Remember when I said...

that is was important to shake things up in 2013


I suggested that ladies learn some sexy moves?  Sadie is the most viewed Belly Dancer on youtube. If you can't see why, then I'm so done talking to you.  :D

Now, I've had a love affair with belly dancing for as long as I can remember.  Watch this video and get inspired.  Really, the benefits of belly dancing are tremendous.  I mean in addition to the fabulous, awesomely sexy costumes.  Ok fine , that's the first benefit, but the others are just as important.

So here are my top tens for starting a belly dance class or video program.

1)  Awesome costumes.  No really these are freaking fantabulous!


See, told ya fantabulous costumes, IJS


2)  Cardio.  I know doc, that should have been first but did you see the costume?  Duh, priorities.  Anyhoo, Cardio YES Yes Yes.  Belly dance is a fabulous form of cardio exercise.  Happy ♥!

3)  Improved posture.  The moves of Belly Dance rely on a strong core, and spine.  Proper posture in performing the dance is imperitave and far reaching in that the moves transfer into our every day life and posture.

4)  Increased blood circulation. Yes all those shimmies, shakes and pops will get that blood flowing in all the right places.

5)  Improved muscle tone.  Undulating hips, hip drops and arm stances will improve your core muscles as well as your lower and upper body.

6)  Weight loss.  Cardio + Movement + Muscle memory = Weight Loss  Simple math, and sexy fun.

7)  Stress reduction.  Dancing, exercise, cardio all go a long way to reduce stress.  Belly Dance can also increase our self-esteem & sex drive thus reducing our stress levels further.

8)  No - Low Impact exercise.  Traditional Raqs sharqi is considered by medical professionals as no to low impact while more rural or tribal types of belly dance like Beledi may be low impact due to the step force of the dancer.

9)  Arm strengthening without bulk.  Holy batwings sisters, Belly Dance tones up the arms in a way like nothing outside of it and without bulking up.

10)Aid in digestion.  All those belly undulations help with digestion.  It's true, google it!  Not to mention that the core strengthening while assisting in digestion it also helps to improve and ease childbirth and works the pelvic muscles!

Oh and did I mention it's super sexy.  The muscle memory of belly dance relays directly to the bedroom and the moves, those undulations, hip drops and thrusts are oh so fun to employ in both the tease and the please stages of sex and intimacy.

There are about 697,495.3 dvds out there dedicated to belly dance, each one with its own merits.  Also most urban areas will have a zumba class and if you can find that, you can find a belly dance class as well.  There are a tonne of resources online just for sexy belly dancers out there.

I've been belly dancing for years, for sexy fun and stress relief.  One of the things that I love about belly dance (aside from super sexy) is that it's not size restrictive.  I have seen some gorgeous curvy chickas shake and shimmy right along with their skinny sisters.

So get active, stay safe, start those shimmies and as always...


Stay Curvy...

Power Exchange in BDSM

Hi there kinksters!  I hope you all survived the holiday season relatively unmarred. Or at least have some great stories as to where you got the new scars!

2013 is so far starting out pretty well for us as we had our first KinkEnd show on Friday, check it out here! KinkEnd is a weekly show where Curvy and myself talk about different aspects of kink culture and BDSM.  Last week's show was an introduction to Power Exchange.

Power exchange is one of those terms that if heard out of context can mean so many different things to so many different people but in terms of kink culture it is used to describe a relationship where one person holds a majority of the power.  A good easy example is the D/s, or dominant/submissive, relationship where the Dominant partner has more power than the submissive does through mutual agreement.

There are any number of different types of power exchange relationships.  There are no set rules or standards that need to be fulfilled to qualify.  Some relationships are based on one person having virtually all of the power over the other(s) as would be seen in a Master/Mistress and slave relationship.  Other relationships are more situational confining the exchange to only certain times or places such as a D/s couple that only takes place in the bedroom.

It may not be for everyone, but it's something that many people find to be sexy and worth trying out.

To learn more about Power Exchange relationships give the show a listen.  We hope you enjoy it!

If you have any questions about Power Exchange let me know in the comment section below.

KinkEnd's next show is an Introduction to Sensation and Pain play.  And I have to say, as a sadist I'm rather looking forward to this one! :D

If you have questions about BDSM, kink culture, alternative sexuality, sadism or something specific for me please feel free to send them to: darr_syn@curvysaftermidnight.comdarr_syn@curvysaftermidnight.com and I'll do our best to answer them.  You can also send them to my new twitter account @darr_syn at your leisure. Also be sure to check out our sister blog over on wordpress curviesmuses.com

Those of you that are interested in reading some of my older essays and writings you can head on over to reddit.com and see a listing on them here.

Until next time, kinksters, be safe and have fun!

DS

2013 Style Sex

No really everyone is going to do it differently in 2013.  Why? Because everyone wants to do it better!!!!  So here's my top ten on better sex in 2013.  Its not to late to add in a little sexy resolution.  I won't tell if you don't tell!

Sexy Journal Naked!!!

Yes, yes yes.  Keep a sexy journal in 2013 and do it naked!  Write down all those naughty thoughts that make you blush or that you are too afraid to speak.  Explore yourself, explore your sexuality and do it all in the buff, naked, nakie, in the bared cookie, nude.  I'll bet within 3 months you're having more sex, in 4 months better sex and in 6 months thinking of journaling professionally online with all your naughty thoughts.

So here we go with ten starters for you...

1) Get your kinky on.  I don't care what it is, as long as it's legal, explore it!!!  Listen if you want to have crazy monkey sex in a hot tub full of pistachio pudding with the Las Vegas version of Elvis wearing a tutu and singing Blue Suede shoes, then go for it!  Why?  Because who gives a shit, there is someone else out there that wants exactly the same thing or a complimentary thing as you do.  Your Elvis is out there, so is the chef who wants to make that pistachio pudding, and a housekeeper who can't wait to get their hands into that hot tub and might want to join you and Elvis in it and the Karaoke Bar Owner who gets a woody every time they hear Blue Suede Shoes.

2) Get your voice and be prepared to be heard.  Speak people.  Put down the blackberry, look into your lovers face and speak!  Don't you even think of talking about the weather or work, speak about sex.  Ask, Listen, Learn/Understand and Respond.  These are the basics of a conversation.  For some reason we ask what someone wants or needs and the conversation ends there.  No, this is not hearing or being heard.  Ask what turns your lover on, Listen to their response, Understand exactly what they desire and Respond in turn.

3) Get outside the box.  As in outside the bedroom, or outside the house.  Maybe even outside the yard!  Explore your surroundings as you explore your sexual desires.  Sex can happen in so many places and intimacy or foreplay can happen in even more places.  On your next dinner out, casually mention to your lover that you've been using your Luna Beads and they happen to be inside you right now.  That will give him or her something to think about throughout dinner.  If you can bend over in a skirt you can have sex.    I know, it's awful and cheeky of me to suggest getting it on in the elevator.

4) Get off your back.  Explore some sexy positions, what a great reason to start a yoga class and talk about dual purpose!  Seriously.  Take a look at your sofa, or coffee table and imagine all the positions that could be done on those awesome little pieces of furniture.  Find yourself fantasizing about all the different ways your household furniture can bring you and your lover closer together, in more ways than one.

5) Get sex off the calendar.  Be spontaneous.  Be adventurous and stop with the old Thursday romp whether you want it or not.  Seriously, if you want to spice up your sex life the quickest way to do it is to stop with the routine.

6) Get to the fun stuff.  Do you bore yourself to sleep?  Are you as entertaining or engaging as a box of rocks?  Are you as serious as a heart attack?  You do know that taking yourself too seriously means you are missing out on a lot of laughs and some opportunities for intimacy with your lover.  If you find yourself always focused on some "major" thing you cut yourself off from the life (and sex) that is and could be happening right in front of you.  So lighten up, your problems will be there until you deal with them, but your loved ones cannot be neglected.

7) Get assertive.  Assertiveness is a fabulous thing.  It means you can say no to those things that and obligations that tend to creep in on your intimate time.  Assertiveness in the bedroom and regarding all things sexy is a sign of confidence and is super sexy.  So learn to say no and mean it and learn to go for what you want.  Of course as long as it's with a willing & consenting partner.

8) Get intimate.  Spend a few moments each day being intimate with your lover, or with yourself.  Why not?  What is it really going to hurt to go the long eye gaze, or that self exploratory slide or rub in the bubble bath?  Intimacy starts with communication and honesty so once these two things are in line, intimacy becomes quite second nature.  Happy couples all over the world will tell you that their sex lives correlate with their level of intimacy.  Intimacy comes in many forms, talking, touching, cuddling, kissing etc...  so stop worrying about why you're sex life is lagging and start to pay attention to intimacy.

9) Get involved.  I used to live the term separate but together, then I divorced it.  Separate but together is a misnomer and a fallacy.  Oil and Water can be separate but together in the same glass, and we have the same reaction, they just don't mix well.  You cannot expect a healthy, happy relationship if your are in a relationship and one is oil while one is water, it just doesn't mix.  So if your relationship is worth keeping, then it's worth getting involved in your partners interests, life and extra curricular activities.

10)  Get active.  I know some of you out there reading this made a resolution to either "get healthy" or "lose weight".  Don't deny it, I made it too.  But this year, I plan on doing something a little differently.  I've decided to find activities that are sexy.  What better reason to get up and go to exercise class if you know that it's going to make you feel sexy and perform better sexually?  So my top 3 activities for the ladies in 2013 are:

     a.  Belly Dance
     b.  Yoga
     c.  Pole Dancing

and for the guys are

     a.  Yoga
     b.  Stroke Skills - Seriously need to check this out.
     c.  Salsa lessons

So guys and dolls, don't let 2013 get away from you.  Get your sexy on, stay safe and as always...


Stay Curvy!
XOXO

As if it weren't enough...

in January we are expanding our podcasts on blog talk radio! (hey I'm payin for it might as well use it!)

So our line up is as follows:

Romantic Wednesday: All you authors out there come chat with me about your work, published and upcoming books, ebooks, erotica, erotic poetry etc... Every Wednesday we'll be talking about some sexy read.

Sex Toy Thursday: We are working on gathering the most innovative, sexy, fun & functional sex toy manufacturers to talk about their toys. On the market or soon to be released. ( I ♥ sex toyzzzzzz )

It's the KinkEnd Fridays: Because a KinkEnd is so much more fun than a regular weekend. On Fridays we will be talking all things kinky! We are going to dig deep into topics such as Power Play, Pain Play, Bondage and Role Play as well as other forms of kink and how to get your kinky on.

Sex Talk Saturday: In January we are going to tackle some pretty hard-hitting topics like Sex after Sexual Trauma: Getting your sexy back! We'll be having on Montique of Zinity Fitness and talk about their performance enhancing exercise routine! We are also working on getting on live a Doctor to discuss some signs of sexual dysfunction, a Pharmacist to discuss sexual side-effects of some common pharmaceutical treatments and possibly, just maybe a super awesome holistic health practitioner to go over some alternative methods to deal with sexual issues.

Gonna be a busy year 2013, assuming I survive the zombies (IJS hehe)

I have something special for my lovelies

Just in time for the holidays!

Elene Sallinger has written one of the sexiest erotic novels I've ever read.

Elene Sallinger is a lover of all things lingual, a warrior of words, and a vixen of vocabulary. Her goal is to titillate, provoke, empower and move you with her work which ranges from the erotic to the dramatic and everything in between.

Elene is also the author of At Long Last available on Smashwords, and the upcoming full-length, erotic novel Doing DC from UStar Novels.

You got it, Elene Sallinger is joining us on Sex Talk with Curvy on the 22nd of December. Be sure to tune in.

I mentioned in an earlier post starting to read Awakening, I finished it in one setting, thanks to my Kindle I read in bed next to the honey. It was terribly difficult to let the man sleep through my randy read. I was mighty tempted to wake him up a couple times and say "Read, Do .... NOW" ;) (ya'll know what I'm talkin' about)

But I don't want to give too much away here, because we are gonna get to talk to the woman behind the words! Ohhhhhh I so can't wait!

If you haven't read Awakening yet, you can find it on Amazon. They have it on kindle and if you don't have a kindle you can get the kindle app for your phone.

Get the book, read & be randy :) stay sexy and as always...

Stay Curvy
XOXO

Our Kinky Clause Kick off...

So, here is the kick off episode of Kinky Clause... Sir Jim had me turning every shade of pink possible! What a fun one and just so naughty! ;)

Listen to internet radio with Sex Talk with Curvy on Blog Talk Radio

Hope you take a listen and enjoy the show! Stay sexy my lovelies and until next time...

Stay Curvy
XOXO

Back to Kinky Clause

and my purely scientific investigation of BDSM. (Fine, that's a lie but whatever). I've been reading The Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taormino. This book is pretty fascinating and has the various segments written by "Masters" in their respective techniques, such as Midori, Lolita Wolf, Laura Antoniou and Madison Young.

It's broken down into nice bite size pieces that even I can handle and absorb into my tiny brain. Not to mention it's extremely well written. It's like Tristan has brought together the rock stars of the BDSM community. There is so much information out there regarding this particular community. A large percentage of it from what I can tell is a little on the skeevy side but there are some genuine people willing and able to teach and impart their knowledge on the subject. This book is definitely on my recommendation list.

I'm also reading Awakening by Elene Sallinger, a second piece of erotic fiction after finally making it through the second book in the FSOG series. (Sorry, I still like these. It's an easy read and I just substitute my own words for her redundant descriptives) Though I have found some similarities, "Stilling" is used in this work as well as is the whole biting her lower lip bringing a raging woody to the uber-hot un-attainable Dom. It causes me to wonder, is this how it starts for single ladies out there discovering their kink? It seems to be a popular trend in fiction, that's for certain.

I've discussed with the honey the prospect of getting a little hands on in my "research", ahem, yeah, that's it Research! I've had him read some of my reading list and tell me what he thinks. I also directed him to the CEPE page posted in an earlier post. Poor thing forgot his English and I'm still uncertain exactly how he responded verbally, but the physical response was well, lets just say exciting. He is an angel and thankfully he goes right along with me in what ever hair-brained sex-capade I get distracted with or my flavor of the month.

I do find it intimidating, even a little scary. I'm pretty type A personality, OCD, clean freak, and what did my producer call me, oh yeah, a germaphobe (not sure that's a word but anyhoo). I do struggle with what "role" I closely identify with. In life I'm pretty much a very dominant personality I control all within my tiny universe (or think I do anyway). Hence the confusion. A Dominant as in the D of the D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship just isn't necessarily something I'm comfortable with. In point of fact, I think I would more closely relate to the submissive in this aspect. Perhaps it's BECAUSE I tend to control so many of the other aspects of our lives, I seek the reprieve from decision-making, scheduling etc... Or perhaps I'm confusing the roles completely.

This establishment of roles and guidelines is essential in the community, as well as of course CONSENT. But then there are other roles, one is termed a Switch. Yup, like a switch hitter for all you baseball fans or others. Anyhoo, I may be over thinking this and making it more difficult than it needs or really is. (Not a shocker, I still use a thermometer to boil water, don't judge me! :D )

Or perhaps it's not necessarily ME I'm concerned about. In a LTR (long-term relationship) that has been relatively vanilla for years outside a little spank and tickle, is it even feasible to think that established life roles can be adjusted for pure sexual satisfaction and exploration? I don't know the answer. It's odd how once we start to look out our sexual desires, they soon become needs.

As I said before, I'm pretty Type A. I can tell you exactly where something is in my home without even looking or thinking because everything has its place. (as long as no one has moved it on me, drives me nuts!) My honey is so relaxed and laid back with me, that it may be part of the reason I'm so dominant in my role as wife and business partner. Yet, let anyone else step wonky to either of us and the fury of the G_ds looks like a happy place to anyone who crosses him. Maybe, I am already in a submissive role and simply don't recognize it for what it is? Perhaps the power exchange that is so prevalent in the BDSM community is merely an illusion, a consensual and albeit convincing one, but still an illusion. Is it possible to be both Dominant and submissive? Is it possible to relinquish control to gain control? Is it possible that one can be so focused on task that they unwittingly become submissive in that action? Maybe I'm just the perfect sub to honeys Dom tendencies or is it the other way around?

Maybe as we seek out our partners we find that perfect mix of I want this, that and the other that when we find it the power exchange is made without our even realizing it. This is one of the reasons I think I'm so intrigued by the BDSM culture. He wanted a wife who was driven to succeed, extremely clean, with a mind for business and adventurous with a big ole bootay. I wanted the strong, silent, pick me up when I fall & treat me like a Queen, Knight in Shining Armor.

Again, maybe just maybe this is part of the discovery process. Perhaps I need to spend more time thinking about, pondering and musing over sexuality. (As IF, I don't do it enough already) Perhaps everyone needs to take a moment regularly and think about sex and their desires. No more dead bedroom issues, no more unsatisfactory outcomes, no more "I wish ____ would _____." Has western culture deprived us of our ability to be sexual creatures comfortably? Maybe we have allowed it so long that for some sex is more perfunctory than pleasure. Have we been convinced that sensation and the experience of physical sensation is reduced to good vs bad?

The techniques and the level of communication is still astounding to me. I love it, I really love it! I may find myself stagnated in this spot of role definition but talking about the variety of kink has taken over our sexy bed time talk so we shall see. Maybe I need to get out the chocolate syrup to mix up our vanilla. Or I may just accidentally bring home some product to try out before it gets to go on the store site. :D (Career with bene's IJS)

Perhaps kink is like a seed, it may or may not grow it just depends on whether or not you water it. Either way, it appears the more I learn the more questions I have. You know curiosity and the cat? I feel like one in a room full of rocking chairs! But it's an interesting escapade and I am really enjoying the journey and the lovely people I've gotten to meet and talk with.

One thing I will say about this adventure is that while I'm still uncommitted to the lifestyle, it sure has been enlightening and at the least has brought out some questions and aren't they really the pave-stones of the paths we choose?

This Saturday kicks off our Kinky Clause, there are 5 segments each Saturday in December at 10:00pm. This segment may be extended based on the interest and request of readers and listeners alike. The link to this weekends show is Sex Talk with Curvy Due to scheduling conflict, the initial show will be re-aired on its scheduled date rather than live. If you have any questions for our guest, please get them in to me as soon as possible.

So grab the water hose, spray me down, stay sexy, tune in for our kinky clause segments and as always...

Stay Curvy
XOXO

Intimacy and Chemistry

We hear a lot about chemistry. But how does it relate to intimacy and how do we keep that chemical cocktail fresh in a long-term relationship?

A huge part of a couples chemistry lies in their basic level of communication. As with all communication, it starts with the largest sex organ in the human body, the brain. So often I'm harping on communication, communication, COMMUNICATION. Even in some of the research I'm doing on upcoming segments, I'm still amazed at the practices of communication that are in some circles a set baseline for relationships.

Now, communication can be many things to many different people. I communicate daily with hundreds of people regarding sex and sexual issues. On the surface this is intimate, but in actuality, it's not. It's almost clinical. We can chat with our girlfriends about sex and while it's an intimate subject, and with our intimate girlfriends it's still a far cry from being that intimate communication with our lovers.

It's one thing to say I'd really like ____ to try this with me to a friend or counselor. But at times saying I'd like you to do this ____ to me tonight when you get home, is a bit more difficult. There is a safety issue. What will my partner think of me? Will they still love me? How will this change my relationship? It is a huge step in communication and an even larger step in chemistry department.

It's through this intimate communication that we can maintain, and even grow our chemical connection to our partners. One way we can increase our chemistry is by some sexy talk, expressing our fantasies to our lovers. Chemistry in an intimate relationship is created through intimate communication.

A sexy text, note or message throughout the day can go a long way to creating some chemistry between you and your partner. This is part of expressing ourselves, both as partners as well as sexual beings.

Another way to ensure and even increase the chemistry is to always try to look your best. Look, I get it, times are tough, stress levels are high, the demands on our time are relentless. BUT, we can choose to ignore ourselves and our appearance and run the risk of losing it all together or we can MAKE time for ourselves and keeping our appearance nice to look at. It's pretty simple, we are all mammals, and mammals are generally attracted to other mammals who offer ideal genetic materials for procreation. That's the science, here's the real deal. If you are in a long-term relationship and have fallen into that married pudgy, half leg shave, wearing the mickey mouse sweatshirt with a little vomit still on it from the baby earlier this afternoon, girlfriend you gotta get out of that.

Don't even begin to think that guys don't fall into that as well. They used to put on cologne to meet us for coffee, shave, shower and pick out some decent clothes to wear upon our dates.

Attractiveness does go both ways and it is truly up to each individual within this partnership to keep their side of this unspoken deal up. I understand that it's hard with the obligations of life and family to think of ourselves. It might even look like vanity to some. But I think most women will agree, how they feel is based on how they feel they look. We've been told that it's vanity, we've been warned not to be that "high maintenance" woman, it's been made ok to let ourselves go after marriage. Well, it's not. We're not. And only to a certain extent is it ok.

One way to ensure your attractiveness to you mate is to know what particular body part they like, are they a leg man, a butt man etc... this does go both ways guys, we ladies like and are attracted to different body parts as well. I know we often say it's "his eyes" or "his smile" but most of us secretly are checking out other parts as well. Me, I love me some strong thighs on a man. Don't get me wrong, upper body strength is important, but I think that strong, thick, healthy, hard thighs are awesome. There's several reasons, the prevalent one today is in the event of a zombie attack, if, as I'm running in my 6 inch spiked heel boots and twist my ankle, will my partner be able to effectively toss me over his shoulder and run us both to safety? IJS. Spindly male thighs, can't run as far or as fast during a zombie attack and I run the risk of limping off on my own and being forced to tarzanna up a tree and through the overhead branches again risking more life and limb to get away. It's a survival strategy. True story. Anyhooo...

Find out what part your lover likes and accentuate that. If he (or she) is a thigh lover, get those jeans on that are a little snug (not tight, again zombies, getting away, tight-fitting restrictive movement jeans not a good scenario) around the thigh or wear that short skirt with some thigh high stockings. There is nothing wrong with drawing attention to the part or parts of your body that your lover likes.

A second tip to increase chemistry in your relationship is the simplest one of all. LOOK AT EACH OTHER! We tend to stop doing this as we are inundated with the demands of life, we might end up spending our sit down meal time watching our toddlers to make sure they stop feeding spaghetti to the parrot rather than looking and conversing with our partners.

One technique you can use to increase intimacy and bonding while looking at your partner is to look straight into their pupils. You can tell a lot about your lovers level of interest by checking out their pupils. A persons pupils will increase in size or dilate when they are interested or turned on. Conversely, they will constrict when your lover loses interest or become disturbed.

Looking directly into your lovers eyes or a lovers gaze has been the bedrock of love stories, erotic art and poetry since man and woman have had the power of conversation and expression. It's also hugely erotic and full of promise. So try it. Stop having that conversation over band-width battling laptops, look at each other and speak!

A third suggestion is that when you are having this intense, eye gazing convo lean in toward your lover. Let them know that they not only hold your mind and eyes captive but your body is drawn to them as well. Be a magnet to your lovers iron and vis e versa. I'm not saying to cling to them or hang like a puppy on each breath they take, but show your physical interest by a slight lean in. (no one really likes a Cling-on, really I've seen star wars or star trek and ya don't see babes hanging on that dude.)

Fourth, engage your partner in something exciting. Get your adrenaline pumping together. Let me give you an example. You can have sex after a weekend day of laundry, dishes and yard work and it might be great. OR You can have sex after just having jumped together 20,000 feet out of a perfectly good airplane ON PURPOSE! The adrenaline alone is nearly enough to orgasm, but imagine you are with your lover on some exciting intrigue or adventure. The sharing of an exciting event, some heart racing adventure is enough to boost your chemical attraction together because its something you have shared and experienced together!

Last, but not least. Harness the power of touch. Don't go all PDA on me in the mall or anything, but why not hold hands? Show your appreciation to each other with a long lingering toe curling kiss. Smack that ass as he's walking by with 60 pounds of moss for the winter garden. It's playful, its fun and it again is simple proximity creating chemistry between you and your lover.

Here's your chemistry check list. Consider it homework and get back to me later on how it goes. HEHE

1. Keep it real, keep it sexy. Show off your foxiness. Accentuate the positive.
2. Look into my eyes. Look at each other. Peer into the soul of your lover.
3. The lean in. Come closer my lovelies. Be drawn in by your lover.
4. Excite the mind and body. Get that adrenaline pumping. Adventure with your love.
5. Feels goooooooooood. Touch me there. Smack that ass!

Seriously, these are pretty basic. Yes. They seem almost simplistic, but isn't it always the simple things that often get left behind as we march away on our paths of life? It's easy to forget to look at our partner when there are so many things out there demanding our visual attention. It's easy to lean back and relax after a long hard day of work rather than lean in to show our interest.

Try this, see if it doesn't create within you and your lover a little extra spark, those thoughts that make us speed home from work just to see our lovers.

Stay sexy, stay safe and as always...


Stay Curvy
XOXO

Today in my search

I was lucky enough to stumble across some pages dedicated to noobs to the BDSM community. (yippeee me) Ironically, they appear to be written by the Dom, the Sadist or the Top. (I still don't really know what a Top is, I've an idea though)

On the surface, it would appear that these are the givers to their receivers. That they would most benefit from a noobie they could take and "train" how they pleased. The majority of these articles, (I'll post em in a minute keep your panties on), are written as words of caution to the noobs to not fall prey to "unethical" practitioners.

I think a large part of the non BDSM of society sees these individuals as predators and without ethics. But from my reading, I see them as taking as stance against predatory actions, adding a sense of structure and quite a bit of credibility to their lifestyle. It's ironic to me because these individuals are seen often (by non-practitioners) as abusive, controlling, domineering etc... So to see these "types" issuing words of caution is quite contrary to initial belief.

Don't get me wrong, I've been spanked a few times and my first spanking came when I was 6 or 7 and my mother got out the dreaded belt. My older brother, who was 16 or 17 loves to tell the story. I had done some terrible thing and my mother bent me over the bed and in one fell swoop and crack the belt made such an impression I was across the bed like superman jumping a tall buildings in a single bound. Of the hundreds of family get togethers when the story is told (over and over again) apparently I peeked over the mattress and asked my brother "What was that?" After his fit of laughter he explained that "That, was a spanking". I don't have fond memories of that nor any of the ones to follow, and a severe aversion to pain.

I don't even like for butterflies to land on me cause it skeeves me out their little straw like proboscis and their sharp little bitty sticky feet attaching themselves to my skin. *shudders* I once slammed the car door on my thumb, because I was too concerned with getting off me the creepy little grasshopper that had landed on my leg that I forgot to move my hand as I was doing the "get it off getitoff GETITOFF don't let it get in the car" slamming the door dance. I know I have issues, so anyway.

I bring this up because regardless of this aversion to pain, suffering, bugs, and other creepy things I still find this community to be fascinating. It might be the level of rules and control they exhibit. I found on the CEPE page, it's a group in my area, a BDSM checklist of 200 questions. 200 freaking questions AND they clearly state that there will be more as required by the individual couple. Now, I'm thinking "there are an awful lot of rules" in addition to limits, hard limits and off-limits.

Then I think, how many times do "vanilla" couples have such an in-depth discussions of sexual likes, dislikes and don't even dream about its? The comparison is impossible. The only similarities I can see so far, is the penis to VaJayJay and/or anus for most hetro couples as well as mutual love and respect. (I'd really like to discuss straight vanilla which my understanding is no kink but anyhoo)

So before the onslaught of judgy pant people start, I'll just put my two cents in right now. Do Not Assume that you know the right way to show love and respect between all people. Listen, "your way" is NOT the only right way. K? K! Oh and if your blood pressure is rising from anger or disgust, you might want to stop reading cause it will only get worse. Toodles, see you when this segment is finished. :D Aaaaaaaand moving on...

So back to what I was thinking before I so rudely interrupted myself. This link CEPE Checklist has 200 various questions regarding different "kink" that a couple discusses, marks off etc...

I like the communication aspect of this. It's safer than the "Ya wanna get it on?" where the only discussed rule is to condom or not to condom. Seriously??!!??!! WTF? How are we vanillas missing this very basic form of intimacy? There is apparently a huge amount of preparation prior to the act, and a respect that is honestly, quite amazing to me. I've suggested in the past that we do a sexy letter day, or a weekly wish list with our partners regarding sex. These practitioners, actually perform this on a regular basis and stick to it. No slip ups or excuses. They acknowledge that what they prefer might be considered out of the ordinary and respectfully request permission.

Again, communication is such a huge aspect of intimacy and most of the couples I've spoken to find they are lacking in these areas. He or She doesn't know how or feel comfortable discussing sex, sexual fantasies, what feels good etc... so they rather quickly find that their sexual life and appetites begin to falter if not fall off completely. Yet depending on which study you look at, practitioners of BDSM show a markedly higher percentage of overall sexual satisfaction. So again, it's my belief that due to the extent of communication, in addition to actively pursuing their sexual pleasures within the "accepted" parameters of their sexual relationship, attributes immensely to this higher sexual satisfaction rate.

Now on to Permission? WTF. This entire experience is turning out to be quite the opposite of what I "saw" from the outside looking in. The Doms, Sadists and Tops have to get permission from their counterparts. This is not what one would initially see at first, second or 957,425,543.3 look. I think what most people of the "nilla" type see is abuse, degradation, etc... when in actuality, it's the receiver who elicits complete control. EDIT: There is a negotiation, so the parameters of the sexual interactions are pre-agreed upon. It's counterintuitive to those of us who are peeking in.

When you think of a scene in FSOG, any of them pretty much, or when you "accidentally" type in BDSM to your browser and stumble across some BDSM erotica. You, if you're a vanilla type, might initially see some poor woman or man being abused by a domineering, controlling ass hat. Yet, it's that poor little man or woman who have in part with their partner who have developed the parameters of acceptable, willing and "not gonna happen, ever". They like it and they hold to account their partner. They willingly give their consent to relinquish their own personal power of choice to their partner. (power-play more to follow, when I say so. :D) They have a say in what is or isn't allowed, they have a "safe word" that they are able to use at any time to cease the activity.

Unless we are discussing a Master/slave relationship. (Again more to come on this at a later date) This is yet another topic that will be followed up on. I so was not kidding about the intricacies of this particular sexual lifestyle and its practitioners. There is a huge amount of information out there, that is both interesting and I'll admit, a little intimidating. *still not sceered* ;)

A common practice called "aftercare" is also considered and outlined in their sexual communications. What is aftercare? It's where the couple spends time re-connecting and bond. Yes, bond and this is, in most practitioners lives, a requirement not a suggestion. Aftercare is after a "scene" is completed they engage in activities meant to create a bond and closeness. It's intimacy after the O!

How many times have us vanilla's complained that after sex, it's nappy time for him or her, and we want to cuddle? I'll go more into this in a later submission (hehe I got it in here neeeeneeeerrrrrr neeeeeeneeeerrrrrr) Because it's important and a lesson we can incorporate into our sex lives as non-practitioners of BDSM. Again I find myself trying to compare these practices with the more traditional sex components and it's a struggle. While there is no right or wrong way to have sex, there are certain aspect of the act that increase our bond to our partners, our level of intimacy and even boost our moods. I'm so keeping a cheat sheet going on what portions of the lifestyle I want incorporated into my own sex life, what I'm willing to explore and what would be a hard limit for me. I think it would be great fun to check out that CEPE activities list to start a discussion with my honey. :D

Back to my original point. These articles often are directed to "noobs" to give them a check list of both red-flags (no gos), what to expect and what not to tolerate. They clearly outline what is considered predatory and unethical. So here are a few examples.

Identifying Predatory Behaviour

When the unethical meet the unprepared

Risk Management

Dangerous Webmasters in BDSM

These again are written it seems to me to protect us nosey newbies and those people who have decided to dabble. These experienced practitioners know, understand and take measures to minimize risk to their partners physical, mental and emotional health. They, it appears, wish to ensure that people who are experimenting aren't being taken advantage of or abused. Which again is counter intuitive at first glance to this lifestyle.

There is something about the power exchange that is amazing to me. I can get it, on a submissive (I think) level. After 15 to 18 hours of work each day, managing the house, my business, my husband's business and being responsible for everything in our world it gets tiring. Decisions that require lightning fast responses then the constant questioning of ones self regarding those decisions. I have to think that at least sometime it might be nice to have at the least my sexual responsibilities and decisions made by someone else. I think of the freedom I might have to think of other things and explore a creative aspect rather than be bogged down at all times by the 101,498,384 responsibilities and decisions that go with waking up in the morning.

My understanding of the real underlying tenant of these relationships is trust and structure, in my rather loose grasp of the topic. How much trust can you place in another human being? (who naturally make mistakes, sorry we all do) How do you get in that head space that just allows you to be? I just don't know that answer. I'm one of those people who have a very high flight or fight response. I take only calculated risks and find that when something isn't just right, I have to make it so. There are certain things that I am simply compelled to do to provide a level of protection for my home and family. So while I can get it, I just don't know if I can get into it.

Now my comments here are just a tidbit of the actuality of what is the BDSM community. It's a tiny fraction of what there is to learn and only my take on what information I have gained so far. I thought I would just update where we are today. I'm interested to see where this takes me and how these entries develop.

So until next time, stay safe, stay sexy and as always...


Stay Curvy
XOXO

Breast Cancer

and body image. I had the privilege to speak with not one but two of the most awesome and inspirational women I have ever had the pleasure to meet tonight. I cannot even begin to express how they inspire me and I honestly hope that any woman, or partner of a woman who is going through breast cancer or is still suffering sexual side effects from this disease will find in these two as much inspiration as I have.

I've not been affected by Breast Cancer either personally or through a close family member so I really was in the dark about the subject other than I knew it affected the "girls" and was bad. I couldn't personally imagine the betrayal of my body to the extent of actual physical detachment of a body part. Let alone one of my breasts. I mean, I love my bewbies. They are soft and pretty and squishy and fun to play with. It's a love affair and I always giggle cause I can play with them when ever I want to. It's like a toy for me that can't be taken away.

So to have the honor of having these two awesome women who not only won the battle with breast cancer, but came back sexier than ever gave me hope for all my sexy sisters out there who are in survival mode and battling this disease. You have now two role models, two beautiful sexy women who embrace life and living and one of the best parts of life in a healthy sexual relationship.

I have a whole new respect and admiration for all women and the MEN who have the stones to stand with them as they go through this struggle. So my hat, (it's a betty boop beanie btw) off to you.

Please enjoy the show Sex Talk with Curvy October 27th

Stay sexy, stay strong and as always...


Stay Curvy
XOXO

Private Parts

and Public Opinion.  I really really really hate discussing political topics. With the election going on and "hot topics" like this going around, I tend to have an issue with keeping my big mouth shut.

Now there is a term, biting off more than you can chew and even with my big mouth this can still happen. I'm quite certain that this will be one of those times. So buckle in and get ready for a ride on the Curvies Opinion Train. (Doesn't even SOUND like fun) But this is bothering me so I'm going to get it off my chest and deal with the ramifications later, like laters baby!

Earlier this weekend I'm chatting with a gay couple, who by the way are adorable. The topic comes up, what is my position on gay marriage. Me, being the anti-clause of the political holiday, I usually stand there with my fingers in my ears going "I can't hear you, I can't hear you, I'm not listening, I'm not listening" It usually works for me, unless it's in regards to this topic or the cop who pulled me over the other day. (For the record I wasn't speeding, I had to pee)

So after being unable to avoid the conversation, I had to come up with a position. I fumbled about for a moment and finally said "What does it matter where you put your private parts, as long as you are with a willing partner" Apparently that was the lamest position this couple heard. I got the smirk and hand on the hip, "Say what" that made me continue to ramble on about private parts etc... They gracefully let me out of that rather uncomfortable corner I had stumbled my way into, with a simple "Not standing up for anything, means you will fall for anything."

I had this conversation ringing in my head for days and I sat down and started thinking about "Marriage". Marriage is often called an "institution". I recall not so many decades ago, when there were other "institutions" that didn't allow women to be students, or African-Americans to attend. Then I think too, it wasn't so long ago that the laws governing the institution didn't allow mixed race marriages between a man and a woman.

Then I start thinking about sex, (I know it's shocking, right) and I remember that there are laws regarding certain sex acts that were still on the books until 2003 when the US Supreme Court invalidated laws against "Sodomy". (See Lawrence v. Texas.) Prior to this US Supreme Court decision, 36 states had previously repealed these laws but it was this case that invalidated the remaining states "Sodomy" laws. Now, I don't like the word "sodomy" and for the most part, what is considered "sodomy" is any "Unnatural sex act" including Oral Sex and Anal Sex.

Now I have to back up. Say what? You mean to tell me that as a married woman, prior to 2003 I was committing an illegal act? Handcuff me now! (No really I like it) I can't help but offer up a nervous giggle thinking that some bureaucrat in a stuffy brown suit is telling me where I can put my girlie parts, on whom I can put them, and for that matter where I can put them. I'm calling bullshit on this play.

Finally I start to think about how these past laws affect people today, (as if I would ever give up the oral). I try to conceive of how same-sex marriages will affect mine. I try to think of one thing I will lose if my gay couple friends get married. What sanctity am I losing? How does it take away from my own marriage? How will it affect my child? You know, I might not be the sharpest tool in the tool shed, but I cannot for the life of me come up with a single way lesbian and homosexual couples getting married will affect my marriage. After all, if it's an institution doesn't marriage then fall under the 14th amendment and particularly the Equal Protection Clause that says, "the states could not, among other things, deprive people of the equal protection of the laws."

Now for another argument I've been subjected to regarding Marriage Rights, is that marriage is a Christian union in the eyes of G_d. That's sweet, but I have to break it to you, long before Christianity there were union passages such as hand-fastings etc... So again, the modern concept might be claimed by one or another, the simple fact is that people have been coming together in union for thousands of years. I also ask of this notion, if it's a Christian union, then is the marriage between atheists not a real marriage?

So I like to talk about sex, but when the government or spiritual conglomerate begin to tell me who, when and how I tend to get a little "tinkled" off. It's my parts, and as long as the person I'm backin' it up on is of majority age and a willing partner there should be no laws regarding my union. What's next? Will we say married couples who engage in BDSM are committing an unnatural sex act and therefore their marriage is null and void? As for the sanctity of marriage, puhleese, the sanctity of marriage went away with $499.99 + filing fee divorce attorneys, it died when it became easier to get a divorce than it was to get married!

Maybe we need to work on creating happy, satisfying, safe marriages for ALL couples, rather than worrying about where people put their private parts within their marriage.

Anyhoo, my only opinion is that if you are lucky enough to find love, to find that person you want to spend your life with CONGRATS and go for it! It's not my business what you do with your private parts, nor your tax write-offs based on your sexuality.

It's my desire to make sure you have fun, stay safe and as always...

Stay Curvy!!

XOXO

Desperately Seeking...

turned actively participating.

I'm afraid that many of us have been taught complacency in sex. There are many themes out there, be a lady in the street and a freak in the sheets, love yourself etc... and it's all very "red book". But yet we still, on the next page, talk of how our lovers have to get us ready with tonnes of foreplay, romance, intimacy etc...

YES, yes and yes these are all true but at what point are we, women, responsible for our own O? I juggle the lady in the street, freak in the sheet right along with business woman, mother, wife, household manager, pool girl, hot tub tester, sex toy collector, beauty lover, PMS having, insecure, moody asshole as well as a host of other things. My mother told me I'd have to master many things to achieve a modicum of success but she never told me to master my own orgasm!

Yes, I like foreplay (very much) Yes, I like intimacy (even more) and Yes, (yes oh yes) I like my orgasms. But I do not rely on anyone to "give me" one. In my hectic world "gimme" got replaced with "if you want it you better get it" or to quote the cable guy "geterdun".

I've heard women complain, "I want more foreplay", "I need more intimacy", "There's no romance" etc... and yes these are valid. So my answer is simple: If you want it, make it happen. Our partners, whether they be of the opposite sex, same-sex or even group sex don't intuitively know what we want or need to achieve our "O". We do, each individual is unique in what we need for sexual satisfaction. What one person may have been "taught" is great love-making might be a complete turn off for their next partner. It might even be an "up and run" moment, that is Pull your panties Up and Run!

So if you want more foreplay, make it happen. If you need more intimacy, be more intimate and if you are lacking in romance create some. Seriously, going on a beautiful tropical island sounds intimate, romantic, sexy and hot. It may well be that it is hot, as in the 90's with a humidity of 99% but if you don't bring sexy to that island you won't find it there, it's a f'ing island. Being a sexually empowered woman is not a bad thing, we are not living in that constraining era where you thought of the queen on your wedding night because there was nothing in it for you. It doesn't matter how you like sex, whether it be vanilla, or some funky monkey sex. (Who has the ice cream?) If you want a little spank n tickle get your best "teachers pet" outfit on and greet your honey at the door. Don't wait for them to "give" you your joy, you might be waiting a long time.

I spent years thinking that the guy who could "gimme" an orgasm was the best suit for me in my own purple room of pleasure. Those are years completely wasted, the Cosmo articles that said the best boyfriend is the one who "makes you happy", "makes you secure", "Gives you the O" now line my parrot's cage. No man, woman, human, toy or internet connection can "GIVE" you these things, or "MAKE" you have these feelings.

During these years I had heard that the French were super romantic and sensual as part of their culture. (I love me some French even fries!) Anyhoo, when I met my husband I was with a girlie friend of mine and he came in and spoke and I was had. I mean had, owned, possessed. Of course it would have been nice had he even noticed me at that time. After he left I looked at my girl friend and said "Did you see him?" "Did you hear him talk?" after she said "Yes" to both questions I wrapped up the conversation with "I want one." Little did I know that my pre-conceived notions about the sexual prowess of the French were more than a little skewed. I expected, (once he finally noticed me), romance, chocolate and rich food with hours of passion and sensuality. These notions took up quite a bit of my masturbatory time, and a whole lot of my fantasies.

My husband is an excellent lover, but initially, I wasn't sure we would be compatible. He's not the French romantic I'd heard about, though he does work to accommodate my ideas of being romanced. Intimacy, he was about as intimate as a porcupine. The sex was great after the 10th or 12th time. Don't get me wrong, it was good prior to that, I got my O's given to me. As our relationship progressed I realized that he was doing all the relationship work. I was making the demands for him to be the "French guy" I had materialized in my head, yet at that time he was just the body and accent of that fictional character.

It was then I lost my "O". Seriously lost it, gone, vanished, nothing could do it for me. Realizing I was being relationship selfish stole my O!!!! I had gone through a period of not wanting to be touched, looked at, spoken to, or even acknowledged. I just wanted to be an observer of life not an active participant. I became that cold, rigid roommate wife. Kissing, puhleeese. Intimacy, became try it if you dare. My mother, bless her soul, sat me down in her "little" way and told me to "stop being a selfish bitch". (I know RIGHT!!!! My mother was about 4'9" 100lbs of demure, blushing at the mention of "s.e.x.", no cursing because it's not lady like, June Clever type) So for her to use that language with me was the shock I needed to get my ass in order. Now while she didn't tell me to find my own O, she did tell me that no person will ever live up to some "Pie in the clouds ideal" of a perfect lover. She said that no lover is perfect in all their aspects and that if I wanted, really wanted love I had to actively participate.

In my search for my O, I substituted the word orgasm for love in her final statement on the subject. (the love was always there, it was the O that went to prison) Guess what, I FOUND MY O AGAIN!!!!! It wasn't hiding in his pocket, under the sofa or in some fancy schmancy restaurant with over priced snails. It was asleep within me, covered in dust bunnies and more than a little pissed off at being neglected for so long.

My views on intimacy changed so much, I no longer sought out my happiness in someone else. Or placed these ridiculous guidelines on how to be "my kind" of romantic. Gone were the days of you have to get me hot to get the girl parts. I learned to get myself hot. I learned to find romance where ever we were together. I learned to seek out intimacy in every day activities we did together.

Cosmo has gone a long way in the female sexual repertoire, it has helped us in so many ways to express our sexuality. It has given us a voice whereas years ago we didn't have one. At the same time it has made some of us, or at least me, co-dependent on someone else giving us our happiness, our intimacy, our romance and yes, even our orgasms. Its made us aware that we can voice our needs, but also at the same time made us a little whiny (for lack of a better word), more demanding and less self-sufficient in the sex department. I know that is going to piss off some of my sisters, but it's really not intended to. I want for all my sexy sisters to be empowered in their own sexuality. Complaining that you don't get enough foreplay, isn't empowerment, it's complaining.

It's not just our partners jobs to get us going, we need to take some responsibility in this area and do for ourselves. Sometimes just planning a sexy night is enough to get me warmed up, and spending a few moments plotting how to answer the door (lingerie or high heels and a smile) is super sexy. Being out in the woods with my honey became sexy for me, because he enjoyed it so much.

So ladies, lets stop desperately seeking someone to fulfill us sexually and actively participate in getting ourselves warmed up and hot. Thinking about what we want to do to our lovers or them do to us for just a few minutes each day goes a long way in getting us ready for sex. We cannot continue to be dependent on others to find our happiness or sexuality. I don't need any person to tell me I'm beautiful all I have to do is look in the mirror and see something about myself that I can consider beautiful. I don't need someone to tell me I'm sexy to know that I can be, at any time, as sexy as I wanna be. :D

Girlie friends, get yourself some sexy panties spend a couple more moments as you lotion your legs and body. Invest in your own sexuality and I guarantee you, sexual fulfillment will be at your finger tips. (literally) Enjoy yourselves, pleasure yourselves find what really turns you on and spend a minute or two each day thinking about it. Sex is natural, it can be mind numbingly awesome but you must have the mindset for it, no partner can give you that mindset, you have to create it within yourselves. Talking about sex with your lover is super hot. Make it a game that plays out for a week, Monday, Wednesday, Friday you and your lover exchange sexual favor notes. That is how you spice it up and how you become empowered in your own sexuality.

Now guys, gents & lovers, this isn't your lazy pass either. I guarantee once you find your sexy lover all empowered and turned on because they have been thinking about you, you are in for a treat. But don't slack off either, you have to initiate intimacy, romance and sex as well. You have to put yourself out there to your partner in order for them to put themselves out there for you. Great sex is a partnership. A mutually beneficial, erotic, sexy, hot, exhilarating partnership.

So guys and dolls, get sexy find your erotic side, dust it off and empower yourself sexually. Get busy, do it now and as always...

Stay Curvy!

XOXO

Get hands on

to get the goodies.

Listen guys and dolls, if you want this... or maybe this...

You have to give us something to work with. I know I know I know, you're tired of hearing how we women have to be romanced and worked over sexually in order to be aroused and ready for sex. Yadda yadda yadda. I'm a woman and frankly I'm tired of hearing about it. Personally I believe that we, as women need to be responsible for our own orgasms.

OK so you get it, women need and deserve foreplay in order to get really turned on. Yet in the same breath, men also need and deserve foreplay as well. Since the only tugging that needs to be going on in the bedroom are the tugging of belt straps and bed sheets lets wrap this little contest up.

Men AND Women both respectively need to be gotten hot before gotten off. It's the bond, and I can't think of anything hotter than a sensual massage. So let's get ready to get slippery, grab your Kama Sutra massage kit , a set of nice towels, put on some sexy relaxing music for a massage, I love love love Enigma. In point of fact I love them for anything sexy. Get your copy of Erotic Massage - A Touch of Love cuddle up with it, breeze through it and decide who's doing who tonight!

Adding sensual massage into your foreplay is erotic, sexy, relaxing and fun. It does take some time and practice to get it just right because again we are all different. So lets explore some massage tidbits to get you started. Before a massage, how bout you and your love take a nice relaxing bath together. Since you're gonna be naked and this will be a full body a little scrub-a-dub will make you and your love more comfortable.

Have your partner lay on their back and settle in behind them running your hands over their scalp and head. This is a light massage, and the scalp has many sensitive areas so small circular motions are key to a sexy scalp massage. Starting at the head is a great way to get him or her relaxed and a prelude of whats to follow. When you are able to make your lover tremble at you touch, you know you are getting it right. ;) Don't stop there. Once your lover is nice and relaxed have them turn onto their stomachs and work your way down to their feet.

Get our your yummy massage oil, warm it up in your hands and begin at the neck using your thumbs, in small circles work the area of the neck around the spine and use your fingers to work the sides of the neck. Work you way down to shoulder and run your hands down his or her back all the way to their butt and work your way back up along their sides. On your final "run up" begin your work on their arms again using varying pressure going from the shoulder all the way down to his or her finger tips. Pay some special attention to the wrist and palm of the hand. Use your thumbs in small circular motions around the palm and wrist of your lover. If you want to take it a step further, sweet (tasty) kisses on the wrist, hand and finger tips is a really sexy trick that will get your lover all kinds of hot. While your lover is on his or her stomach, you can use your nude body to rub against theirs as well as your hands. This is after all a sensual massage and you'd better get at least down to the undie-duds to do this.

When you have finished with their arms and have made your way to their back again, make several initial passes again over their back and on your final descension, slid your slippery palms over their rears (just as a teaser) and start with long stroked down their legs all the way to their feet. Kneading the back of the thigh and calf as you descend travel to their feet. Use gentle circular motions on the back of the knee. You'll want to make your descension and ascension in sets of three. One down and up on the back of the leg, one down and up on the outer leg, one down and up on the inner leg. Spend some time working in small circular motions around the ankle. Once you are finished with the back of the leg have your lover roll onto their back.

Now you will spend a couple of moments focusing on their feet. (Aren't you glad I had you take a bath now?) Again, use your palms to warm up some of that massage oil and use your thumbs to work from the ankle and heel to the top of the toes. Use a gentle pressure on the feet as those of us who are ticklish might end up kicking or tensing up. Massage both the top and bottom of the feet. In reflexology the foot has several sexual points. I found this handy-dandy downloadable pdf on the Taoist approach to sexual reflexology here it is, http://geofftop.com/Files/DL-B19%20Sexual%20Reflexology.pdf. ( I virus scanned it prior to downloading it, but I suggest you do the same! ) So, back to the hot steamy massage. As you are working the foot, use again small circles on the top part of the foot at the crease or bend of the foot to stimulate the groin area in your partner. This area extends from the spine of the foot across the top (at the bend) to the inner ankle.

When you are finished with your lovers feet, massage the leg (again in sets of three) front, outer and inner. Use a deeper pressure when following the blood flow and light pressure when massaging against the flow of blood. There are five basic strokes to incorporate during your massage. Friction, Tapping, Kneading, Stroking and Vibrating. (Already sounds fun) As you wrap up the royal leg treatment, you will focus on the abdomen, chest and frontal neck. Before kneading tummies, you might want to ask. This can be a source of insecurities for some.

Now depending on where and how you are giving this sexy massage your position will need to change throughout the massage. Since I don't have a massage table, I massage my sweetie in the bed so here is where I scamper on up and sit on him pinning his legs or stand off to the side. Anyhoo, as you are kneading and stroking (I really just wanted to say stroking again) your way around the abs and chest area don't forget the nipples. For the love of all that is HOT, Don't FORGET THE NIPS!!!!!

Again you will work the arms, similar to the first round while your lover was on his or her back. Use deeper pressure as you massage down toward the fingers and lighter pressure from the finger tips to the shoulder. For the frontal neck, you will cradle your lovers neck between your two hands and use very light strokes with the thumb up and down the neck. Light pressure being the key here. You will wrap up your sensual massage with light, delicate strokes along the chin line, cheek bones, eye brows, temple and forehead of your lover.

One of the fun things about a sensual massage is that feeling of anticipation you create in your lover. By the time you finish your massage both you and your lover will be ready to seal the deal, so to speak. In this type of massage, the obvious erogenous zones are lightly brushed over and can be focused on after you finish with the rest of the body if you choose. A sensual massage is a great tool for creating intimacy even without sex. It can be a gesture of love and appreciation as well as a way to help that stressed out lover relax after a hard day.

As you do your massage, use your body in the same rhythm as your strokes to ensure that you are getting good muscle penetration. With massage there are as many schools of thought out there are individual masseuse practitioners. Some will combine various techniques. If you are new at massage, it's best if you grab a book or dvd to get further versed in the art of sensual massage. This blog is by no means a "how to" I simply mean to supply you with some ideas to further your sexual experimentation and bonding with your partner. By getting some media instruction, you and your lover can watch or read it together to further the anticipation.

Sensual massage is sexy, any way you look at it. So stop messing around on the internet, grab a shower or bath with your lover, some oil and a candle to set the mood, get to massaging each other and as always...

Stay Curvy!!!!

XOXO

Going down the oral road...

It's pretty simple, in recent studies from the Kinsey Institute shows that oral sex is the most fantasized about sex act.

One of the oldest known fellatio stories dates back to the ancient story of Isis and Osiris. Osiris had been murdered by his brother Set, dismembered and his parts flung across the world. Isis, the distraught wife of Osiris sought out and found all of his various body parts less his penis. Isis unwilling to leave her husband dead, or demasculated without his penis, she molded one from clay and commenced to bring her dead husband back from the dead through "blowing" life into him through his penis.

Other depictions of oral sex are written in the Song of Songs, Circa 10th Century BC, when taken in the plain and literal sense without allegory. Though this is up for debate among many religious scholars, I'm sure some of whom would cringe at my mention. (sorry) Another "ancient" writing created in the Ramesside period, the Turin Erotic Papyrus dated around 1292-1075 BC, clearly shows regardless of interpretation that the ancients were enamoured with sex in all its various forms, even oral.

I recently read an article that stated, basically, oral sex is a product of porn, blah blah blah and yadda yadda yadda. I respectfully read the article while struggling to control my own gag reflex. Regardless, to each their own and for all the anti-oral men & women out there, I promise not to assault you with my mouth, lips or tongue (as if that would ever happy anyway).

Anyhoo, there are a couple of things that oral sex is and is not. Let's do the "Nots" first...

Oral sex is not
Shameful
painful
Embarrassing
Used to degrade or debase
Dirty
Unhealthy
Perverted
Unnatural
Safe from STD's

Oral sex is
A way to explore your partner.
A way to express a higher level of intimacy.
Direct stimulation of the sexual or other erogenous zone by the mouth or tongue.
A means to increase the likelihood of female orgasm.
Oral sex is SEX, (yes some people don't think of Oral sex as Sex)
A way to enjoy your partner without the risk of pregnancy.

Issues that tend to creep up with oral sex. For most men I have talked to about oral sex, this is an activity that they thoroughly enjoy and would like to have that feeling of completion but are often left without it. Yes, they want to orgasm during fellatio. The issue is that more than a few of us women have gag reflexes that either prevent us from taking him all the way or when we do result in a series of dry heaves that ruin the mood. So what can we do about this, I suggest that you grab a box of flavored condoms. Yes, the wonderful condom is more than just for prevention of STDs and pregnancy. It is a tool we can use to complete, extend and more thoroughly enjoy a sexual activity we otherwise may not be able to. Yes, the Dental Dam will provide the same effects as a condom for the ladies.

Oral sex is a completely natural sex act and is observed in the animal world. Hyenas engage in oral sex, Chimps, Goats, and other Monkeys engage in oral sex as acts of pleasure, cleansing as well as bonding and intimacy.

If you are in an intimate relationship, and are looking to increase your sexual prowess but find yourself shying away from oral sex take just a moment and challenge those ideals that are holding you back. The idea that oral sex is "nasty" or "dirty" came about in the Victorian era and those idea have continued at least to my generation. Though it was practiced openly and without impunity or shame for thousands of recorded years and I'm quite certain in pre-recorded history as well.

So get down, go down, most importantly and as always....

Stay Curvy

XOXO

The steamiest room in the house.

My muses on hot steamy bathroom sex...

Source: browndresswithwhitedots.tumblr.com via Michelle on Pinterest

OMG so I just want to go jump in a puddle of mud so I have a good reason to ask the honey to wash my back. I know for myself most of the time spent in the bathroom is either hair and makeup, teeth brushing, shower and leg shave or some other non-companion type activity. But I cherish my bath time, I love to luxuriate in the suds with the heat of the water making my skin turn a little pink, watching the steam roll of my legs. I love the scrub & they way the body wash feels on my skin, it's easily my first turn on in the morning. (OK fine, you got me, I'm a bath freak.)

Anyhoo.... I think the bathroom is a neglected sexual palace. We use the terms hot, steamy, wet & slippery without impunity when discussing sex & how we like it. But how often do we utilize the very room in our home that encompasses each of those adjectives for our sexual exploits? I've often written & discussed the effects of stress & obligation on our sex lives, so here is a super sexy fun ENERGY SAVING TIP....

Shower Together! What better activity can you do to save water, energy & I'd say time but.... well whatever. Whether you or your lover shower in the am or pm it's a great time to strip down & jump in with them. A perfect send off or morning departure for Wednesday or a perfect end to a hard mid-week work day.

A steamy shower or bath goes a long way in setting the mood, the steam is present all it needs is you & your lover. Shower sex incorporates all the senses as well, visually you can see your lover all nude & wet, you can hear the water running from their body & the shower, you can smell their freshly washed skin & the sense of touch well, you can go from cold to hot with the turn on a knob. (hehe I've wanted to think of a way to incorporate the word knob into my blog... Check)

So ladies, get ready to get wet & wetter with your honey in the shower & guys clean that dirty girl good. Depending on the time of day & the immediate obligations will set the tempo of your shower sex. If it's morning & work is calling a quick shower session is in order. Jump in, scrub up rinse off & get your quickie on. A quickie in the morning is just a sampling of what is to come later. Plus it gives us & our lover something to think on throughout the day.

If you have more time, after the kids are successfully tucked into bed & all the other obligations of life are wrapped up or effectively ended until the next day take a couple of minutes to set the mood in the bathroom. Light a couple of candles, remember if you use scented &/or pheromone infused candles they increase the sensuality of the bathroom. The light from the candle can play across you & your lovers wet bodies, what a sight for each of you to behold. Draw a warm bath, add in some foamy stuff or bubble bath something again luxurious & with sensual scent.

Sex in the bath is a great way to try out some different positions that require either physical strength or extended periods of endurance. Sex in the tub is great for that reverse cowgirl position & the water acts almost as an instant weight reduction. Alleviating the strain on her legs & his arms in assisting her to maintain this position. (plus its sloshy sexy) If you have a stand alone tub, like a claw foot tub the possibilities are endless, you have not one but two sides upon which you can drape your legs, arms or your body across. Giving you endless opportunities for position play.

Toilet sex!?!?!?! Say what? Yes with the lid closed preferably. This is a seat, no arms on which you have to maneuver around. Have your lover sit, while you get total control in the straddle. You can face him (or her) or let them see your sexy back and bottom. The term "back it up on meh" comes to mind. Seriously, when will you ever have that much fun on a toilet? I'm just saying. The height is great & doesn't require a huge knee bend for penetration. I guarantee you will never look at your toilet in the same manner.

The sink, (I smile every time I wash my face) The sink is awesome, she can sit on it with her legs around his waist, or she can bend across it for him to come in from the backside. He can sit on it while she seductively bends to perform fellatio.

The floor, I can hardly think of anything sexier than two hot bodies rolling around on a cold tiled floor. It's a sensory contrast that is a lot to take in and completely overwhelming. Imagine being hot on the front and cold on the back or visa versa.

So look around your bathroom, think for just a moment about the limitless possibilities of sex in that hot, steamy, sexy room. So some quick shower sex dos & don'ts

DO set the mood in the bathroom.
DO use some slip prevention stickie thingies in the tub.
DO find some sexy smelling, sensual bath & body products.
DO set some suction cup handles in place.
DO take care to protect your joints from the hard surfaces in the bathroom.

DO Not use oil based products in the shower or tub.
Do Not get reckless, a slip & fall can be dangerous & embarrassing.
DO Not use the body wash as a lube or insert into the VaJayJay.

These little sexplorations are a great way to improve upon a happy and satisfying sex life. It goes a long way to show your lover that you want them sexually in every aspect of your life, even the potty. :D

Grab your bath toys, set the mood & as always...

Stay Curvy!


XOXO

Stress and Sex

More often than not the stresses of life affect our sex lives, our intimacy level with our partners and our overall sexual health. It's a quandary that is difficult to get out of. If we are stressed our desire for sex is outweighed by the obligations of life. Over and over again we are told about the negative effect of stress on our lives. We are bombarded daily with ads for prescription stress relievers and told this miracle "thing" will relieve your stress. We know that stress causes fatigue, fatigue limits our sexual drive, limited sexual drive limits the amount of oxytocin and DHEA hormones released in our body, and these hormones are directly correlated with an individuals overall health.

Oxytocin is a hormone released during orgasm. (It's the feel good hormone) Ocytocin is good for the heart! It's true, and I will bet my last dollar that there are only a handful of pharmaceutical companies or physicians that are going to tell anyone that this hormone actually helps to reduce blood pressure as well as cortisol levels in the body. So put simply put an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away!!!! Oxytocin, according to Dixie Meyers 2007, "Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors and Their Effects of Relationship Satisfaction" article in the The Family Journal, says that it (Oxytocin) evokes feelings of contentment with our mates as well as a reduction in anxiety. It's a "bonding" naturally produced chemical, and here you thought sex was just for the O!!! The Neuroscience of Sharing by Jessie Poquerusse would indicate that oxytocin, released during orgasm can reduce and even alleviate stress effectively.

The studies having been performed in the last 10 years, and the ones going on today are showing that sex and orgasm can reduce stress. They are proving scientifically (FINALLY) benefits of sex and intimacy beyond procreation. Yes, I must sound a bit like the Peace & Love "Hippy" movement, (Most likely I am a direct result of that particular social movement. Thanks mom and dad!) but whether you take the scientific fact from one end of the spectrum to the other, the fact remains the same. The hormone released during orgasm is beneficial to your body, mood and stress level.

How to find the desire for sex when you are stressed out, hair crazy, bug-eyed, bills due must work harder, obligations out the butt, no time, life of extreme exhaustion. (I know it's a run on sentence, but I didn't have time to punctuate) If you are in a relationship, this is a team effort.

It used to be that we (the average non-billionaire) could outsource the light work of running our homes and careers. We could once or twice a week call the neighborhood babysitter to come in and take care of the children to give the parents some alone time. Now, it's a little harder than that, at least from my experience. So here are a couple "in-house" tips to help you to get or help your partner get a little more into the mood.

Use candles, they set such a beautiful ambiance in the bedroom. The glow from the candle is also quite flattering for those of us who sometimes have body image issues. Any candle is fine for the look of the room, but you can go a step further by adding in either some aromatherapy candles. Focus on the scents that are not too floral, you want some spice scent in there as well. Cedar wood, Ginger, Jasmine, Lavender are all great scents that are easily found in candle form.

You can also use an oil burner, tea light and some essential oils like the above mentioned oils, as well as a sweet basil oil, bergamot, black pepper, rose, Clary sage and sandalwood just to name a few.

There is a step beyond even this, if you choose you can incorporate a pheromone infused candle, not only are these scented beautifully, they have pheromones infused so they are doing double duty, if you will.

Using candles incorporates one to two of your five senses. If you use the candle simply for ambiance and the warm glow they emit you are engaging the sense of sight. Most of us are visual lovers as well so that warm flickering glow across your lovers face or yours will invoke an intimate response. If you choose to incorporate the aromatherapy aspect you are also incorporating a second of your senses in smell.

Using the candle alone is great, I do suggest that you also incorporate the sense of smell as well. You can do this with a room spray, perfume, cologne, scented bubble bath or body spray. There are also linen sprays that are pheromone infused to assist you in developing this sensual sense.

Taste, what a great way to get the motor running (if not gunning) for some frisky sex but some sexy tasty treats. There are numerous products out there that can be applied directly to the body then kissed, licked or sucked off. Body toppings, flavored condoms and dental dams etc... but you can also incorporate some fruits (yes the energy contained in the fruit will give you a little spike to assist you in your endurance) Strawberries, Kiwi, Pomegranate, and Cherries are awesome fun and super sexy.

Envelop the room with the sound of music. Music, like so much else affects our mood. It evokes an emotional responses. If you goal is sensual & erotic check out Enigma. Their music just oozes sex. Or you can go with some sounds of nature, it is a primal act and what better sound for setting a fantasy, a sensual environment than the sound of waterfalls gently cascading in the background. Sex is primal, so the sounds of the jungle just beg for some crazy monkey sex.

Finally, touch to set the mood for intimacy. There are so many things that touch our bodies though out the day some things are so comfortable we could just fall asleep in them, others so uncomfortable that we rip em off as soon as we get home. The sense of touch can be as simple as taking your lovers hand and leading them in to the room you set up just to seduce them. It can be asking your lover to wear that special item in the morning before they leave for work. A feather, or leather strap can be great fun. Silk ties or the cold steel of handcuffs says you are serious. All these things, depending on what you're into are useful things to employ the sense of touch. Sweet little kisses over their face and neck are often enough to get them to understand and anticipate what is to come.

In the morning create an atmosphere of anticipation. When my husband is on the way home, I sneak into one of his shirts and answer the door half unbuttoned and with a big smile. I have also been known to stick a pair of panties, with an "I want you note" in his coat pocket and tell him to check his pocket before he gets to work. Sending your lover off in the morning with a specific piece of undies sets both of you in anticipation mode. It's super sneaky sexy fun to walk out the door knowing your lover requested you to wear those silk boxers or that super sexy garter and stockings. You'll be thinking about them all day and they will be thinking about you. Send a sexy text throughout the day, just a simple "I can't wait to see you, I'm so hot right now" will give the receiver something unexpected and something to look forward to.

This doesn't take a lot of effort, you don't have to go buy anything to accomplish a super sensual ambiance and you don't have to leave your home to do so. The person creating the sexual space gets to have their sexy little hands in every aspect of the planning and the partner to be seduced has the anticipation of whats to come. A little surprise goes a long way, but spending moments throughout the day anticipating whats to come can drive it home.

So take just 10 minutes, light a candle, get the Ipod or MP3 set up, grab a pomegranate while your shopping for the evening meal. Take turns with your partner. She seduces him sometime this week and he seduces her next week. Share the responsibility of seduction and keeping each other in the mood. Share the intimacy and share the sexual benefits to come with an orgasm. If you have kids, you can set your bedroom while they are getting ready for bed and get your sexy on after they are asleep or reasonably secured in rest mode.

Have fun, have sex for your health (as if you needed another reason) and as always....

Stay curvy!

XOXO

If you groom it...

they will come. OMG, I so just did the Kevin Costner Baseball movie thing quote kinda. Anyhoo

Today's topic is personal grooming. This is gonna be a short one, but still important in the area of intimacy and sexual satisfaction. If you're a woman like me, there are days when I do the ankle to knee shave and call it done because really, those extra 2 minutes to wrap up the shave I just don't have. What I do have is more demands on my time than actual time. If I had 36 hours in the day, I'd go for the full shave and pedi scrub. I don't and neither do you, or if you do please tell me how!!!!

So, shaving the coochy. Did you realize that it takes on average half an hour to get a clean, slick shave on the cooch? OMG who would have thought that getting that shave would take longer than shaving our legs? There are a couple of things you need to get before you start the shave.

1. Use only high quality, multi blade razors. Preferably one with a pivoting head. I use a 5 blade, yes they are a little more expensive, but the results are well worth it. No nicks, scrapes or pulls.

2. Use a good shaving oil to act as a barrier between your skin and the razor. I love the "Barely There Miracle Oil". If you google shaving oils, you will have a great selection of shaving oils to use if you choose not to use the Barely There Miracle Oil.

3. Also make sure you are using a good shave cream. While I choose the Barely There Miracle Oil I also use Coochy Shave Cream as the shaving cream. Do NOT for the love of awesomeness use soap. You will end up with what I like to call the "Burning Bush" look. If you are going to take the time to groom it, do it well or don't do it at all. Trust me, you do not want to deal with itch and appearance of razor burn or the lovely ingrown hair follicles that will inevitably follow.

4. Find a silicone labia guard. (I know, what the hell is a labia guard) This is a neat little tool you can use to protect the clitoris & labia minora or your inner VaJayJay lips. Cause a cut here will hurt, A LOT!

5. Make sure you have on hand an aftershave powder or light water-based lotion. I have used the Coochy Aftershave Powder, but found that baby powder worked just as well. When I'm putting on the sexy black I do use the Coochy Aftershave Protection Mist only to avoid the white powder trail on my panties, dress, the floor and everywhere else I end up getting it.

6. Keep handy a small mirror, so you can get a good view of what still needs to be groomed and how your progress is going.

7. Have on hand a good exfoliating wash, a sugar scrub or exfoliating mitt.

Ok so now you have the tools, let's get to shaving.

Before you jump in the tub or shower, trim it up. The shorter the hair to start with the less stress or use on the razor. If you are shaving in the bathtub, make sure it's nice and warm and you soak for 10 to 15 minutes. If you are showering, again spend a good 10 to 15 minutes to relax the hair follicle. Exfoliate and use the shave oil over the area to be shaved. This way you are putting that protective barrier between your skin and the razor. Set the labia guard in place, slather on that shaving cream, on your mark get set, go.

Once you begin the shave, follow the growth on the first round then reapply shave cream and go opposite the growth on the second round. Avoid going over the same spot multiple times as doing so will cause irritation. Once you finish, use your mirror to check how well you did. If you find you've missed a spot, repeat with the shave oil, cream and follow the growth then opposite the growth on the final round.

When you are finished, pat the cooch dry and apply either the aftershave powder, protection mist, the Barely There Miracle Oil, witch hazel or Hydrogen Peroxide will go a long way to prevent skin infections and ingrown hairs as well.

If you are leaving a little landing strip I suggest conditioning these remaining pubic hairs, there is pubic conditioner cream on the market as well but I just re-apply my Coochy Shave Cream and it seems to keep them from being to coarse pokey like.

There seems to be a few schools of thought on grooming the cooch, it depends on the person. From a hygienic point of view, the less hair you have in that area, the less odors are able to attach to the hairs. Because there's fewer hair. (Face Palm) If you choose not to shave, but want that silky smooth feel there are other options out there. Waxing, laser treatments etc... If you choose to keep all your hair, I do suggest a nice trim. Or of course, you can always go all natural. It's completely up to you and what you are comfortable with.

There are some benefits to the barely there grooming for sexual satisfaction. If you have this nest of curlies down there, it acts almost as a barrier during intercourse. Another layer hiding the already hidden and protected clitoris. One of the best orgasms a woman can have is a combo g-spot and clitoris. Plus, removing some of the hair (or all) gives your lover comfortable access when performing cunningulus, no one really wants a pube floss. (True story, I Promise)

A final note, sometimes those long wiry pokey hairs can get in places that are uncomfortable. So again, if you groom it, they will come and so will you. You don't have to go totally bare, but do fix your hair down there with the same attention you fix the hair on your head. Have fun, if you're super daring have your lover shave it for you. You can find most if not all the above mentioned products at Curvies After Midnight.

I know for some of you super groomers out there this might seem a little redundant, but I cannot even count how many times I've spoken to people who suffer from perpetual "Burning bush" and or other shaving related issues. Male grooming to follow tomorrow so hold on to your boxers or briefs guys, I'll get to you next. :D Either way, dare to be bare or keep it all there have fun, be safe and as always...



Stay curvy!!!!

XOXO