intimacy even without sex. It can be a gesture of love and appreciation as well as a way to help that stressed out lover relax after a hard day.

As you do your massage, use your body in the same rhythm as your strokes to ensure that you are getting good muscle penetration. With massage there are as many schools of thought out there are individual masseuse practitioners. Some will combine various techniques. If you are new at massage, it's best if you grab a book or dvd to get further versed in the art of sensual massage. This blog is by no means a "how to" I simply mean to supply you with some ideas to further your sexual experimentation and bonding with your partner. By getting some media instruction, you and your lover can watch or read it together to further the anticipation.

Sensual massage is sexy, any way you look at it. So stop messing around on the internet, grab a shower or bath with your lover, some oil and a candle to set the mood, get to massaging each other and as always...

Stay Curvy!!!!

XOXO

Chilly camp nights...

and steamy sex.

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I love contrasts. Hot to cold, hard to soft etc... This is one of the many reasons I love this upcoming season. The days can still be warm and the nights outside chilly. Perfect camping weather, perfect forest sex season. It's a time to get in touch with nature and each other. If you're like me and get a little spastic when away from your laptop for more than 24 hours or check your iphone every 7.3445 minutes to see if by some miracle you have service, camping can be a challenge. Camp sex however makes up for all the electronicle (yes it's a made up word) withdrawals I seem to suffer.

Camping can mean a lot of things to a lot of people so for the sake of inclusion lets say camping is anything that is in the wilderness outside your home. This can include a cabin in the woods, a lakeside resort, a 5th wheel pull behind or a rucksack and a tent. Either way you go, this is the season for stepping out into nature. One of the best things I find during my fall camp trips is that "back to nature" feeling you get when you spend the day with your love exploring the forests, the lakes and hiking the trails. The exertion is exhilarating, the air is clean and there is something sexy in nature and all she has to offer.

So often we are asking for our men or partners to be more expressive of their sexual needs, their feelings etc... Lets face it, most men aren't generally big talkers on feelings or intimacy. It's sometimes up to us ladies to ensure that we are meeting their expressive needs in providing them with that "manly man" adventure. While not every man enjoys camping or the wild places those that do can appreciate sex in the wild. We, as women can't always expect them to meet our needs for being romanced if we are unwilling to meet their needs for romance within a setting that they enjoy. Most times we are on different planets when it comes to what is or isn't romantic. So finding some commonality in this arena can be challenging.

My idea of romance is a flatteringly lit room, wine, the smell of fresh flowers and a sumptuous dessert. My honeys idea of romantic is a secluded area, free from distractions, a nice steak dinner in a place where he can be comfortable and relax. So in order to meet our unique needs and ideals of romance a little cabin by the creek is perfect. Here we can combine warm days and hiking through the woods working up an appetite in clean air. Then tromp back to the cabin to light the fireplace, put on some jazz and prepare our dinner together without distraction. We can enjoy a glass of wine and our meal before retiring to the pillows in front of the fireplace to enjoy our dessert and each other.

This can be accomplished around a camp fire as well, the ambiance created by nature herself is awe inspiring. The point of this particular blog is to get you thinking about and perhaps taking a camping trip with just you and your honey. Getting outside and into a natural setting can bring out the primal (and sexual) human in us all. Intimacy without distraction from our daily lives, intimacy in a setting that is conductive of communication and in a natural, calming environment.

There is always talk of "date night" and I'm a big believer that we must set aside time in our lives to be together with our partners. This time is our "bonding" time, a time for us to be intimate and just be together. Every day we should take just a couple minutes to be intimate, kiss, talk, snuggle, cuddle etc... It's that intimate bond that creates a spectacular sex life and keeps us interested in each others lives. So perhaps, one date night this fall you and your lover can sneak away to some secluded place and enjoy the wild environment, bonding and some steamy camp sex.

Anyway you choose to go, spend just a couple moments each day being intimate with your partner, at least one date night a month and as always...

Stay Curvy

XOXO

Exploring Tantra

If you're like most of us, you've heard about Tantra and Tantric Sex. And again like most of us, you might have initially discarded it thinking it's some weird sex cult or some new age thing. After spending a considerable amount of time studying and completely enjoying the tantric experimentations I've found that Tantra is neither of these things.

While it would take a book to explain Tantra, or several books in point of fact this is a blog and I hope after reading this it will intrigue you enough to check out some Tantric practices. Again, this isn't meant to be a Tantric lesson, but I do hope it sparks enough curiosity to get you and your lover to check out some Tantric techniques. Like most people I like my sex to vary, sometimes I want it rough and tumble, other times a "quickie" is all I want, then there are those times when I want to be romanced and worshiped as a woman. There are days when I want to be explored and others when exploration is off limits, especially if I'm feeling fat or unattractive.

So guys, my best advise for you is to mix it up and exploring Tantra is a great way to explore yourselves and your partner sexually. I don't mean each and every time or that you need to explore your sensual side every sex session. At times, I and most of the women I've spoken to, just want a man to be a man all rough, gruff and smelling like a "manly man".

Ladies, we need to pay a little attention to our man and his sensuality as well. I've had the conversations "You're too aggressive" and I've had the conversations "You're too passive, I want you to initiate." So if you choose, take his hand and lead him down a Tantric path so you both can explore each others innate traits, and possibly expand on the more subtle ones.

Tantra is not some new age sex cult. It's recently come to light in our western cultures, mainly thanks to the Wonderful WWW. :D (Who'da thought it would provide us more than just porn to look at) In fact Tantra came into being about 5,000 years ago. Tantra is a spiritual path that is designed to create the harmonious union between the male and female in all of us.

In Tantra, the Yin (feminine) and Yang (masculine) represent all the contrasts in life. Strength and weakness, assertive and submissive, black and white. For each of these contrasts, one cannot survive without another. Each individual has a mixture of these traits and can have both masculine and feminine traits regardless of their sex.

Some of the traits are as follows:

Yin (Feminine)
Passive
Loving
Nurturing
Sensitive
Personalizes
Sensual
Receptive

Yang (Masculine)
Active
Strong
Controlling
Confident
Objectified
Sexual
Protective

Now of course, these traits are not necessarily exclusive. For instance, personally, I have the Yang traits of being controlling, protective and sexual more so than the Yin traits of being passive or receptive. So as you are contemplating these specific traits, know that regardless of your sex, you might find a mixture of these.

In Tantra the goal is to have each partner explore these aspects of themselves, each other and combine them with harmony during love making. In order to have a fulfilling Tantric experience the male and female forces must be harmonious.

There are certain sexual situations where it can be difficult to determine our individual roles. This is where that communication I'm always talking about comes in. The simple fact is, if we find ourselves doing the same thing over and over it can get boring. However once we begin to communicate, explore ourselves and our sexual traits we provide ourselves an outstanding opportunity to find our comfort levels with the various Tantric traits.

Now, in discussing the traits again, we can have a little of both in one package. Meaning we as women can have some masculine traits and men can find themselves having some of the Yin traits as well. The key in combining these traits into successful lovemaking is ensuring a balance between the partners. For example, if I am controlling my partner would need to be submissive. If my partner is sexual I need to compliment his sexuality with my own sensuality.

While good lovemaking doesn't have to take preparation, excellent Tantric lovemaking does take some preparation. Again, set the ambiance for love and incorporate all five senses. Taste, Sound, Smell, Touch, Vision. This doesn't have to be extremely difficult. Some fun Tantra geared tools are the Tantra Feather Teaser and the Dreamsicle gift bag. Grab your copy of The Modern Tantra DVD and get to exploring the Tantric sexual path.

Each of these tools can be incorporated into your Tantric love making sessions. Again, you want to compliment each other, so if your lover is strong and tough you'll want to soften that strong tough exterior up with a little feathery tickle and your sexy soft side.

One of the most exhillarating experiences I've had was experimenting with Tantric traits. I learned about myself as well as my lover. I found different aspects of myself that I enjoyed exploring and experimenting with.

If nothing else, grab yourself some internet time spend just a few moments to explore the art of Tantric sex and expand your sexual experimentation and as always...

Stay Curvy


XOXO

Know your zones...

Erogenous zones that is.

Consider these your foreplay "Work Zones" and go slow through these. This goes for guys and gals as well. There is always talk of how you guys have to get us going to get the goodies, and I'm so not complaining. But the fact remains that foreplay and exploration of the erogenous zones on men increases the level of intimacy between the couple. So ladies, be a giver and explore your mans erogenous zones. :D

The fun thing about erogenous zones is that each person will react differently to stimulation of specific areas, some may hate having the ears gently sucked and kissed while others will get so turned on they go nuclear! So during your next foreplay session, explore, stimulate and ask. It's a whole lot different to ask "Hey baby, you like that?" as opposed to "Am I the best lover you've ever had?" (Don't ask that, we don't like it)

There are some general erogenous zones, they include the scalp, eye lids and brows, ears, mouth and lips, neck, hands, breasts, pubic area and the feet. Stimulate these gently either through gentle touch, kissing, licking or sucking. (Again, please don't lick our eyes because ewwww) But gentle kisses are awesome in the eye area.

There are also some not so generalized erogenous zones, these too need to be explored during foreplay. Again, with gentle caresses and kisses. Ladies explore his erogenous zones! We need to treat our men in the same manner we wish to be treated, we need to take a moment and work on getting him turned on and made to feel sexy. The main untouched upon erogenous zones for him is the mind.

The best way to stimulate his mind is to engage it during your foreplay session. Talk to him, ask him what he wants and fantasizes about. Have him tell you what he wants you to do, or what he wants to do to you. Most men (from those I've spoken to) are extremely visual lovers, for us girlies out there who have body image issues this is a tricky realm to navigate. I suggest to engage his mind, cover his eyes. :) Yup, you got it, I'm not talking full bondage, whips and chains. I mean just cover his eyes with your panties, a blindfold something sexy that is going to make him think since he can't look. In doing this it does add a bit of mystique to you and the bedroom, it lets you get a little naughty without being self-conscious.

Once you've engaged the mind, explore the other zones. Use varying touch and again ask which is the most enjoyable. Since he can't see what you are doing, surprise him with some experimental textures. A feather, a piece of ice in your mouth as you kiss his erogenous zones, massage wax to heat it up a little. Get creative with texture, we know what it's like to wear lacy, satiny, silky stuff and how it feels on our bodies so use these textures to stimulate his erogenous zones as well. Use the air from your mouth to warm his erogenous zones, then ice it down and start all over creating a warm then cold sensation for him.

I know some men get turned on when the wind blows just right, but make no mistake we women can too. So guys and gents, pay attention to your lady, use the techniques mentioned above to engage her mind and her erogenous zones as well. One of the sexiest things I've ever experienced, that caused such anticipation was being asked. I know it might sound silly, but as you are getting ready for your carnal explorations, ask your lover "Can I kiss (or touch) you there (insert body part)" use anticipation to your advantage. Ask then wait and explore another part you have permission to do so. The anticipation this creates is extremely erotic and dual purpose in that if a person is uncomfortable being touched in certain areas you will know to avoid this area. Knowing the touch and no touch zones is equally as important in knowing the erogenous zones themselves.

For the men some additional erogenous zones for their partners to explore are:

Back of the Knee
Lower abs
Inner thighs
Nape of neck
Perineum (the space between the scrotum and anus)
Lower back
Buttocks
Feet
Mouth and lips
Nipples (Edit - Thank you poster!)

Ladies have similar erogenous zones for their partners to explore and they are:

Back of the knee
The wrists
Buttocks
Breasts and nipples
Mouth and lips
The Mons (the pubic bone area)
Feet
Inner thighs
Nape of neck
Lower back

Taking just a few moments from your love-making time to explore your lover has a multitude of benefits for both partners. It's a turn on, it's an exploratory moment, it creates a higher level of intimacy and it creates the anticipation of what's to come. So take a couple of moments, explore the "go zones", learn the "no zones" and explore your lover.

Get out the ice, champagne, silk sashes and massage candles! Explore your lover, let them explore you and revel in the anticipation and as always...


Stay Curvy!!!

XOXO