Amazing Sex

You can't have it if you don't up your game!

I wish I was joking here, but unfortunately, I'm not.  Sex is one of those things in life that we can enjoy as we work to improve it.  I spoke with Dr. Charley Ferrer last night here.  We discussed her newest book, Sex Unlimited.  This book really runs the gamut of the dating scene to erotic fun time and gives even us ole' married people a few ideas.

This is one of those books that everyone can find something useful in this.  Dr. Charley isn't only a fun chicka to chat with, but she knows how to relate to people.  A clinical sexologist, and author of 13 books she is the go to girl for sexy fun ideas.

Do check out Sex Unlimited it's a great read and guaranteed to have something for everyone.  One of the reasons I was so excited to have Dr. Charley on for our Romantic Wednesday is that she really just says it, without holding back and without sugar coating things.  She talks in Sex Unlimited about her 90 day rule, which I love love and wish I knew about it prior to my age of majority where I made bad choices just because I could.

Of course, I skipped over the dating section and went straight to her section called Erotic Pleasures because, well, its fabulous.  I find getting sexy ideas extremely erotic and acting on them even more.  Sex takes practice and you know what they say, practice make perfect.

So grab Sex Unlimited, listen to my chat with Dr. Ferrer here be sure to check back often because we'll have Dr. Ferrer back for next weeks upcoming KinkEnd episode to talk about her book BDSM The Naked Truth.  We've designed some great widgets that upload our rss feed straight to our blogs.  These widgets you can share, just click the get this widget tab below which ever segment you enjoy most and post it to your pages.

Be sure to send in all your questions for Dr. Ferrer as she will be guest authoring on this blog as well as our www.curviesmuses.com to be sure to and answer all your sexy questions.

So stay sexy my little doves, stay safe, read and be sexy and as always...


Stay Curvy
XOXO

Part Two of Intimacy and Sexual Fulfillment

You can find the original post here, at www.curviesmuses.com the original blog.

In the first segment of this series we discussed communication.  While communication is highly important, we can not end it with talk, we have to take action as well.  I talk about sex and sexuality all the time, with strangers, family, friends and unknown listeners.  I can even discuss intimacy and things I'd like or my love would like but with those who are not the aforementioned lover, in these cases the intimacy stops there with the discussion.

We have to remember that the communication aspect is like giving a speech, you're expressing your ideas.  Now put that into this context, if Bill Gates, the guy that owns the world, yeah him. Or Steven Jobs? What if he only expressed his fantastic thoughts on an undeveloped program called Windows, then never took the action required to make it happen?  Seriously, where would computer technology be today?  What if Steven Jobs, choose to talk but not act?

Now sure that is a pretty grandiose example, but when you think of your long term relationship, it's pretty grandiose as well and could span several years of your life, that you can't get back.  So think of your intimate communications as a type of foreplay.  Having the discussion is enough to get me all randied up, and I'm sure I'm not alone in that aspect.

The next step is one of action.  I've been known to text the honey with an directions, date & time for us to meet.  Usually under the guise of a work related thing, but it can be just a quick meet up for lunch as well.  Now this isn't an every week thing, we can go months without either of us wanting to plot something sexy to get that fire lit again.  So I generally take advantage of this fact and set our meeting place at our local naughty store, lingerie store or one of our fabulous wineries in the area.  Now, I own an adult store, so saying "Guess what I got from UPS today?" just doesn't hold the same excitement as it did a few years ago, but it's a fabulous intro for those who shop online for their sexy toys.

I know, an awful ploy to get the honey to tell me what he thinks about this toy or that piece of lingerie.  Plus I love his reaction when we are browsing the sexy offerings.  Personally I like to schedule these sexy dates a few days in advance of our weekend so that we can each have something to think about and get us waiting breathlessly for our couples only night.

I've had a lot of people talk about spontaneity, yes yes yes.  This is fabulous, but not necessarily going to happen if you are in a sexual rut or going through a dry spell, so to speak.  The entire point of this segment is to help you get out of that funk.  BUT, spontaneity can still be a included in this.  Go through the planning process and surprise your lover with it at your time of choice, you can encourage them to do the same.  Regardless, the use of communication should take place first. Get your limits, fantasies and sexual desires expressed so you each have a basis for setting up your sexy night together.

Now, everything is set in motion.  You've discussed your desires, plotted out some fun time whether together or alone, had a sexy pre-date meeting, gathered all your supplies or sexy wear, planned a pre/post sensual snack, set the mood with lighting and some sexy scents in the air.  Now all that is left is to show up, explore and enjoy each other.

What are you waiting for?  It's a considerably small amount of time to plan a sexy play date.  What is mind numbing sex worth to you?  It doesn't have to cost you a penny to get intimate with your lover.  More often than not answering the door when my honey comes home in nothing but my favorite heels and a smile does the trick.

Intimacy and great sex takes a little bit of effort, but it is so worth it!  No one is born being a great lover, no one is born knowing how to act in an intimate relationship.  It's well worth the effort and the pay out in the end will blow your mind!

So stop reading this, set your pre sexy time meeting, and show up!!!!  Of course and as always...


Stay Curvy
XOXO

As if it weren't enough...

in January we are expanding our podcasts on blog talk radio! (hey I'm payin for it might as well use it!)

So our line up is as follows:

Romantic Wednesday: All you authors out there come chat with me about your work, published and upcoming books, ebooks, erotica, erotic poetry etc... Every Wednesday we'll be talking about some sexy read.

Sex Toy Thursday: We are working on gathering the most innovative, sexy, fun & functional sex toy manufacturers to talk about their toys. On the market or soon to be released. ( I ♥ sex toyzzzzzz )

It's the KinkEnd Fridays: Because a KinkEnd is so much more fun than a regular weekend. On Fridays we will be talking all things kinky! We are going to dig deep into topics such as Power Play, Pain Play, Bondage and Role Play as well as other forms of kink and how to get your kinky on.

Sex Talk Saturday: In January we are going to tackle some pretty hard-hitting topics like Sex after Sexual Trauma: Getting your sexy back! We'll be having on Montique of Zinity Fitness and talk about their performance enhancing exercise routine! We are also working on getting on live a Doctor to discuss some signs of sexual dysfunction, a Pharmacist to discuss sexual side-effects of some common pharmaceutical treatments and possibly, just maybe a super awesome holistic health practitioner to go over some alternative methods to deal with sexual issues.

Gonna be a busy year 2013, assuming I survive the zombies (IJS hehe)

I have something special for my lovelies

Just in time for the holidays!

Elene Sallinger has written one of the sexiest erotic novels I've ever read.

Elene Sallinger is a lover of all things lingual, a warrior of words, and a vixen of vocabulary. Her goal is to titillate, provoke, empower and move you with her work which ranges from the erotic to the dramatic and everything in between.

Elene is also the author of At Long Last available on Smashwords, and the upcoming full-length, erotic novel Doing DC from UStar Novels.

You got it, Elene Sallinger is joining us on Sex Talk with Curvy on the 22nd of December. Be sure to tune in.

I mentioned in an earlier post starting to read Awakening, I finished it in one setting, thanks to my Kindle I read in bed next to the honey. It was terribly difficult to let the man sleep through my randy read. I was mighty tempted to wake him up a couple times and say "Read, Do .... NOW" ;) (ya'll know what I'm talkin' about)

But I don't want to give too much away here, because we are gonna get to talk to the woman behind the words! Ohhhhhh I so can't wait!

If you haven't read Awakening yet, you can find it on Amazon. They have it on kindle and if you don't have a kindle you can get the kindle app for your phone.

Get the book, read & be randy :) stay sexy and as always...

Stay Curvy
XOXO

Back to Kinky Clause

and my purely scientific investigation of BDSM. (Fine, that's a lie but whatever). I've been reading The Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taormino. This book is pretty fascinating and has the various segments written by "Masters" in their respective techniques, such as Midori, Lolita Wolf, Laura Antoniou and Madison Young.

It's broken down into nice bite size pieces that even I can handle and absorb into my tiny brain. Not to mention it's extremely well written. It's like Tristan has brought together the rock stars of the BDSM community. There is so much information out there regarding this particular community. A large percentage of it from what I can tell is a little on the skeevy side but there are some genuine people willing and able to teach and impart their knowledge on the subject. This book is definitely on my recommendation list.

I'm also reading Awakening by Elene Sallinger, a second piece of erotic fiction after finally making it through the second book in the FSOG series. (Sorry, I still like these. It's an easy read and I just substitute my own words for her redundant descriptives) Though I have found some similarities, "Stilling" is used in this work as well as is the whole biting her lower lip bringing a raging woody to the uber-hot un-attainable Dom. It causes me to wonder, is this how it starts for single ladies out there discovering their kink? It seems to be a popular trend in fiction, that's for certain.

I've discussed with the honey the prospect of getting a little hands on in my "research", ahem, yeah, that's it Research! I've had him read some of my reading list and tell me what he thinks. I also directed him to the CEPE page posted in an earlier post. Poor thing forgot his English and I'm still uncertain exactly how he responded verbally, but the physical response was well, lets just say exciting. He is an angel and thankfully he goes right along with me in what ever hair-brained sex-capade I get distracted with or my flavor of the month.

I do find it intimidating, even a little scary. I'm pretty type A personality, OCD, clean freak, and what did my producer call me, oh yeah, a germaphobe (not sure that's a word but anyhoo). I do struggle with what "role" I closely identify with. In life I'm pretty much a very dominant personality I control all within my tiny universe (or think I do anyway). Hence the confusion. A Dominant as in the D of the D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship just isn't necessarily something I'm comfortable with. In point of fact, I think I would more closely relate to the submissive in this aspect. Perhaps it's BECAUSE I tend to control so many of the other aspects of our lives, I seek the reprieve from decision-making, scheduling etc... Or perhaps I'm confusing the roles completely.

This establishment of roles and guidelines is essential in the community, as well as of course CONSENT. But then there are other roles, one is termed a Switch. Yup, like a switch hitter for all you baseball fans or others. Anyhoo, I may be over thinking this and making it more difficult than it needs or really is. (Not a shocker, I still use a thermometer to boil water, don't judge me! :D )

Or perhaps it's not necessarily ME I'm concerned about. In a LTR (long-term relationship) that has been relatively vanilla for years outside a little spank and tickle, is it even feasible to think that established life roles can be adjusted for pure sexual satisfaction and exploration? I don't know the answer. It's odd how once we start to look out our sexual desires, they soon become needs.

As I said before, I'm pretty Type A. I can tell you exactly where something is in my home without even looking or thinking because everything has its place. (as long as no one has moved it on me, drives me nuts!) My honey is so relaxed and laid back with me, that it may be part of the reason I'm so dominant in my role as wife and business partner. Yet, let anyone else step wonky to either of us and the fury of the G_ds looks like a happy place to anyone who crosses him. Maybe, I am already in a submissive role and simply don't recognize it for what it is? Perhaps the power exchange that is so prevalent in the BDSM community is merely an illusion, a consensual and albeit convincing one, but still an illusion. Is it possible to be both Dominant and submissive? Is it possible to relinquish control to gain control? Is it possible that one can be so focused on task that they unwittingly become submissive in that action? Maybe I'm just the perfect sub to honeys Dom tendencies or is it the other way around?

Maybe as we seek out our partners we find that perfect mix of I want this, that and the other that when we find it the power exchange is made without our even realizing it. This is one of the reasons I think I'm so intrigued by the BDSM culture. He wanted a wife who was driven to succeed, extremely clean, with a mind for business and adventurous with a big ole bootay. I wanted the strong, silent, pick me up when I fall & treat me like a Queen, Knight in Shining Armor.

Again, maybe just maybe this is part of the discovery process. Perhaps I need to spend more time thinking about, pondering and musing over sexuality. (As IF, I don't do it enough already) Perhaps everyone needs to take a moment regularly and think about sex and their desires. No more dead bedroom issues, no more unsatisfactory outcomes, no more "I wish ____ would _____." Has western culture deprived us of our ability to be sexual creatures comfortably? Maybe we have allowed it so long that for some sex is more perfunctory than pleasure. Have we been convinced that sensation and the experience of physical sensation is reduced to good vs bad?

The techniques and the level of communication is still astounding to me. I love it, I really love it! I may find myself stagnated in this spot of role definition but talking about the variety of kink has taken over our sexy bed time talk so we shall see. Maybe I need to get out the chocolate syrup to mix up our vanilla. Or I may just accidentally bring home some product to try out before it gets to go on the store site. :D (Career with bene's IJS)

Perhaps kink is like a seed, it may or may not grow it just depends on whether or not you water it. Either way, it appears the more I learn the more questions I have. You know curiosity and the cat? I feel like one in a room full of rocking chairs! But it's an interesting escapade and I am really enjoying the journey and the lovely people I've gotten to meet and talk with.

One thing I will say about this adventure is that while I'm still uncommitted to the lifestyle, it sure has been enlightening and at the least has brought out some questions and aren't they really the pave-stones of the paths we choose?

This Saturday kicks off our Kinky Clause, there are 5 segments each Saturday in December at 10:00pm. This segment may be extended based on the interest and request of readers and listeners alike. The link to this weekends show is Sex Talk with Curvy Due to scheduling conflict, the initial show will be re-aired on its scheduled date rather than live. If you have any questions for our guest, please get them in to me as soon as possible.

So grab the water hose, spray me down, stay sexy, tune in for our kinky clause segments and as always...

Stay Curvy
XOXO

Intimacy and Chemistry

We hear a lot about chemistry. But how does it relate to intimacy and how do we keep that chemical cocktail fresh in a long-term relationship?

A huge part of a couples chemistry lies in their basic level of communication. As with all communication, it starts with the largest sex organ in the human body, the brain. So often I'm harping on communication, communication, COMMUNICATION. Even in some of the research I'm doing on upcoming segments, I'm still amazed at the practices of communication that are in some circles a set baseline for relationships.

Now, communication can be many things to many different people. I communicate daily with hundreds of people regarding sex and sexual issues. On the surface this is intimate, but in actuality, it's not. It's almost clinical. We can chat with our girlfriends about sex and while it's an intimate subject, and with our intimate girlfriends it's still a far cry from being that intimate communication with our lovers.

It's one thing to say I'd really like ____ to try this with me to a friend or counselor. But at times saying I'd like you to do this ____ to me tonight when you get home, is a bit more difficult. There is a safety issue. What will my partner think of me? Will they still love me? How will this change my relationship? It is a huge step in communication and an even larger step in chemistry department.

It's through this intimate communication that we can maintain, and even grow our chemical connection to our partners. One way we can increase our chemistry is by some sexy talk, expressing our fantasies to our lovers. Chemistry in an intimate relationship is created through intimate communication.

A sexy text, note or message throughout the day can go a long way to creating some chemistry between you and your partner. This is part of expressing ourselves, both as partners as well as sexual beings.

Another way to ensure and even increase the chemistry is to always try to look your best. Look, I get it, times are tough, stress levels are high, the demands on our time are relentless. BUT, we can choose to ignore ourselves and our appearance and run the risk of losing it all together or we can MAKE time for ourselves and keeping our appearance nice to look at. It's pretty simple, we are all mammals, and mammals are generally attracted to other mammals who offer ideal genetic materials for procreation. That's the science, here's the real deal. If you are in a long-term relationship and have fallen into that married pudgy, half leg shave, wearing the mickey mouse sweatshirt with a little vomit still on it from the baby earlier this afternoon, girlfriend you gotta get out of that.

Don't even begin to think that guys don't fall into that as well. They used to put on cologne to meet us for coffee, shave, shower and pick out some decent clothes to wear upon our dates.

Attractiveness does go both ways and it is truly up to each individual within this partnership to keep their side of this unspoken deal up. I understand that it's hard with the obligations of life and family to think of ourselves. It might even look like vanity to some. But I think most women will agree, how they feel is based on how they feel they look. We've been told that it's vanity, we've been warned not to be that "high maintenance" woman, it's been made ok to let ourselves go after marriage. Well, it's not. We're not. And only to a certain extent is it ok.

One way to ensure your attractiveness to you mate is to know what particular body part they like, are they a leg man, a butt man etc... this does go both ways guys, we ladies like and are attracted to different body parts as well. I know we often say it's "his eyes" or "his smile" but most of us secretly are checking out other parts as well. Me, I love me some strong thighs on a man. Don't get me wrong, upper body strength is important, but I think that strong, thick, healthy, hard thighs are awesome. There's several reasons, the prevalent one today is in the event of a zombie attack, if, as I'm running in my 6 inch spiked heel boots and twist my ankle, will my partner be able to effectively toss me over his shoulder and run us both to safety? IJS. Spindly male thighs, can't run as far or as fast during a zombie attack and I run the risk of limping off on my own and being forced to tarzanna up a tree and through the overhead branches again risking more life and limb to get away. It's a survival strategy. True story. Anyhooo...

Find out what part your lover likes and accentuate that. If he (or she) is a thigh lover, get those jeans on that are a little snug (not tight, again zombies, getting away, tight-fitting restrictive movement jeans not a good scenario) around the thigh or wear that short skirt with some thigh high stockings. There is nothing wrong with drawing attention to the part or parts of your body that your lover likes.

A second tip to increase chemistry in your relationship is the simplest one of all. LOOK AT EACH OTHER! We tend to stop doing this as we are inundated with the demands of life, we might end up spending our sit down meal time watching our toddlers to make sure they stop feeding spaghetti to the parrot rather than looking and conversing with our partners.

One technique you can use to increase intimacy and bonding while looking at your partner is to look straight into their pupils. You can tell a lot about your lovers level of interest by checking out their pupils. A persons pupils will increase in size or dilate when they are interested or turned on. Conversely, they will constrict when your lover loses interest or become disturbed.

Looking directly into your lovers eyes or a lovers gaze has been the bedrock of love stories, erotic art and poetry since man and woman have had the power of conversation and expression. It's also hugely erotic and full of promise. So try it. Stop having that conversation over band-width battling laptops, look at each other and speak!

A third suggestion is that when you are having this intense, eye gazing convo lean in toward your lover. Let them know that they not only hold your mind and eyes captive but your body is drawn to them as well. Be a magnet to your lovers iron and vis e versa. I'm not saying to cling to them or hang like a puppy on each breath they take, but show your physical interest by a slight lean in. (no one really likes a Cling-on, really I've seen star wars or star trek and ya don't see babes hanging on that dude.)

Fourth, engage your partner in something exciting. Get your adrenaline pumping together. Let me give you an example. You can have sex after a weekend day of laundry, dishes and yard work and it might be great. OR You can have sex after just having jumped together 20,000 feet out of a perfectly good airplane ON PURPOSE! The adrenaline alone is nearly enough to orgasm, but imagine you are with your lover on some exciting intrigue or adventure. The sharing of an exciting event, some heart racing adventure is enough to boost your chemical attraction together because its something you have shared and experienced together!

Last, but not least. Harness the power of touch. Don't go all PDA on me in the mall or anything, but why not hold hands? Show your appreciation to each other with a long lingering toe curling kiss. Smack that ass as he's walking by with 60 pounds of moss for the winter garden. It's playful, its fun and it again is simple proximity creating chemistry between you and your lover.

Here's your chemistry check list. Consider it homework and get back to me later on how it goes. HEHE

1. Keep it real, keep it sexy. Show off your foxiness. Accentuate the positive.
2. Look into my eyes. Look at each other. Peer into the soul of your lover.
3. The lean in. Come closer my lovelies. Be drawn in by your lover.
4. Excite the mind and body. Get that adrenaline pumping. Adventure with your love.
5. Feels goooooooooood. Touch me there. Smack that ass!

Seriously, these are pretty basic. Yes. They seem almost simplistic, but isn't it always the simple things that often get left behind as we march away on our paths of life? It's easy to forget to look at our partner when there are so many things out there demanding our visual attention. It's easy to lean back and relax after a long hard day of work rather than lean in to show our interest.

Try this, see if it doesn't create within you and your lover a little extra spark, those thoughts that make us speed home from work just to see our lovers.

Stay sexy, stay safe and as always...


Stay Curvy
XOXO

Spices to add in the kitchen to spice up life in the bedroom

We can go a long way to increase our libido and heat up our sex life in the bedroom from the comfort of our very own kitchen. Most people I know have a love / hate relationship with food and sometime with their libido as well. In my quest to find all things sexy and sexual I ran across Ayurveda. This is an ancient principle of healing that dates back several thousand years. Ayurveda is brought to us by the same culture that brought us the Kama Sutra, "you're welcome".

SPICE! Yummy. In several ancient traditions such as Ayurveda as well as emerging western healing traditions, spice and food is being determined to have various health benefits. Spices are a great tool to add into our kitchens for their health benefits and libido benefits!

Warming spices such as Cinnamon, Chilis or Peppers, Mustard, Ginger, Clove & Garlic are used to "start the fire" within. Warming spices are great in the fall and winter as it assists us in creating heat within our bodies and heat in the bedroom. They are fairly easy to incorporate into our daily lives without a lot of time spent in the kitchen. I've put together my favorite sexy spices for you and little ways to incorporate them into your daily meals and spicy sex-capades.

Cinnamon Yummy and warming! Cinnamon Spiced Apple Cider is a great fall drink to warm your up and help get you hot! It smells absolutely great as it infuses the whole house with the smell of cinnamon and cider. They don't make $25 Yankee candles with this scent for no reason. It creates a warm, comforting environment within the home and when we are warm and comfortable intimacy comes easily. As Cinnamon heats up your body it also heats up your sex drive. (yippeee cinnamon) The pectin in apples is also believed to increase the libido as well. Apples have been prescribed as remedies for various ailments for the last 6500 or so years, so the sexy, luscious red apple is here to stay and when combined with some yummy warming cinnamon it can light that internal fire. There are many ways to combine these two sexy powerhouses Apple pie, Bakes apples, Apple Bread Pudding. (OMG I'm so hungry)

Chilies and Curries Warms you up just thinking about it. Chilies have a chemical called capsaicin, this hot little gem releases epinephrine. Epinephrine or adrenaline in turn releases endorphins which temporarily relieve stress and improve our mood. Epinephrine has been shown to have some pain relieving properties which may also allow the "chili pleasure seeker" to feel freed to experience more pleasurable sensations. When eating spicy foods your body displays some reaction in sweating, increased heart rate and a feeling of euphoria, kind of like what happens when you have SEX!!!!

Mustard Seeds I know right. But Mustard seeds have been used for centuries for a multitude of ailments from hair-loss to cancer to low libido. The mustard seed is a source of internal bio-energy for the body. It's know to treat problems such as stress, depression, anxiety & some sexual dysfunction. My honey introduced me to the seeded types of mustard and their yumminess with a tender steak. (The steak also provides protein for your sexual Olympics so "Yeah Steak") Mustard Oil in combination with another vegetable oil is a great massage oil as it warms the body externally, as it does when we have a nice mustard with steak.

Ginger has that exotic taste, the awesome smell and many documented health benefits including the increase of blood flow to the sexual organs. You can enjoy ginger in so many ways like tea, ginger spiced dishes and a yummy salad with ginger dressing. I found this super delicious, sexy, sweet recipe Clementines in Ginger Syrup.

Photo By: William Abranowicz

Cloves are another warming spice that increases the blood flow, body temperature and energy. They can be added into many dishes to create that heat we need to get our motors running. A little clove and orange marmalade spread over a nice baguette in the morning can be a great wake me up (and keep me up). There are a variety of recipes you can find online, the one I've used is Clove and Orange Marmalade. This particular recipe is fairly easy to make and contains honey which is another aphrodisiac as well as delish!

Garlic I love garlic it can be added to many main dishes for flavor. But Garlic aside from being an awesome flavor-ite (yes, it's a made up word too) it helps promote the production of the enzyme, nitric oxide synthase or NOS. NOS plays a large role in the process to achieve and maintain an erection. One of my favorite things to make on the weekends is roasted garlic and tomato salsa, it tastes good, is easy and barely lasts through Saturday night. Plus it helps the honey keep at the ready. (whoot me)

There are a multitude of spices that warm the body and therefore the libido that I know of but have a bit of struggle to incorporate into my cooking routine. So if you have recipes (that are easy) for the following spices let me know. These other spices include but not limited to... Saffron, Fenugreek, Fennel, and Cardamom. Cardamom is a great spice that is added to Chai teas and I know that you can get the Oregon spice chai tea in premix, but it's just not the same as having a great Chai recipe.

So anyhoo, these spices are a great way to increase our heat internally and in the bedroom. Get to cooking, get hot, stay safe and as always....



Stay Curvy
XOXO

Sex Talk with Curvy

Sex Talk with Curvy 10/06 by Sex Talk with Curvy | Blog Talk Radio.

OK so my VERY FIRST TIME doing Sex Talk with Curvy. :D I was super excited and almost pee'd my panties. It turns out that I love planning and get super bouncy and more than a little breathy when it comes down to it. (hehe) I think I need voice lessons so I don't sound like a kid. :( But I didn't squeak, so that it good.

My producer actually gave me "the look", you know that look you give to a kid who is talking too much. I got it. I'm still super excited to have guests on our next show! Hopefully one of my favorite WordPress bloggers and erotic poets will be able to make it in and grace us with his poetry and some inkling into the mind of a poet!

We are working on some other guests, I'd love to do a show on body image and how it affects our sex lives. We are also working on getting a rep from a sex toy manufacturer! (I so want to know who comes up with some of these things! I still can't look at a rabbit, as in bunny, without giggling) I'd love love love to have some of my blogger buddies on the show too, cause we are awesome!

I have a doctor and pharmacist coming on to discuss sexual issues, effect of medication on intimacy and sex, and when it's no just a "little thing" and you need to see a doctor!

I'd love to hear your ideas on topics as well! If you have a topic or issue you'd like to hear discussed please let me know!

How exciting it is to try something new, it might not have been a sexual act, but it sure as Hell was exciting and fun! And I got to talk about sex! So whoot me!

Our next episode is set to run on the 20th! So come join us for some sexy fun!

Desperately Seeking...

turned actively participating.

I'm afraid that many of us have been taught complacency in sex. There are many themes out there, be a lady in the street and a freak in the sheets, love yourself etc... and it's all very "red book". But yet we still, on the next page, talk of how our lovers have to get us ready with tonnes of foreplay, romance, intimacy etc...

YES, yes and yes these are all true but at what point are we, women, responsible for our own O? I juggle the lady in the street, freak in the sheet right along with business woman, mother, wife, household manager, pool girl, hot tub tester, sex toy collector, beauty lover, PMS having, insecure, moody asshole as well as a host of other things. My mother told me I'd have to master many things to achieve a modicum of success but she never told me to master my own orgasm!

Yes, I like foreplay (very much) Yes, I like intimacy (even more) and Yes, (yes oh yes) I like my orgasms. But I do not rely on anyone to "give me" one. In my hectic world "gimme" got replaced with "if you want it you better get it" or to quote the cable guy "geterdun".

I've heard women complain, "I want more foreplay", "I need more intimacy", "There's no romance" etc... and yes these are valid. So my answer is simple: If you want it, make it happen. Our partners, whether they be of the opposite sex, same-sex or even group sex don't intuitively know what we want or need to achieve our "O". We do, each individual is unique in what we need for sexual satisfaction. What one person may have been "taught" is great love-making might be a complete turn off for their next partner. It might even be an "up and run" moment, that is Pull your panties Up and Run!

So if you want more foreplay, make it happen. If you need more intimacy, be more intimate and if you are lacking in romance create some. Seriously, going on a beautiful tropical island sounds intimate, romantic, sexy and hot. It may well be that it is hot, as in the 90's with a humidity of 99% but if you don't bring sexy to that island you won't find it there, it's a f'ing island. Being a sexually empowered woman is not a bad thing, we are not living in that constraining era where you thought of the queen on your wedding night because there was nothing in it for you. It doesn't matter how you like sex, whether it be vanilla, or some funky monkey sex. (Who has the ice cream?) If you want a little spank n tickle get your best "teachers pet" outfit on and greet your honey at the door. Don't wait for them to "give" you your joy, you might be waiting a long time.

I spent years thinking that the guy who could "gimme" an orgasm was the best suit for me in my own purple room of pleasure. Those are years completely wasted, the Cosmo articles that said the best boyfriend is the one who "makes you happy", "makes you secure", "Gives you the O" now line my parrot's cage. No man, woman, human, toy or internet connection can "GIVE" you these things, or "MAKE" you have these feelings.

During these years I had heard that the French were super romantic and sensual as part of their culture. (I love me some French even fries!) Anyhoo, when I met my husband I was with a girlie friend of mine and he came in and spoke and I was had. I mean had, owned, possessed. Of course it would have been nice had he even noticed me at that time. After he left I looked at my girl friend and said "Did you see him?" "Did you hear him talk?" after she said "Yes" to both questions I wrapped up the conversation with "I want one." Little did I know that my pre-conceived notions about the sexual prowess of the French were more than a little skewed. I expected, (once he finally noticed me), romance, chocolate and rich food with hours of passion and sensuality. These notions took up quite a bit of my masturbatory time, and a whole lot of my fantasies.

My husband is an excellent lover, but initially, I wasn't sure we would be compatible. He's not the French romantic I'd heard about, though he does work to accommodate my ideas of being romanced. Intimacy, he was about as intimate as a porcupine. The sex was great after the 10th or 12th time. Don't get me wrong, it was good prior to that, I got my O's given to me. As our relationship progressed I realized that he was doing all the relationship work. I was making the demands for him to be the "French guy" I had materialized in my head, yet at that time he was just the body and accent of that fictional character.

It was then I lost my "O". Seriously lost it, gone, vanished, nothing could do it for me. Realizing I was being relationship selfish stole my O!!!! I had gone through a period of not wanting to be touched, looked at, spoken to, or even acknowledged. I just wanted to be an observer of life not an active participant. I became that cold, rigid roommate wife. Kissing, puhleeese. Intimacy, became try it if you dare. My mother, bless her soul, sat me down in her "little" way and told me to "stop being a selfish bitch". (I know RIGHT!!!! My mother was about 4'9" 100lbs of demure, blushing at the mention of "s.e.x.", no cursing because it's not lady like, June Clever type) So for her to use that language with me was the shock I needed to get my ass in order. Now while she didn't tell me to find my own O, she did tell me that no person will ever live up to some "Pie in the clouds ideal" of a perfect lover. She said that no lover is perfect in all their aspects and that if I wanted, really wanted love I had to actively participate.

In my search for my O, I substituted the word orgasm for love in her final statement on the subject. (the love was always there, it was the O that went to prison) Guess what, I FOUND MY O AGAIN!!!!! It wasn't hiding in his pocket, under the sofa or in some fancy schmancy restaurant with over priced snails. It was asleep within me, covered in dust bunnies and more than a little pissed off at being neglected for so long.

My views on intimacy changed so much, I no longer sought out my happiness in someone else. Or placed these ridiculous guidelines on how to be "my kind" of romantic. Gone were the days of you have to get me hot to get the girl parts. I learned to get myself hot. I learned to find romance where ever we were together. I learned to seek out intimacy in every day activities we did together.

Cosmo has gone a long way in the female sexual repertoire, it has helped us in so many ways to express our sexuality. It has given us a voice whereas years ago we didn't have one. At the same time it has made some of us, or at least me, co-dependent on someone else giving us our happiness, our intimacy, our romance and yes, even our orgasms. Its made us aware that we can voice our needs, but also at the same time made us a little whiny (for lack of a better word), more demanding and less self-sufficient in the sex department. I know that is going to piss off some of my sisters, but it's really not intended to. I want for all my sexy sisters to be empowered in their own sexuality. Complaining that you don't get enough foreplay, isn't empowerment, it's complaining.

It's not just our partners jobs to get us going, we need to take some responsibility in this area and do for ourselves. Sometimes just planning a sexy night is enough to get me warmed up, and spending a few moments plotting how to answer the door (lingerie or high heels and a smile) is super sexy. Being out in the woods with my honey became sexy for me, because he enjoyed it so much.

So ladies, lets stop desperately seeking someone to fulfill us sexually and actively participate in getting ourselves warmed up and hot. Thinking about what we want to do to our lovers or them do to us for just a few minutes each day goes a long way in getting us ready for sex. We cannot continue to be dependent on others to find our happiness or sexuality. I don't need any person to tell me I'm beautiful all I have to do is look in the mirror and see something about myself that I can consider beautiful. I don't need someone to tell me I'm sexy to know that I can be, at any time, as sexy as I wanna be. :D

Girlie friends, get yourself some sexy panties spend a couple more moments as you lotion your legs and body. Invest in your own sexuality and I guarantee you, sexual fulfillment will be at your finger tips. (literally) Enjoy yourselves, pleasure yourselves find what really turns you on and spend a minute or two each day thinking about it. Sex is natural, it can be mind numbingly awesome but you must have the mindset for it, no partner can give you that mindset, you have to create it within yourselves. Talking about sex with your lover is super hot. Make it a game that plays out for a week, Monday, Wednesday, Friday you and your lover exchange sexual favor notes. That is how you spice it up and how you become empowered in your own sexuality.

Now guys, gents & lovers, this isn't your lazy pass either. I guarantee once you find your sexy lover all empowered and turned on because they have been thinking about you, you are in for a treat. But don't slack off either, you have to initiate intimacy, romance and sex as well. You have to put yourself out there to your partner in order for them to put themselves out there for you. Great sex is a partnership. A mutually beneficial, erotic, sexy, hot, exhilarating partnership.

So guys and dolls, get sexy find your erotic side, dust it off and empower yourself sexually. Get busy, do it now and as always...

Stay Curvy!

XOXO

Get hands on

to get the goodies.

Listen guys and dolls, if you want this... or maybe this...

You have to give us something to work with. I know I know I know, you're tired of hearing how we women have to be romanced and worked over sexually in order to be aroused and ready for sex. Yadda yadda yadda. I'm a woman and frankly I'm tired of hearing about it. Personally I believe that we, as women need to be responsible for our own orgasms.

OK so you get it, women need and deserve foreplay in order to get really turned on. Yet in the same breath, men also need and deserve foreplay as well. Since the only tugging that needs to be going on in the bedroom are the tugging of belt straps and bed sheets lets wrap this little contest up.

Men AND Women both respectively need to be gotten hot before gotten off. It's the bond, and I can't think of anything hotter than a sensual massage. So let's get ready to get slippery, grab your Kama Sutra massage kit , a set of nice towels, put on some sexy relaxing music for a massage, I love love love Enigma. In point of fact I love them for anything sexy. Get your copy of Erotic Massage - A Touch of Love cuddle up with it, breeze through it and decide who's doing who tonight!

Adding sensual massage into your foreplay is erotic, sexy, relaxing and fun. It does take some time and practice to get it just right because again we are all different. So lets explore some massage tidbits to get you started. Before a massage, how bout you and your love take a nice relaxing bath together. Since you're gonna be naked and this will be a full body a little scrub-a-dub will make you and your love more comfortable.

Have your partner lay on their back and settle in behind them running your hands over their scalp and head. This is a light massage, and the scalp has many sensitive areas so small circular motions are key to a sexy scalp massage. Starting at the head is a great way to get him or her relaxed and a prelude of whats to follow. When you are able to make your lover tremble at you touch, you know you are getting it right. ;) Don't stop there. Once your lover is nice and relaxed have them turn onto their stomachs and work your way down to their feet.

Get our your yummy massage oil, warm it up in your hands and begin at the neck using your thumbs, in small circles work the area of the neck around the spine and use your fingers to work the sides of the neck. Work you way down to shoulder and run your hands down his or her back all the way to their butt and work your way back up along their sides. On your final "run up" begin your work on their arms again using varying pressure going from the shoulder all the way down to his or her finger tips. Pay some special attention to the wrist and palm of the hand. Use your thumbs in small circular motions around the palm and wrist of your lover. If you want to take it a step further, sweet (tasty) kisses on the wrist, hand and finger tips is a really sexy trick that will get your lover all kinds of hot. While your lover is on his or her stomach, you can use your nude body to rub against theirs as well as your hands. This is after all a sensual massage and you'd better get at least down to the undie-duds to do this.

When you have finished with their arms and have made your way to their back again, make several initial passes again over their back and on your final descension, slid your slippery palms over their rears (just as a teaser) and start with long stroked down their legs all the way to their feet. Kneading the back of the thigh and calf as you descend travel to their feet. Use gentle circular motions on the back of the knee. You'll want to make your descension and ascension in sets of three. One down and up on the back of the leg, one down and up on the outer leg, one down and up on the inner leg. Spend some time working in small circular motions around the ankle. Once you are finished with the back of the leg have your lover roll onto their back.

Now you will spend a couple of moments focusing on their feet. (Aren't you glad I had you take a bath now?) Again, use your palms to warm up some of that massage oil and use your thumbs to work from the ankle and heel to the top of the toes. Use a gentle pressure on the feet as those of us who are ticklish might end up kicking or tensing up. Massage both the top and bottom of the feet. In reflexology the foot has several sexual points. I found this handy-dandy downloadable pdf on the Taoist approach to sexual reflexology here it is, http://geofftop.com/Files/DL-B19%20Sexual%20Reflexology.pdf. ( I virus scanned it prior to downloading it, but I suggest you do the same! ) So, back to the hot steamy massage. As you are working the foot, use again small circles on the top part of the foot at the crease or bend of the foot to stimulate the groin area in your partner. This area extends from the spine of the foot across the top (at the bend) to the inner ankle.

When you are finished with your lovers feet, massage the leg (again in sets of three) front, outer and inner. Use a deeper pressure when following the blood flow and light pressure when massaging against the flow of blood. There are five basic strokes to incorporate during your massage. Friction, Tapping, Kneading, Stroking and Vibrating. (Already sounds fun) As you wrap up the royal leg treatment, you will focus on the abdomen, chest and frontal neck. Before kneading tummies, you might want to ask. This can be a source of insecurities for some.

Now depending on where and how you are giving this sexy massage your position will need to change throughout the massage. Since I don't have a massage table, I massage my sweetie in the bed so here is where I scamper on up and sit on him pinning his legs or stand off to the side. Anyhoo, as you are kneading and stroking (I really just wanted to say stroking again) your way around the abs and chest area don't forget the nipples. For the love of all that is HOT, Don't FORGET THE NIPS!!!!!

Again you will work the arms, similar to the first round while your lover was on his or her back. Use deeper pressure as you massage down toward the fingers and lighter pressure from the finger tips to the shoulder. For the frontal neck, you will cradle your lovers neck between your two hands and use very light strokes with the thumb up and down the neck. Light pressure being the key here. You will wrap up your sensual massage with light, delicate strokes along the chin line, cheek bones, eye brows, temple and forehead of your lover.

One of the fun things about a sensual massage is that feeling of anticipation you create in your lover. By the time you finish your massage both you and your lover will be ready to seal the deal, so to speak. In this type of massage, the obvious erogenous zones are lightly brushed over and can be focused on after you finish with the rest of the body if you choose. A sensual massage is a great tool for creating intimacy even without sex. It can be a gesture of love and appreciation as well as a way to help that stressed out lover relax after a hard day.

As you do your massage, use your body in the same rhythm as your strokes to ensure that you are getting good muscle penetration. With massage there are as many schools of thought out there are individual masseuse practitioners. Some will combine various techniques. If you are new at massage, it's best if you grab a book or dvd to get further versed in the art of sensual massage. This blog is by no means a "how to" I simply mean to supply you with some ideas to further your sexual experimentation and bonding with your partner. By getting some media instruction, you and your lover can watch or read it together to further the anticipation.

Sensual massage is sexy, any way you look at it. So stop messing around on the internet, grab a shower or bath with your lover, some oil and a candle to set the mood, get to massaging each other and as always...

Stay Curvy!!!!

XOXO

Chilly camp nights...

and steamy sex.

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I love contrasts. Hot to cold, hard to soft etc... This is one of the many reasons I love this upcoming season. The days can still be warm and the nights outside chilly. Perfect camping weather, perfect forest sex season. It's a time to get in touch with nature and each other. If you're like me and get a little spastic when away from your laptop for more than 24 hours or check your iphone every 7.3445 minutes to see if by some miracle you have service, camping can be a challenge. Camp sex however makes up for all the electronicle (yes it's a made up word) withdrawals I seem to suffer.

Camping can mean a lot of things to a lot of people so for the sake of inclusion lets say camping is anything that is in the wilderness outside your home. This can include a cabin in the woods, a lakeside resort, a 5th wheel pull behind or a rucksack and a tent. Either way you go, this is the season for stepping out into nature. One of the best things I find during my fall camp trips is that "back to nature" feeling you get when you spend the day with your love exploring the forests, the lakes and hiking the trails. The exertion is exhilarating, the air is clean and there is something sexy in nature and all she has to offer.

So often we are asking for our men or partners to be more expressive of their sexual needs, their feelings etc... Lets face it, most men aren't generally big talkers on feelings or intimacy. It's sometimes up to us ladies to ensure that we are meeting their expressive needs in providing them with that "manly man" adventure. While not every man enjoys camping or the wild places those that do can appreciate sex in the wild. We, as women can't always expect them to meet our needs for being romanced if we are unwilling to meet their needs for romance within a setting that they enjoy. Most times we are on different planets when it comes to what is or isn't romantic. So finding some commonality in this arena can be challenging.

My idea of romance is a flatteringly lit room, wine, the smell of fresh flowers and a sumptuous dessert. My honeys idea of romantic is a secluded area, free from distractions, a nice steak dinner in a place where he can be comfortable and relax. So in order to meet our unique needs and ideals of romance a little cabin by the creek is perfect. Here we can combine warm days and hiking through the woods working up an appetite in clean air. Then tromp back to the cabin to light the fireplace, put on some jazz and prepare our dinner together without distraction. We can enjoy a glass of wine and our meal before retiring to the pillows in front of the fireplace to enjoy our dessert and each other.

This can be accomplished around a camp fire as well, the ambiance created by nature herself is awe inspiring. The point of this particular blog is to get you thinking about and perhaps taking a camping trip with just you and your honey. Getting outside and into a natural setting can bring out the primal (and sexual) human in us all. Intimacy without distraction from our daily lives, intimacy in a setting that is conductive of communication and in a natural, calming environment.

There is always talk of "date night" and I'm a big believer that we must set aside time in our lives to be together with our partners. This time is our "bonding" time, a time for us to be intimate and just be together. Every day we should take just a couple minutes to be intimate, kiss, talk, snuggle, cuddle etc... It's that intimate bond that creates a spectacular sex life and keeps us interested in each others lives. So perhaps, one date night this fall you and your lover can sneak away to some secluded place and enjoy the wild environment, bonding and some steamy camp sex.

Anyway you choose to go, spend just a couple moments each day being intimate with your partner, at least one date night a month and as always...

Stay Curvy

XOXO

Exploring Tantra

If you're like most of us, you've heard about Tantra and Tantric Sex. And again like most of us, you might have initially discarded it thinking it's some weird sex cult or some new age thing. After spending a considerable amount of time studying and completely enjoying the tantric experimentations I've found that Tantra is neither of these things.

While it would take a book to explain Tantra, or several books in point of fact this is a blog and I hope after reading this it will intrigue you enough to check out some Tantric practices. Again, this isn't meant to be a Tantric lesson, but I do hope it sparks enough curiosity to get you and your lover to check out some Tantric techniques. Like most people I like my sex to vary, sometimes I want it rough and tumble, other times a "quickie" is all I want, then there are those times when I want to be romanced and worshiped as a woman. There are days when I want to be explored and others when exploration is off limits, especially if I'm feeling fat or unattractive.

So guys, my best advise for you is to mix it up and exploring Tantra is a great way to explore yourselves and your partner sexually. I don't mean each and every time or that you need to explore your sensual side every sex session. At times, I and most of the women I've spoken to, just want a man to be a man all rough, gruff and smelling like a "manly man".

Ladies, we need to pay a little attention to our man and his sensuality as well. I've had the conversations "You're too aggressive" and I've had the conversations "You're too passive, I want you to initiate." So if you choose, take his hand and lead him down a Tantric path so you both can explore each others innate traits, and possibly expand on the more subtle ones.

Tantra is not some new age sex cult. It's recently come to light in our western cultures, mainly thanks to the Wonderful WWW. :D (Who'da thought it would provide us more than just porn to look at) In fact Tantra came into being about 5,000 years ago. Tantra is a spiritual path that is designed to create the harmonious union between the male and female in all of us.

In Tantra, the Yin (feminine) and Yang (masculine) represent all the contrasts in life. Strength and weakness, assertive and submissive, black and white. For each of these contrasts, one cannot survive without another. Each individual has a mixture of these traits and can have both masculine and feminine traits regardless of their sex.

Some of the traits are as follows:

Yin (Feminine)
Passive
Loving
Nurturing
Sensitive
Personalizes
Sensual
Receptive

Yang (Masculine)
Active
Strong
Controlling
Confident
Objectified
Sexual
Protective

Now of course, these traits are not necessarily exclusive. For instance, personally, I have the Yang traits of being controlling, protective and sexual more so than the Yin traits of being passive or receptive. So as you are contemplating these specific traits, know that regardless of your sex, you might find a mixture of these.

In Tantra the goal is to have each partner explore these aspects of themselves, each other and combine them with harmony during love making. In order to have a fulfilling Tantric experience the male and female forces must be harmonious.

There are certain sexual situations where it can be difficult to determine our individual roles. This is where that communication I'm always talking about comes in. The simple fact is, if we find ourselves doing the same thing over and over it can get boring. However once we begin to communicate, explore ourselves and our sexual traits we provide ourselves an outstanding opportunity to find our comfort levels with the various Tantric traits.

Now, in discussing the traits again, we can have a little of both in one package. Meaning we as women can have some masculine traits and men can find themselves having some of the Yin traits as well. The key in combining these traits into successful lovemaking is ensuring a balance between the partners. For example, if I am controlling my partner would need to be submissive. If my partner is sexual I need to compliment his sexuality with my own sensuality.

While good lovemaking doesn't have to take preparation, excellent Tantric lovemaking does take some preparation. Again, set the ambiance for love and incorporate all five senses. Taste, Sound, Smell, Touch, Vision. This doesn't have to be extremely difficult. Some fun Tantra geared tools are the Tantra Feather Teaser and the Dreamsicle gift bag. Grab your copy of The Modern Tantra DVD and get to exploring the Tantric sexual path.

Each of these tools can be incorporated into your Tantric love making sessions. Again, you want to compliment each other, so if your lover is strong and tough you'll want to soften that strong tough exterior up with a little feathery tickle and your sexy soft side.

One of the most exhillarating experiences I've had was experimenting with Tantric traits. I learned about myself as well as my lover. I found different aspects of myself that I enjoyed exploring and experimenting with.

If nothing else, grab yourself some internet time spend just a few moments to explore the art of Tantric sex and expand your sexual experimentation and as always...

Stay Curvy


XOXO

The steamiest room in the house.

My muses on hot steamy bathroom sex...

Source: browndresswithwhitedots.tumblr.com via Michelle on Pinterest

OMG so I just want to go jump in a puddle of mud so I have a good reason to ask the honey to wash my back. I know for myself most of the time spent in the bathroom is either hair and makeup, teeth brushing, shower and leg shave or some other non-companion type activity. But I cherish my bath time, I love to luxuriate in the suds with the heat of the water making my skin turn a little pink, watching the steam roll of my legs. I love the scrub & they way the body wash feels on my skin, it's easily my first turn on in the morning. (OK fine, you got me, I'm a bath freak.)

Anyhoo.... I think the bathroom is a neglected sexual palace. We use the terms hot, steamy, wet & slippery without impunity when discussing sex & how we like it. But how often do we utilize the very room in our home that encompasses each of those adjectives for our sexual exploits? I've often written & discussed the effects of stress & obligation on our sex lives, so here is a super sexy fun ENERGY SAVING TIP....

Shower Together! What better activity can you do to save water, energy & I'd say time but.... well whatever. Whether you or your lover shower in the am or pm it's a great time to strip down & jump in with them. A perfect send off or morning departure for Wednesday or a perfect end to a hard mid-week work day.

A steamy shower or bath goes a long way in setting the mood, the steam is present all it needs is you & your lover. Shower sex incorporates all the senses as well, visually you can see your lover all nude & wet, you can hear the water running from their body & the shower, you can smell their freshly washed skin & the sense of touch well, you can go from cold to hot with the turn on a knob. (hehe I've wanted to think of a way to incorporate the word knob into my blog... Check)

So ladies, get ready to get wet & wetter with your honey in the shower & guys clean that dirty girl good. Depending on the time of day & the immediate obligations will set the tempo of your shower sex. If it's morning & work is calling a quick shower session is in order. Jump in, scrub up rinse off & get your quickie on. A quickie in the morning is just a sampling of what is to come later. Plus it gives us & our lover something to think on throughout the day.

If you have more time, after the kids are successfully tucked into bed & all the other obligations of life are wrapped up or effectively ended until the next day take a couple of minutes to set the mood in the bathroom. Light a couple of candles, remember if you use scented &/or pheromone infused candles they increase the sensuality of the bathroom. The light from the candle can play across you & your lovers wet bodies, what a sight for each of you to behold. Draw a warm bath, add in some foamy stuff or bubble bath something again luxurious & with sensual scent.

Sex in the bath is a great way to try out some different positions that require either physical strength or extended periods of endurance. Sex in the tub is great for that reverse cowgirl position & the water acts almost as an instant weight reduction. Alleviating the strain on her legs & his arms in assisting her to maintain this position. (plus its sloshy sexy) If you have a stand alone tub, like a claw foot tub the possibilities are endless, you have not one but two sides upon which you can drape your legs, arms or your body across. Giving you endless opportunities for position play.

Toilet sex!?!?!?! Say what? Yes with the lid closed preferably. This is a seat, no arms on which you have to maneuver around. Have your lover sit, while you get total control in the straddle. You can face him (or her) or let them see your sexy back and bottom. The term "back it up on meh" comes to mind. Seriously, when will you ever have that much fun on a toilet? I'm just saying. The height is great & doesn't require a huge knee bend for penetration. I guarantee you will never look at your toilet in the same manner.

The sink, (I smile every time I wash my face) The sink is awesome, she can sit on it with her legs around his waist, or she can bend across it for him to come in from the backside. He can sit on it while she seductively bends to perform fellatio.

The floor, I can hardly think of anything sexier than two hot bodies rolling around on a cold tiled floor. It's a sensory contrast that is a lot to take in and completely overwhelming. Imagine being hot on the front and cold on the back or visa versa.

So look around your bathroom, think for just a moment about the limitless possibilities of sex in that hot, steamy, sexy room. So some quick shower sex dos & don'ts

DO set the mood in the bathroom.
DO use some slip prevention stickie thingies in the tub.
DO find some sexy smelling, sensual bath & body products.
DO set some suction cup handles in place.
DO take care to protect your joints from the hard surfaces in the bathroom.

DO Not use oil based products in the shower or tub.
Do Not get reckless, a slip & fall can be dangerous & embarrassing.
DO Not use the body wash as a lube or insert into the VaJayJay.

These little sexplorations are a great way to improve upon a happy and satisfying sex life. It goes a long way to show your lover that you want them sexually in every aspect of your life, even the potty. :D

Grab your bath toys, set the mood & as always...

Stay Curvy!


XOXO

Stress and Sex

More often than not the stresses of life affect our sex lives, our intimacy level with our partners and our overall sexual health. It's a quandary that is difficult to get out of. If we are stressed our desire for sex is outweighed by the obligations of life. Over and over again we are told about the negative effect of stress on our lives. We are bombarded daily with ads for prescription stress relievers and told this miracle "thing" will relieve your stress. We know that stress causes fatigue, fatigue limits our sexual drive, limited sexual drive limits the amount of oxytocin and DHEA hormones released in our body, and these hormones are directly correlated with an individuals overall health.

Oxytocin is a hormone released during orgasm. (It's the feel good hormone) Ocytocin is good for the heart! It's true, and I will bet my last dollar that there are only a handful of pharmaceutical companies or physicians that are going to tell anyone that this hormone actually helps to reduce blood pressure as well as cortisol levels in the body. So put simply put an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away!!!! Oxytocin, according to Dixie Meyers 2007, "Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors and Their Effects of Relationship Satisfaction" article in the The Family Journal, says that it (Oxytocin) evokes feelings of contentment with our mates as well as a reduction in anxiety. It's a "bonding" naturally produced chemical, and here you thought sex was just for the O!!! The Neuroscience of Sharing by Jessie Poquerusse would indicate that oxytocin, released during orgasm can reduce and even alleviate stress effectively.

The studies having been performed in the last 10 years, and the ones going on today are showing that sex and orgasm can reduce stress. They are proving scientifically (FINALLY) benefits of sex and intimacy beyond procreation. Yes, I must sound a bit like the Peace & Love "Hippy" movement, (Most likely I am a direct result of that particular social movement. Thanks mom and dad!) but whether you take the scientific fact from one end of the spectrum to the other, the fact remains the same. The hormone released during orgasm is beneficial to your body, mood and stress level.

How to find the desire for sex when you are stressed out, hair crazy, bug-eyed, bills due must work harder, obligations out the butt, no time, life of extreme exhaustion. (I know it's a run on sentence, but I didn't have time to punctuate) If you are in a relationship, this is a team effort.

It used to be that we (the average non-billionaire) could outsource the light work of running our homes and careers. We could once or twice a week call the neighborhood babysitter to come in and take care of the children to give the parents some alone time. Now, it's a little harder than that, at least from my experience. So here are a couple "in-house" tips to help you to get or help your partner get a little more into the mood.

Use candles, they set such a beautiful ambiance in the bedroom. The glow from the candle is also quite flattering for those of us who sometimes have body image issues. Any candle is fine for the look of the room, but you can go a step further by adding in either some aromatherapy candles. Focus on the scents that are not too floral, you want some spice scent in there as well. Cedar wood, Ginger, Jasmine, Lavender are all great scents that are easily found in candle form.

You can also use an oil burner, tea light and some essential oils like the above mentioned oils, as well as a sweet basil oil, bergamot, black pepper, rose, Clary sage and sandalwood just to name a few.

There is a step beyond even this, if you choose you can incorporate a pheromone infused candle, not only are these scented beautifully, they have pheromones infused so they are doing double duty, if you will.

Using candles incorporates one to two of your five senses. If you use the candle simply for ambiance and the warm glow they emit you are engaging the sense of sight. Most of us are visual lovers as well so that warm flickering glow across your lovers face or yours will invoke an intimate response. If you choose to incorporate the aromatherapy aspect you are also incorporating a second of your senses in smell.

Using the candle alone is great, I do suggest that you also incorporate the sense of smell as well. You can do this with a room spray, perfume, cologne, scented bubble bath or body spray. There are also linen sprays that are pheromone infused to assist you in developing this sensual sense.

Taste, what a great way to get the motor running (if not gunning) for some frisky sex but some sexy tasty treats. There are numerous products out there that can be applied directly to the body then kissed, licked or sucked off. Body toppings, flavored condoms and dental dams etc... but you can also incorporate some fruits (yes the energy contained in the fruit will give you a little spike to assist you in your endurance) Strawberries, Kiwi, Pomegranate, and Cherries are awesome fun and super sexy.

Envelop the room with the sound of music. Music, like so much else affects our mood. It evokes an emotional responses. If you goal is sensual & erotic check out Enigma. Their music just oozes sex. Or you can go with some sounds of nature, it is a primal act and what better sound for setting a fantasy, a sensual environment than the sound of waterfalls gently cascading in the background. Sex is primal, so the sounds of the jungle just beg for some crazy monkey sex.

Finally, touch to set the mood for intimacy. There are so many things that touch our bodies though out the day some things are so comfortable we could just fall asleep in them, others so uncomfortable that we rip em off as soon as we get home. The sense of touch can be as simple as taking your lovers hand and leading them in to the room you set up just to seduce them. It can be asking your lover to wear that special item in the morning before they leave for work. A feather, or leather strap can be great fun. Silk ties or the cold steel of handcuffs says you are serious. All these things, depending on what you're into are useful things to employ the sense of touch. Sweet little kisses over their face and neck are often enough to get them to understand and anticipate what is to come.

In the morning create an atmosphere of anticipation. When my husband is on the way home, I sneak into one of his shirts and answer the door half unbuttoned and with a big smile. I have also been known to stick a pair of panties, with an "I want you note" in his coat pocket and tell him to check his pocket before he gets to work. Sending your lover off in the morning with a specific piece of undies sets both of you in anticipation mode. It's super sneaky sexy fun to walk out the door knowing your lover requested you to wear those silk boxers or that super sexy garter and stockings. You'll be thinking about them all day and they will be thinking about you. Send a sexy text throughout the day, just a simple "I can't wait to see you, I'm so hot right now" will give the receiver something unexpected and something to look forward to.

This doesn't take a lot of effort, you don't have to go buy anything to accomplish a super sensual ambiance and you don't have to leave your home to do so. The person creating the sexual space gets to have their sexy little hands in every aspect of the planning and the partner to be seduced has the anticipation of whats to come. A little surprise goes a long way, but spending moments throughout the day anticipating whats to come can drive it home.

So take just 10 minutes, light a candle, get the Ipod or MP3 set up, grab a pomegranate while your shopping for the evening meal. Take turns with your partner. She seduces him sometime this week and he seduces her next week. Share the responsibility of seduction and keeping each other in the mood. Share the intimacy and share the sexual benefits to come with an orgasm. If you have kids, you can set your bedroom while they are getting ready for bed and get your sexy on after they are asleep or reasonably secured in rest mode.

Have fun, have sex for your health (as if you needed another reason) and as always....

Stay curvy!

XOXO

Check your Sexual Palette

before you talk about spicing it up. I sell sex related goods for a living, and it's not very often you will find someone who is going to tell you not to jump to their store and spend your hard-earned money. So listen up, "Don't jump to my store and spend your hard-earned money until you consider these things." I said it. I have a real issue with throwing money at problems and hoping they take an extended trip to the mall. Seriously. So for the purpose of this "spice" related article we'll use the term Mild, Medium, Hot & Fire. (I really want to take a trip to Taco Bell at the moment?)

Lets first talk about sexual palette. When I say this, I usually get those one eyebrow arched looks from my group. So let me clarify what I mean by this. Your sexual palette is similar to your taste palette. Some people are blessed with an expansive palette in the culinary world. They can distinguish and enjoy (for the most part) many things put in their mouths. Therefore a sexual palette it's pretty much the same only with a physical and sexual twist. Again, some people are blessed with an expansive sexual palette and can find and seek out sexual pleasure in a multitude of ways and activities. So your sexual palette is the gauge in which you choose your sexual activities. Keeping that in mind lets look at the spice level of the different sexual palettes.

Mild: This is the small pleasures or no spice palettes. This person is the one who is "fine" with partially successful sexual encounters. Happy with missionary. Reserved (or embarrassed) when it comes to sex, and don't even mention oral or anal. Generally not very vocal about sexual desires. Rarely initiates sexual encounters. Considers sex to be obligatory (if in a relationship). They rarely masturbate, or when they do they deny it. The mention of the word "sex" or "sex toys" makes them blush and divert their eyes from the speaker. They are the "lights off" people. The partially dressed, "you don't need to see it to do it, I took the undies off but am leaving on my night-shirt" people. They sometimes get embarrassed or irritated when a sex scene flashes across the screen. Sex toys? *blushes*

It's ok, there are so many people in this stage of the sexual palette. There is nothing wrong with being satisfied with the small sexual pleasures. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this sexual palette, it's just as healthy and individual as the rest. If you find yourself and/or your partner are in this sexual palette, are satisfied and happy; I say to you WONDERFUL! Don't fix what isn't broken! However, if you and/or your partner find this category fits you and you are NOT satisfied, or happy with it you need to take a moment to yourself and evaluate what would be satisfying for you.

One last mention on this particular sexual palette, at some point in our lives we are all in this stage. It might be a short period of time or expand the entirety of our lives and it can come and go like the wind. The only time this stage becomes an issue in relationships is when one partner is in this stage for an extended period of time and the other partner is not. Before you run out and buy some whips and chains, evaluate where you are sexually and where you want to be. Take small steps and NEVER go beyond what you are comfortable with to please someone else. It's your body you are simply allowing someone else access to it, not ownership.

Medium: These are the step beyond the mild palette types. They are happy with sex while still a bit reserved. They will occasionally switch up sexual positions and do small experimentations. Oral sex is a small part of their sexual lives and desires. They will occasionally initiate sexual encounters. During special moments they will vocalize a sexual desire either before, during or after sex. They might look away at the mention of "sex" or "sex toys" but they are listening. They might "peek" at the sex scenes but are not comfortable actively watching them. Lights on or off, it depends on their mood as does the level of their dress or undress. They masturbate on occasion but "please don't ask me about it". Toys, they are open to the idea but are less experienced with toy fun. As with all the sexual palettes, there is nothing wrong with these palettes. If you and/or your partner are happy and content with your sexual lives why change it?

Hot: Even further along are the hot palette types. These enjoy sex, they engage, initiate and actively participate in it. Foreplay is important and can last for hours. Oral sex is a big ole' yes! They consider if not dabble in the fringe sex styles (BDSM, Fetish sex, same-sex experimentation, tantra study) They are vocal about their sexual desires, before during and after sex. They will watch those sex scenes without wavering or a pinkish tinge flushing their faces. They might even want to "try it out". Lights on or off, kitchen or bedroom, office or home they are down for it. Masturbating? They are the "yes, and I like it" people. They actively seek out their own sexual pleasures and are not afraid to ask for what they want. Like the two palettes prior, there is nothing wrong with this palette. Not one is better than the other as long as the involved parties are comfortable and satisfied. Toys, sure they have a few and they know how to use them.

Fire: These types are out of the frying pan and straight into the fire. They seek out extreme sexual encounters, they hunt for that next thrill that test of endurance. Oral, Anal, Podiary Sex, the if you can think it and make it fit and it feels good sex. These people are sexual acrobats and fringe sex is their speciality. They study, experiment in and savor sex and sexual variety. Porn is a part of their sexual repertoire and they enjoy to act out scenes with their lovers. Masturbating, "can I please?" These types thrive on sexual pleasure, they go beyond asking for what they want to ensuring that they get it. They are the more the merrier, the sex on a park bench mid-day. The traffic jam oral next to the guy or girl in the truck or suv so they can see people. These are the "I might need a new set of luggage for all my toys."

Again, not one of these palettes are "better" or "worse" than the next. They are as individual as the people and are not exclusive. You can be a lights off, anal loving Tantric goddess, can't watch a sex scene person. The best thing about sex is that you can do what ever your like (as long as its legal) and as long as your partner is willing to go along with you in it. I'm a humanist, I strongly believe that if it feels good, if it is legal, and if your partner is willing to allow or go along with it then DO IT! There are so many attributes to describe the various sexual tendencies, but that would require a book not a blog. If you want to do a self-evaluation, see where you fall in with your own sexual tendencies take a minute and jot down that you like, think about what palette you think it might fall into and have fun with it.

Now lets take a look at where you are and where you want to be. Again, and I cannot stress this enough, not one palette is better than the next and if it's not broken then don't f'ing try to fix it.

Evaluate three things to determine what level of spice you are willing to participate in.

Exercise One:

1. What you currently do.
2. What you are open or willing to do.
3. What you won't do.

It's easier to do this in columns. Write your header then your list under each header.

You can do this alone or with your partner. This is the first step in adding spice to your sex life, if you choose to. Again, if you and your partner are satisfied and happy with your current sexual palette there is no need to change it. This exercise not only defines your desires and expresses your "deal breakers" it opens a line of intimate communication between you and your partner. (Super super important in terms of intimacy)

Exercise Two:

Similar to the first exercise do this in columns and fill in your own ideals of what sexual activity falls into which sexual palette for you,

1. Mild
2. Medium
3. Hot
4. Fire

Again, you can do this alone or with your partner. Use the notes from the first exercise to add in here where you feel they fit. The entirety of these exercises are to get you to think about your sexual palette and decide if "spice" is what you are actually seeking or if INTIMACY is the ultimate goal. You can have the most awesome sex on the planet, but if you are lacking intimacy adding spice won't really do that much for you.

Get creative with what you are willing to do within your comfort zone and take a serious look at these either alone or with your partner before you break out your seriously hard-earned cash to try to buy spice. There is no right or wrong answer, no right or wrong palette so have fun, engage your partner in the activity and most importantly...

Stay Curvy!


XOXO