Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Intimacy and Chemistry

We hear a lot about chemistry. But how does it relate to intimacy and how do we keep that chemical cocktail fresh in a long-term relationship?

A huge part of a couples chemistry lies in their basic level of communication. As with all communication, it starts with the largest sex organ in the human body, the brain. So often I'm harping on communication, communication, COMMUNICATION. Even in some of the research I'm doing on upcoming segments, I'm still amazed at the practices of communication that are in some circles a set baseline for relationships.

Now, communication can be many things to many different people. I communicate daily with hundreds of people regarding sex and sexual issues. On the surface this is intimate, but in actuality, it's not. It's almost clinical. We can chat with our girlfriends about sex and while it's an intimate subject, and with our intimate girlfriends it's still a far cry from being that intimate communication with our lovers.

It's one thing to say I'd really like ____ to try this with me to a friend or counselor. But at times saying I'd like you to do this ____ to me tonight when you get home, is a bit more difficult. There is a safety issue. What will my partner think of me? Will they still love me? How will this change my relationship? It is a huge step in communication and an even larger step in chemistry department.

It's through this intimate communication that we can maintain, and even grow our chemical connection to our partners. One way we can increase our chemistry is by some sexy talk, expressing our fantasies to our lovers. Chemistry in an intimate relationship is created through intimate communication.

A sexy text, note or message throughout the day can go a long way to creating some chemistry between you and your partner. This is part of expressing ourselves, both as partners as well as sexual beings.

Another way to ensure and even increase the chemistry is to always try to look your best. Look, I get it, times are tough, stress levels are high, the demands on our time are relentless. BUT, we can choose to ignore ourselves and our appearance and run the risk of losing it all together or we can MAKE time for ourselves and keeping our appearance nice to look at. It's pretty simple, we are all mammals, and mammals are generally attracted to other mammals who offer ideal genetic materials for procreation. That's the science, here's the real deal. If you are in a long-term relationship and have fallen into that married pudgy, half leg shave, wearing the mickey mouse sweatshirt with a little vomit still on it from the baby earlier this afternoon, girlfriend you gotta get out of that.

Don't even begin to think that guys don't fall into that as well. They used to put on cologne to meet us for coffee, shave, shower and pick out some decent clothes to wear upon our dates.

Attractiveness does go both ways and it is truly up to each individual within this partnership to keep their side of this unspoken deal up. I understand that it's hard with the obligations of life and family to think of ourselves. It might even look like vanity to some. But I think most women will agree, how they feel is based on how they feel they look. We've been told that it's vanity, we've been warned not to be that "high maintenance" woman, it's been made ok to let ourselves go after marriage. Well, it's not. We're not. And only to a certain extent is it ok.

One way to ensure your attractiveness to you mate is to know what particular body part they like, are they a leg man, a butt man etc... this does go both ways guys, we ladies like and are attracted to different body parts as well. I know we often say it's "his eyes" or "his smile" but most of us secretly are checking out other parts as well. Me, I love me some strong thighs on a man. Don't get me wrong, upper body strength is important, but I think that strong, thick, healthy, hard thighs are awesome. There's several reasons, the prevalent one today is in the event of a zombie attack, if, as I'm running in my 6 inch spiked heel boots and twist my ankle, will my partner be able to effectively toss me over his shoulder and run us both to safety? IJS. Spindly male thighs, can't run as far or as fast during a zombie attack and I run the risk of limping off on my own and being forced to tarzanna up a tree and through the overhead branches again risking more life and limb to get away. It's a survival strategy. True story. Anyhooo...

Find out what part your lover likes and accentuate that. If he (or she) is a thigh lover, get those jeans on that are a little snug (not tight, again zombies, getting away, tight-fitting restrictive movement jeans not a good scenario) around the thigh or wear that short skirt with some thigh high stockings. There is nothing wrong with drawing attention to the part or parts of your body that your lover likes.

A second tip to increase chemistry in your relationship is the simplest one of all. LOOK AT EACH OTHER! We tend to stop doing this as we are inundated with the demands of life, we might end up spending our sit down meal time watching our toddlers to make sure they stop feeding spaghetti to the parrot rather than looking and conversing with our partners.

One technique you can use to increase intimacy and bonding while looking at your partner is to look straight into their pupils. You can tell a lot about your lovers level of interest by checking out their pupils. A persons pupils will increase in size or dilate when they are interested or turned on. Conversely, they will constrict when your lover loses interest or become disturbed.

Looking directly into your lovers eyes or a lovers gaze has been the bedrock of love stories, erotic art and poetry since man and woman have had the power of conversation and expression. It's also hugely erotic and full of promise. So try it. Stop having that conversation over band-width battling laptops, look at each other and speak!

A third suggestion is that when you are having this intense, eye gazing convo lean in toward your lover. Let them know that they not only hold your mind and eyes captive but your body is drawn to them as well. Be a magnet to your lovers iron and vis e versa. I'm not saying to cling to them or hang like a puppy on each breath they take, but show your physical interest by a slight lean in. (no one really likes a Cling-on, really I've seen star wars or star trek and ya don't see babes hanging on that dude.)

Fourth, engage your partner in something exciting. Get your adrenaline pumping together. Let me give you an example. You can have sex after a weekend day of laundry, dishes and yard work and it might be great. OR You can have sex after just having jumped together 20,000 feet out of a perfectly good airplane ON PURPOSE! The adrenaline alone is nearly enough to orgasm, but imagine you are with your lover on some exciting intrigue or adventure. The sharing of an exciting event, some heart racing adventure is enough to boost your chemical attraction together because its something you have shared and experienced together!

Last, but not least. Harness the power of touch. Don't go all PDA on me in the mall or anything, but why not hold hands? Show your appreciation to each other with a long lingering toe curling kiss. Smack that ass as he's walking by with 60 pounds of moss for the winter garden. It's playful, its fun and it again is simple proximity creating chemistry between you and your lover.

Here's your chemistry check list. Consider it homework and get back to me later on how it goes. HEHE

1. Keep it real, keep it sexy. Show off your foxiness. Accentuate the positive.
2. Look into my eyes. Look at each other. Peer into the soul of your lover.
3. The lean in. Come closer my lovelies. Be drawn in by your lover.
4. Excite the mind and body. Get that adrenaline pumping. Adventure with your love.
5. Feels goooooooooood. Touch me there. Smack that ass!

Seriously, these are pretty basic. Yes. They seem almost simplistic, but isn't it always the simple things that often get left behind as we march away on our paths of life? It's easy to forget to look at our partner when there are so many things out there demanding our visual attention. It's easy to lean back and relax after a long hard day of work rather than lean in to show our interest.

Try this, see if it doesn't create within you and your lover a little extra spark, those thoughts that make us speed home from work just to see our lovers.

Stay sexy, stay safe and as always...

Stay Curvy

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