Part Two of Intimacy and Sexual Fulfillment

You can find the original post here, at www.curviesmuses.com the original blog.

In the first segment of this series we discussed communication.  While communication is highly important, we can not end it with talk, we have to take action as well.  I talk about sex and sexuality all the time, with strangers, family, friends and unknown listeners.  I can even discuss intimacy and things I'd like or my love would like but with those who are not the aforementioned lover, in these cases the intimacy stops there with the discussion.

We have to remember that the communication aspect is like giving a speech, you're expressing your ideas.  Now put that into this context, if Bill Gates, the guy that owns the world, yeah him. Or Steven Jobs? What if he only expressed his fantastic thoughts on an undeveloped program called Windows, then never took the action required to make it happen?  Seriously, where would computer technology be today?  What if Steven Jobs, choose to talk but not act?

Now sure that is a pretty grandiose example, but when you think of your long term relationship, it's pretty grandiose as well and could span several years of your life, that you can't get back.  So think of your intimate communications as a type of foreplay.  Having the discussion is enough to get me all randied up, and I'm sure I'm not alone in that aspect.

The next step is one of action.  I've been known to text the honey with an directions, date & time for us to meet.  Usually under the guise of a work related thing, but it can be just a quick meet up for lunch as well.  Now this isn't an every week thing, we can go months without either of us wanting to plot something sexy to get that fire lit again.  So I generally take advantage of this fact and set our meeting place at our local naughty store, lingerie store or one of our fabulous wineries in the area.  Now, I own an adult store, so saying "Guess what I got from UPS today?" just doesn't hold the same excitement as it did a few years ago, but it's a fabulous intro for those who shop online for their sexy toys.

I know, an awful ploy to get the honey to tell me what he thinks about this toy or that piece of lingerie.  Plus I love his reaction when we are browsing the sexy offerings.  Personally I like to schedule these sexy dates a few days in advance of our weekend so that we can each have something to think about and get us waiting breathlessly for our couples only night.

I've had a lot of people talk about spontaneity, yes yes yes.  This is fabulous, but not necessarily going to happen if you are in a sexual rut or going through a dry spell, so to speak.  The entire point of this segment is to help you get out of that funk.  BUT, spontaneity can still be a included in this.  Go through the planning process and surprise your lover with it at your time of choice, you can encourage them to do the same.  Regardless, the use of communication should take place first. Get your limits, fantasies and sexual desires expressed so you each have a basis for setting up your sexy night together.

Now, everything is set in motion.  You've discussed your desires, plotted out some fun time whether together or alone, had a sexy pre-date meeting, gathered all your supplies or sexy wear, planned a pre/post sensual snack, set the mood with lighting and some sexy scents in the air.  Now all that is left is to show up, explore and enjoy each other.

What are you waiting for?  It's a considerably small amount of time to plan a sexy play date.  What is mind numbing sex worth to you?  It doesn't have to cost you a penny to get intimate with your lover.  More often than not answering the door when my honey comes home in nothing but my favorite heels and a smile does the trick.

Intimacy and great sex takes a little bit of effort, but it is so worth it!  No one is born being a great lover, no one is born knowing how to act in an intimate relationship.  It's well worth the effort and the pay out in the end will blow your mind!

So stop reading this, set your pre sexy time meeting, and show up!!!!  Of course and as always...


Stay Curvy
XOXO

Sooooooo did any one see...

the last episode of Big Bang Theory?



Looks like I'm not the only one enjoying Kinky Clause! It dawned on me, that this has been the prevalent undercurrent in their relationship nearly from the beginning. Sheldon (♥ him) is the uber-controlling near (or not) megalomaniac and Amy (♥♥ her) is the happy to make him happy subject herself to his whim. (Not saying that all Dom's are megalomaniac, just in this particular case) It fits so well for them.

How funny that I never really saw that coming. When I've had to explain the subtle (and not so subtle) ways of Sheldon to the honey (Second language and all, he misses the intricacies sometimes) I've always just termed him to be that guy who has no unconscious filter. You know, that pesky thing in our brain that tells us to zip it or to stop talking.

But alas, now I have this mental picture of Shelly (Sheldon) decked out in some leather garb wielding a paddle to the rump of a prostrate bound and gagged Amy. Really, it just won't go away. Then I get a little teary thinking Sheldon & Amy may just be kinkier than I!!!!!! Well my lovelies, Challenge Accepted.

Anyhooo, be sure to tune in tomorrow for our next episode in the Kinky Clause segment. Sex Talk with Curvy We go live Saturday, December 8th at 10:00pm CST.

Get your kinky on, accept the sexuality challenge and as always...

Stay Curvy

XOXO

I have something special for my lovelies

Just in time for the holidays!

Elene Sallinger has written one of the sexiest erotic novels I've ever read.

Elene Sallinger is a lover of all things lingual, a warrior of words, and a vixen of vocabulary. Her goal is to titillate, provoke, empower and move you with her work which ranges from the erotic to the dramatic and everything in between.

Elene is also the author of At Long Last available on Smashwords, and the upcoming full-length, erotic novel Doing DC from UStar Novels.

You got it, Elene Sallinger is joining us on Sex Talk with Curvy on the 22nd of December. Be sure to tune in.

I mentioned in an earlier post starting to read Awakening, I finished it in one setting, thanks to my Kindle I read in bed next to the honey. It was terribly difficult to let the man sleep through my randy read. I was mighty tempted to wake him up a couple times and say "Read, Do .... NOW" ;) (ya'll know what I'm talkin' about)

But I don't want to give too much away here, because we are gonna get to talk to the woman behind the words! Ohhhhhh I so can't wait!

If you haven't read Awakening yet, you can find it on Amazon. They have it on kindle and if you don't have a kindle you can get the kindle app for your phone.

Get the book, read & be randy :) stay sexy and as always...

Stay Curvy
XOXO

Anger vs Domination

I did the episode last night and kicked off Kinky Clause. One question however bothered me from the time I received it to now. It's one of those questions that just stick in someone's head and irritates the crap out of them until they've either vented it completely or gone mad fussing over it. I've said before I'm a little on the OCD side so once I get my teeth into something, it's nearly impossible for me to let it go. Call it a compulsion. Plus I really want to clear the air regarding abuse and a Dom/sub relationship.

So lets start with the quality of life and the differences between being in an abusive relationship and being in a Dom/sub relationship.

Abuse is the non-consensual violence perpetrated by one half of a couple against the other half of the couple. It is a form of control that can include physical violence, emotional violence, financial abuse, sexual abuse and verbal violence. The key word here is NON-CONSENSUAL. That means without negotiation and express permission to act in this fashion. The quality of life for the person being abused, is one of fear, neglect, terror and pain. The quality of life for the abuser is one filled with guilt, fear (of being exposed), uncontrollable anger and emotion, lack of control.

Now, lets take a peekiepoo at the dynamics of a Dom/sub relationship. From my research and discussions with those in the BDSM community I have gained a whole new understanding of what initially appeared to be abuse in the grossest form. Let's first look at the Dom. This Dominant partner has negotiated and expressed their need for control in what ever aspects of the relationship they desire control. They have an agreement with their partner that they can do ______ and control ______. Whatever this may be. The Dominant has a clear idea of what he or she needs from the relationship and expresses it in a non-threatening manner with the spirit of negotiation. A Dominant must be able to maintain a level self-control during their "play" time or other designated and agreed upon portion of their relationship. From my understanding a Dominant should, if not must, be aware of his or her partners physical, mental and emotional well-being and respect the boundaries that have been negotiated and agreed upon.

This is wholly different than that of an abuser who isn't required to adhere to a safe word, whose intention to generally to inflict as much damage on their unwilling partner as they can without concern for their partners physical, mental or emotional well-being.

The submissive in the Dom/sub relationship seeks out a partner who they negotiate and agree upon the parameters of their relationship. He/She submits, and certainly desires an able Dominant. They need on some primal level that outside control. They find in themselves some emotional and physical release in their submission.

Again this is wholly different from that of an abuse victim. A victim of abuse is often taken unawares that this could even happen to them. They haven't sought it out, they aren't necessarily interested in it and are certainly fearful of the what's next. For them they are fearful of staying as well as of escaping. They find themselves trapped against their will.

Now the question that brought on this particular rant was something to the tune of "I get angry easy, does that make me a Dominant?" As well as the snarky judgy pant lady who has been so vocal regarding this particular segment. So my answer for this was a categorical Hells to da NOOOO, the fact that you have anger issues has no bearing on whether or not you're a Dominant. It does however mean that you need to establish some control over yourself and your emotions.

Anyhow, these are just my thoughts on the differences between abuse and a Dom/sub relationship. Now in any relationship there can be issues, in every culture or community there are those asshats who just can't help themselves and take advantage of their position or power. No matter your vanilla or other sometimes people just don't know how to act right. So here are some red flags for any relationship.

1) Separation from family and friends. This tactic is used by abusers to ensure that their victims have little to no resources available to them for either escape or a support system.

2) Financial control. Financial control can take many forms, one being that the victim is forced to leave employment making them totally dependant on the abuser. The other can be financial manipulation, where the victims income is recklessly abused, hidden from or otherwise taken out of his or her control without their consent.

3) Limited Communications. Abusers often will take control of the ability to have outside communications. They will unplug or lock the phone lines, inspect your private cellular or take them away, limit internet access, limit outside interactions.

4) The prevalence of violence or threat of unwanted violence. I put in here UNWANTED violence, I have a hard time to express the variations of people's sexual and non sexual desires what may appear to be violence to one might be a complete turn on and sexual or other need for another. So unwanted is the key word here. For example, if I like and have expressed my desire to my husband to spank me for whatever reason, this is not unwanted. Though for another person the sheer idea of a spanking is considered by them unwanted violence. Threats fall into the same category as actual physical violence, for some hearing the words "If you do ____, I will spank you." is a complete turn on conversely it drips fear into the hearts of others.

5) Blame. If your partner consistently blames you for their bad or unwanted behavior this is a way for them to rid their own soul and is called transference. Now, in a Dom/sub relationship the lines here can be blurry. I learned of a type of submissive/nonsubmissive called a Brat. (Yes, my producer said I was one. LOL) In many ways, we learn from mistakes and the consequences that are the result. As a child we learned that if we do ____ we get ____ as a punishment or reward. I think its irresponsible to think that this learning process ceases to exist as we get to age of majority. Using blame in a traditional relationship is a form of manipulation because both parties are not privy to the aspects of the relationship. There has been no negotiation, no agreement and lastly no express role identification established.

Anyway you cut it, what gets me going is not necessarily what is required to get everyone else going, people are dynamic, relationships are unique and unless we are in it we really can't know the entirety of the story. All we can do is establish an atmosphere of honesty, communication and respect within our own relationships.

Establishing firstly what we want or need out of a relationship, communicating those wants and needs to our partners, and being honest in those communications with both ourselves and our partners. Finally we have to stop comparing one to another, the most fabulous thing in this life is the diversity of all it's participants.

So get honest with yourself, establish what YOU need and want, communicate that honestly with your lover, stay sexy and as always...


Stay Curvy
XOXO

Our Kinky Clause Kick off...

So, here is the kick off episode of Kinky Clause... Sir Jim had me turning every shade of pink possible! What a fun one and just so naughty! ;)

Listen to internet radio with Sex Talk with Curvy on Blog Talk Radio

Hope you take a listen and enjoy the show! Stay sexy my lovelies and until next time...

Stay Curvy
XOXO

Back to Kinky Clause

and my purely scientific investigation of BDSM. (Fine, that's a lie but whatever). I've been reading The Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taormino. This book is pretty fascinating and has the various segments written by "Masters" in their respective techniques, such as Midori, Lolita Wolf, Laura Antoniou and Madison Young.

It's broken down into nice bite size pieces that even I can handle and absorb into my tiny brain. Not to mention it's extremely well written. It's like Tristan has brought together the rock stars of the BDSM community. There is so much information out there regarding this particular community. A large percentage of it from what I can tell is a little on the skeevy side but there are some genuine people willing and able to teach and impart their knowledge on the subject. This book is definitely on my recommendation list.

I'm also reading Awakening by Elene Sallinger, a second piece of erotic fiction after finally making it through the second book in the FSOG series. (Sorry, I still like these. It's an easy read and I just substitute my own words for her redundant descriptives) Though I have found some similarities, "Stilling" is used in this work as well as is the whole biting her lower lip bringing a raging woody to the uber-hot un-attainable Dom. It causes me to wonder, is this how it starts for single ladies out there discovering their kink? It seems to be a popular trend in fiction, that's for certain.

I've discussed with the honey the prospect of getting a little hands on in my "research", ahem, yeah, that's it Research! I've had him read some of my reading list and tell me what he thinks. I also directed him to the CEPE page posted in an earlier post. Poor thing forgot his English and I'm still uncertain exactly how he responded verbally, but the physical response was well, lets just say exciting. He is an angel and thankfully he goes right along with me in what ever hair-brained sex-capade I get distracted with or my flavor of the month.

I do find it intimidating, even a little scary. I'm pretty type A personality, OCD, clean freak, and what did my producer call me, oh yeah, a germaphobe (not sure that's a word but anyhoo). I do struggle with what "role" I closely identify with. In life I'm pretty much a very dominant personality I control all within my tiny universe (or think I do anyway). Hence the confusion. A Dominant as in the D of the D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship just isn't necessarily something I'm comfortable with. In point of fact, I think I would more closely relate to the submissive in this aspect. Perhaps it's BECAUSE I tend to control so many of the other aspects of our lives, I seek the reprieve from decision-making, scheduling etc... Or perhaps I'm confusing the roles completely.

This establishment of roles and guidelines is essential in the community, as well as of course CONSENT. But then there are other roles, one is termed a Switch. Yup, like a switch hitter for all you baseball fans or others. Anyhoo, I may be over thinking this and making it more difficult than it needs or really is. (Not a shocker, I still use a thermometer to boil water, don't judge me! :D )

Or perhaps it's not necessarily ME I'm concerned about. In a LTR (long-term relationship) that has been relatively vanilla for years outside a little spank and tickle, is it even feasible to think that established life roles can be adjusted for pure sexual satisfaction and exploration? I don't know the answer. It's odd how once we start to look out our sexual desires, they soon become needs.

As I said before, I'm pretty Type A. I can tell you exactly where something is in my home without even looking or thinking because everything has its place. (as long as no one has moved it on me, drives me nuts!) My honey is so relaxed and laid back with me, that it may be part of the reason I'm so dominant in my role as wife and business partner. Yet, let anyone else step wonky to either of us and the fury of the G_ds looks like a happy place to anyone who crosses him. Maybe, I am already in a submissive role and simply don't recognize it for what it is? Perhaps the power exchange that is so prevalent in the BDSM community is merely an illusion, a consensual and albeit convincing one, but still an illusion. Is it possible to be both Dominant and submissive? Is it possible to relinquish control to gain control? Is it possible that one can be so focused on task that they unwittingly become submissive in that action? Maybe I'm just the perfect sub to honeys Dom tendencies or is it the other way around?

Maybe as we seek out our partners we find that perfect mix of I want this, that and the other that when we find it the power exchange is made without our even realizing it. This is one of the reasons I think I'm so intrigued by the BDSM culture. He wanted a wife who was driven to succeed, extremely clean, with a mind for business and adventurous with a big ole bootay. I wanted the strong, silent, pick me up when I fall & treat me like a Queen, Knight in Shining Armor.

Again, maybe just maybe this is part of the discovery process. Perhaps I need to spend more time thinking about, pondering and musing over sexuality. (As IF, I don't do it enough already) Perhaps everyone needs to take a moment regularly and think about sex and their desires. No more dead bedroom issues, no more unsatisfactory outcomes, no more "I wish ____ would _____." Has western culture deprived us of our ability to be sexual creatures comfortably? Maybe we have allowed it so long that for some sex is more perfunctory than pleasure. Have we been convinced that sensation and the experience of physical sensation is reduced to good vs bad?

The techniques and the level of communication is still astounding to me. I love it, I really love it! I may find myself stagnated in this spot of role definition but talking about the variety of kink has taken over our sexy bed time talk so we shall see. Maybe I need to get out the chocolate syrup to mix up our vanilla. Or I may just accidentally bring home some product to try out before it gets to go on the store site. :D (Career with bene's IJS)

Perhaps kink is like a seed, it may or may not grow it just depends on whether or not you water it. Either way, it appears the more I learn the more questions I have. You know curiosity and the cat? I feel like one in a room full of rocking chairs! But it's an interesting escapade and I am really enjoying the journey and the lovely people I've gotten to meet and talk with.

One thing I will say about this adventure is that while I'm still uncommitted to the lifestyle, it sure has been enlightening and at the least has brought out some questions and aren't they really the pave-stones of the paths we choose?

This Saturday kicks off our Kinky Clause, there are 5 segments each Saturday in December at 10:00pm. This segment may be extended based on the interest and request of readers and listeners alike. The link to this weekends show is Sex Talk with Curvy Due to scheduling conflict, the initial show will be re-aired on its scheduled date rather than live. If you have any questions for our guest, please get them in to me as soon as possible.

So grab the water hose, spray me down, stay sexy, tune in for our kinky clause segments and as always...

Stay Curvy
XOXO

To bare

or not to bare... This is the question. There are a lot of ways to bare yourself to your lover. But the baring I'm talking about is the body bare. ;) getting' nakie, nude, naked, without clothing, baring the goodies, flashing the stuff, showing the cookie. How ever you term it getting naked in front of our lovers can be both exhilarating and intimidating. (Unless you're a professional model or dancer! IJS)

Awesome image post on tumblr by SlowRider655

Now I can only write from the aspect of a woman, but I have to imagine that the gamut of emotions we run through when getting naked has to be similar to that of what men must go through as well. It's serious business getting naked in front of someone. (and big business as well) It takes some courage and for me at least took a few years of small steps to get comfortable just being naked in the presence of my honey outside the purpose of sex that is.

It's relatively easy to get naked for sex, but being naked and getting naked just for the sake of being and getting naked is a stretch for most people I talk with. Also, appropriate times for nakedness can be hard to come by if you have a family. IJS, no one really wants to sit down at the dinner table on fried chicken night with nakedness all about. Now desert night while the kids are at camp, sure go for it.

I think it may be more our culture that makes us weary of being naked just for the sake of being naked. Yet, we are bombarded with near nudity fairly regularly, we contend back and forth about the human form and what should and should not be displayed. We can all appreciate the human body in one way or another it's a beautiful thing.

We find ourselves easily getting naked to shower or bathe, near naked for a dip in the pool or beach, and lingerie only adds to the sexiness of our naked. Still, getting naked just to be naked is something that we often avoid, don't ever even think about or find ourselves skeeved out by the suggestion. Now, I've read lots of material on the benefits of being naked, brought to you by the good people who gave us the Kama Sutra (you're welcome). I've also read a mountain of Cosmo's giving us instruction on how to strip etc...

I forever it seemed would try these tips and tricks only to fall flat on my face, dive beet red under the covers or make a mad dash to the light switch to turn it off. It wasn't until I decided to just be naked for a half an hour every other day for no reason other than being naked. It's a strange thing to think about and make a conscious decision to do I know, hello, Hi, I'm me, have we met?

Anyhoo, I did this only for me and not for any sexual purpose, trust me. Honey came home, found me naked as a jaybird sprawled out on the chaise reading a book on JavaScript having a peppermint mocha and listening to Etta James. NOT IN MY PLANS for the day. Nor was the explanation as to why exactly I was in the condition mentioned earlier. But he's French, and I'm odd so the end result was both of us sprawled out naked on the chaise, sharing (not happy about) my peppermint mocha, reading our respective pieces of literature (or instruction) listening to Etta James. This was 5 years into our relationship and he mentioned that he had never actually seen me lights on, no reason, relaxed & just naked. He said it was the most beautiful image he ever saw and of course this led to sex, but aside from that it was the naturality of the state I was in that was the beauty of it all.

I've said it a million times, I'm a curvy chicka, big butt & boobs with thick thighs. So for me, being comfortable in the nude was hard to do, at first. It took a lot to be able to stand in front of a full length mirror naked and see all the flaws and self-perceived imperfections. I'll never be a super model, nor a not so super model, but for the most part becoming comfortable naked was for me:

Learning to accept my body (easier said than done)
Doing everything I can to be healthy (eating well and exercise)
Accepting that we are all built differently (any image will show this fact, accepting it meh, that's iffy)

I got to review all my scars. Yes snakes do bite people on the butt when they are peeing in the woods. (IJS) Yes, scratching poison ivy relentlessly for days on end will end up in scaring the skin. Yes small dogs teeth attached to an ankle does scar. Finally, yes that random puberty induced zit that you pick at will leave a scar. Then the honey and I got to spend time comparing scars and laughing at the memories. It was this second that I became comfortable with being naked, in more that the physical way, with another person. It's the best feeling in the world! It's being vulnerable, honest, open and naked!!!!

So I've put together my lists of 5's: Five things that keep us from being naked for no reason, Five benefits of being naked for no reason, Five ways to get comfortable being naked for no reason. Buckle up, here we go...

Five things that keep us from being naked for no reason.

1. Self Perception. The way we see ourselves is often in the harshest light possible. We are so prone to see only our flaws, anything else I was taught was vanity. So I say to hell with that, we all have the right to love ourselves; flaws, scars, curves, beauty all of it and all at the same time.

2. The way we believe others see us. This is a big one, and hard to get past. Simply put if someone is in that close of a proximity to you and they are judging you on your body, show em the door and be naked when you do it!

3. Privacy. Yes, being naked should probably be done in private space. Though, in many cultures naked is accepted and good. It's the level of prudishness that our society has placed on us that makes this a requirement. I can talk about how easy it is to walk nude on a beach in France, except I can't because it's so ingrained in my psyche that I can't do it.

4. Appropriateness. Is it ok to be naked for reasons other than washing and sex? I wouldn't suggest standing over the fireplace or splitting wood in the nude. No need to watch the newest scooby doo with your kiddies in the nude, but outside of exposing yourself to children or the unsuspecting neighbor WHY NOT?

5. Comfort. It's easier to be comfortable in a pair of yoga pants and loose-fitting t-shirt, sure, but you're not naked.

Five benefits of being naked for no reason.

1. Confidence. If you can get comfortable being in your own skin, and I mean only your skin, your confidence level is forced to rise, begrudgingly perhaps. Lets face it, we wear things to accentuate the positive, to bring out those parts of us we are comfortable with. Being nude for no reason puts it all out there, our small or large butts and our knobby knees or what ever part we keep trying to hide.

2. Air. Exposed skin absorbs more nutrients! Also, being without clothing allows your skin to BREATHE. Without air, we would die and when we leave the largest organ (our skin) bound up covered with layer upon layer or air blocking clothes our skin suffocates. Clothing also "holds in" natural body odors, causes sweat to become stale and stinky. Fresh air combats the odor molecules that can accumulate on the skin and in our body hair.

3. UV Light. If you know of or suffer from the "Winter Blues", this is a vitamin D deficiency that happens because the sun is out for shorter periods. The skin transforms sun light into vitamin D and in turn vitamin D helps the body to regulate calcium & phospahte levels. AND (yes there's more) The light that gives you a tan also destroys the bacteria that gives you acne.

4. Blood flow. Bra straps, tight elastic bands, tight-fitting anything restricts the blood flow. Better blood flow and circulation is key to a healthy heart.

5. Weight. Metabolism and digestion are improved because the waist is not in a constant state of being bound. Organs are able to shift to their pre-restrictive clothing permitted positions. The mental and emotional benefit also increases our desire to exercise & eat right(Double edged sword there).

Five ways to get comfortable being naked for no reason.

1. Take small steps in private. You have to be comfortable with yourself before you will be able to be comfortable in the presence of another person while nude.

2. Spend a moment after your shower or bath. Let your body air dry, less those parts that take too long (under the breast, the genital, between the toes) This is not only good for the skin, but it gives you those few moments being naked for no reason other than you have to dry off!

3. Find something beautiful about your own body. Focus on this. Adore this. Let your confidence grow in this one area and watch it seed and grow throughout your body. All things start pretty small, confidence is the same in this aspect. It can be as simple as a small beauty mark that sits in an alluring place, your eyes, what ever it is. Every person has something about them that is beautiful!

4. Sleeping nude or near nude. Take a short nap if you sleep with a partner, and do it nude. If you can't do this, find something as close to nude as you can get. A huge t-shirt and no skivvies will work. OR talk to your partner, see how they feel about having a nude night in bed. Not necessarily for sex, but for sleeping. Sleeping with a partner in the nude is less intimidating that standing in front of them in the nude, you can pull that sheet in close and have a modicum of coverage but YOU are still nude.

5. Exfoliate, groom, mani/pedi and tint if necessary. Keeping the skin exfoliated is a huge part in keeping us comfortable in the nude. Grooming goes a long way in creating a higher comfort level, even for those out there who choose a natural state, trimming is a great practice. Mani/Pedi both men and women can benefit from this, keeping our hands and feet well maintained just feels good. I love extending a well manicured hand when meeting someone (with my clothes on!). Tint, we all have to moisturize our skin, if you have uneven skin tone or texture, there are some great tinted moisturizers that are body safe. There's an old saying, if you can't tone it, tan it. True statement.

So get naked, get comfortable, stay sexy and as always...


Stay Curvy
XOXO

Devling into

"fringes" of sex and sexuality...

Now the jury is out on whether or not I like the term "Fringe" but as in all things, fringe tends to be that close to the edge... thing. Whether it be a fringe science, a fringe religion or fringe sex. It's generally considered outside the norm. According to dictionary.com fringe is "Not part of the mainstream; unconventional, peripheral, or extreme" so I guess it applies here. The only issue I have with it is I believe it marginalizes an entire population of practitioners of "fringe sex".

So what is fringe sex?

Urban Dictionary say this:
1. fringe sex
The act of using one's fringe in order to give somebody sexual pleasure.
Particularly enjoyed by those who harbour a rather unusual fetish for fringes, fringe sex works best with a long straight fringe that can more easily be wrapped around the genitals.

MMMMMMMk, so let's go with my definition of fringe sex instead. (I might need to start a dictionary of my own for my made up words and such) *snore*

Fringe sex, in my opinion is any sexual act that exists outside the societal norm. Societal norm being the traditional man/woman, monogamous, whose on top type act. So it is very broad reaching. It can include all things outside the norm, homosexual, Bi-sexuality, BDSM, fetish, polygamy, threesomes, foursomes, moresomes, latex, food sex and the list goes on.

A lot of attention, due to some wildly popular publications of recent, has been shed on one fringe community as whole of late. I'm not entirely certain of how comfortable the community is being placed in this rather harsh light of suspicion, judgement and intrigue. That community is BDSM, and let me tell you in my research I have had the pleasure of meeting some pretty awesome practitioners. Shockingly they are less judgmental of me than most of society is of them. I'd like to take just a moment and relay what I've learned so far. We're working on a series of broadcasts to come in December and January with some experienced, intelligent practitioners. Here is the link to the show Sex Talk with Curvy.

It's here where I want to chronicle here my experiences with the culture as a whole. I also want to say, if you are stone cold set against any and/or all aspects of fringe sex, BDSM, Scene play etc... Just go ahead and find something else you will be more comfortable reading because this blog might not be comfortable for you. There is no reason for hate or judgement etc... To each their own, I promise not to judge you based on your ideals, experiences or desires and only ask the same in return.

So let me start by how this idea came to me. I was one of the last people to read the phenom Fifty Shades of Grey. (Slacker, I know, but work and such took precedence) Speaking of work, I've been in the adult industry for years. I started out doing home pleasure parties and have recently only expanded onto the world wide web with my estore etc... Blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. I do know what it's like to have someone ask what you do for a living and you have to come up with some way to gently explain, "Hey, I sell dildos and butt plugs, ya want one?" So the awkward silences that usually follow my common answer "I sell adult items to individuals and couples who are looking to add some other dimensions into their sex life and increase their levels of intimacy. I also do sexuality and intimacy sessions to help individuals as well as couples increase their awareness. I try to provide them with the tools they need to sustain a healthy sex life and intimacy within their relationship." are not that new to me.

Being in the adult industry, I have always known about fringe sex, but I never really knew it. Back to how this came to me, I was one of the people who couldn't understand the venom directed at FSOG by some members of the BDSM community as well as so many others. I thought, well it's great, women and men alike are inspired by this to explore their sexuality. How can this be bad? I'm not even sure where to start.

Sure it got people into exploring the kinkier side of sex. The majority of the BDSM community (I've talked to) doesn't have a problem with this per se. That is where the exposure and mild appreciation ends. Yup, that's pretty much it. I'm not doing a book review here, so I'll move on.

I was at a party several weekends ago and had on display all my cool Fifty Shades display merchandise as well as the trilogy. Super great sellers. When I had a gal come to me and asked if I realized I was promoting abuse and rape. Say whaaaaa? I never looked at it that way, I've always understood that the entirety of the community and participant interaction is based on consent. Now, I would never promote these things, I despise these acts, these crime against humanity. So it was rather shocking to me to be accused of promoting it.

In point of fact a few weeks prior to this accusation, I had scheduled another radio broadcast to air on the 10th of November. This particular show is about Sexual Trauma and recovery. So NO Miss Snarky Judgy pants lady I do not promote abuse or rape. When your head exits your ass, you might be able to see the light and stop with the judgements that are so off target. IJS

Anyhoo, this was the very second, after my deer in the headlights look and failed WTF response that I decided to explore this community, this culture. My first step in doing so was to visit Reddit's BDSMcommunity site and did some snooping. After doing some reading, posts and responses, articles etc... I thought to myself these are generally normal, healthy people. *Not scared* So I posted just a few days ago that I was looking for participants on a radio broadcast to shed some light and dispel some myth regarding the BDSM community. I got a few snarky pm's, but for the most part the responses were positive and open.

Again, I have only a loose understanding of even the meaning of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism). There is an entire myriad of other understandings. I had always added in there Dominance and Submission but according to Wikipedia it's not there. So here is the beginning of my confusion. The definition seems to be open to interpretation, I am learning that it depends on who you talk to.

One of my first responders was an individual who identified themselves as a bottom. Huh? So, there are Tops and bottoms as well. I believe there is some importance given to the capitalization of Top/Dom and bottom/sub as well but I've yet to have confirmations. Moving on, this individual I've yet to receive a response after my PM saying something to the tune of "great here's my personal email, please send me a short bio... etc " I'm chatty so there were probably 10,000 more words there that I forgot, I'm assuming that I scared the individual off. (Alas, assume does start with the word ASS, so I could be wrong, consider this my disclaimer)

The second response I got was something like "No one is going to talk to you without knowing what the interview will be like." or something to that effect. I thought, they are right! How insensitive of me. Yadda Yadda Yadda. I should have approached the topic with a little more sensitivity considering the light to which has been shined on the community and probably less like, well, me. Any how, the responder suggested another person who might be interested, so I went for it. :D Sent this other person an email.

Again it went something like the previously mentioned, tact is NOT my strong point. Deal with it, I have to. This person responded and was a complete joy to e-verse (yes, it's made up too. An email conversation = e-verse) with. I will admit that I was a little shaken when they identified themselves as a Sadist. I thought I couldn't get thrown, yet the word itself invoked in me almost a feeling akin to terror. (I watch entirely too much CSI and the like) I can deal with the term Dominant, Dom. etc... There, at this moment, seems something less threatening in that term. (at least I think I can, which more often than not, isn't the case) So after I changed my panties, I emailed the individual again. Was probably more chatty than usual (shocking right) but I was oddly compelled to show my worthiness and ability to conduct the interview in a manner befitting the community. I wanted the individual to like me, to grace me with their presence in the interview. So we shall see if I babbled my way into an awesome interview or right on out the damn door.

That's pretty odd for me, usually, I'm quite the opposite. There has never been anything stand, for long anyway, in my way when I wanted to go after something. I'm a little on the tenacious side. Or mule ass stubborn as my grandmother said. My honey even commented that I seemed a little thrown off my game. So it must have been bad, if he felt he should comment on it. He generally, just lets me be me and is happy when I'm acting my goofy self.

Thirdly there was a super excited response from an individual who identified themselves as a sub (submissive). I immediately liked this person and their excitement to share and dispel some of the misconceptions. Again, through e-verse I might have talked my way in or out of another awesome interview, I can only wait and see.

Then I went for a ride through FetLife. WOW um, ok sure. I had to take off my own judgy panties for this experience. FetLife isn't just BDSM, it's a whole lot more and some of the threads completely skeeved me out to the point of showering and diving into my power puff girls thermal jammies and into bed with the honey. Almost hiding under the covers. So for the sake of, well, me I'll just take this slow and yes, there will be some fetishes that I'll completely avoid because I just can't go there. No, won't go there. But there is a very active, welcoming & I dare say thriving BDSM population on FetLife. I even joined a group, the comfy chair. So let's just pretend I did not see some of the threads I did, and get the bleach for my brain. I might have gotten damaged. (puppies kitties and rainbows, puppies kitties and rainbows)

I'm approaching this entire series with an open mind and a desire to show the humanity of it all. I pride myself in saying I'm a humanist and as long as it's legal and with a willing partner I'm cool with it. This is still true, but again only for those things between participants of majority age who have given their willing consent to be engaged in such a manner. I'm so excited to get to do this exploration, probably more for myself that I will ever admit.

It's strange how utterly inviting it is to me, how oddly attracted I am to this topic. So we shall see how things either progress or digress. Many female readers of FSOG have found themselves empowered to explore some sexuality fringes, while others were completely disgusted with the entirety of the series. I will admit, it made me curious and a little randy. Even Dr. Ruth said she would sleep with Mr. Grey, the male figure in shades! (I'm not even sure what to call him now. Is he a Dominant or a Sadist? Or something else. I just don't know)

So this is going to be fun, exciting and a learning experience for me and I will share it with you all. Stay safe, stay sexy and as always...

Stay Curvy

XOXO