Oh yes, intimacy is more than hot sweaty sex it is an art form & most of us have to start out with finger paints before we create a master piece in our relationships. I have to think this is why Toby Masters, my 2nd grade "husband" broke up with me for that little play ground home wrecker Amy Whatsherface, he didn't like my finger paints.... But I digress.
Intimacy as defined by Websters is:
1: the state of being intimate : familiarity
2: something of a personal or private nature
Like so many terms today intimacy is attached to so many menial phrases. "We are intimate" = "We have sex", "We are having an intimate party" = "We are only inviting close friends" yadda yadda yadda
Intimacy in a relationship transcends these trivialities. Hook-ups will always be hook-ups, good relationships can end. True intimacy goes beyond your relationship status & straight into your very being. I have never spoken to an unhappy intimate couple. I have spoken to unhappy couples who still have sex and some who don't, either way intimacy was the lacking element in their relationships.
Break out your chocolate body paints & lets start this master piece. Get your destination (the O) out your mind & concentrate on the journey.
Start with looking at your partner, this is the first thing any good artist will do is admire his or her subject. Use your eyes, this incorporates 20% of your pleasure. Admire your partner's body, the way it moves and curves, the way his or her clothes slide off & puddle to the floor. Look at their expressions, are they shy & reserved or do they strut & flaunt it for you? Direct your visual show & allow yourself to be directed by your partner.
Now, that you have taken in your partner visually use your sense of smell to inhale your partner. Smell his or her hair, their freshly cleaned body, the smell of their breath. After all, how can one truly appreciate a rose if they have never smelled its scent. This may be the most subtle of human senses in our relations. After all, it's the pheromones our bodies exude that is the first in a long line of chemical reactions that lead us to our partners. Yes, we sniff them out, intuitively.
Next, use your ears. Listen to your partners voice, this is a great exercise in sexy talk & a great way to get some verbal ques from your partner as to how to proceed. Ask them what they fantasize about, what they want you to do to them & what they want to do to you. Listen to how their breath has started to come more rapidly the more turned on they get, listen to how their heart beats just a little bit faster.
You're almost there, now its time to use your sense of taste, wait for a moment to incorporate your sense of touch & just taste your partner. Use your mouth to explore those erogenous zones: the neck, shoulders, back, belly and legs. Leave sweet sexy kisses all over their bodies & savor their taste. This is meant to be sexy, soft & sensual not a lick fest. Leave your partner shivering with anticipation, not dripping saliva, seriously eeewwww, we don't like that.
Ok now you can touch, don't grab or flounder around being clumsy, you've got this beautiful piece of artwork, don't screw it up trying to finish it right away. Lightly run your finger from your lovers spine to their buttocks down their arms and legs. Use a feather or ice to see how their bodies respond to your touch.
Now is the time when both you & your partner are incorporating all 5 senses; time for you to put the final touches on your master piece.
This is one great way to increase intimacy. The sheer act of incorporating yours & their senses into the bedroom (or kitchen, shower, minivan what ever) will lead to more satisfying foreplay & extremely gratifying sex! It's easy to do, your partner will appreciate & participate in your little sensory exploration, then you get the real goodies!
Think of intimacy as art, understand though it's not a paint by numbers project. You'll improve with each stroke (hehe yeah, I meant that) & each sensory exploration you & your partner engage in. Have fun, be creative, be spontaneous & be artistic but most importantly...