One of the problems about discussing BDSM and kink with those not so familiar with it is that every conversation has to start with the basics. Anytime I start trying to educate someone about kink culture and my role as a sadist, I have to make sure that they understand the terms that I will be using; words like "sadist" , "dominant", and "scene". While this is important to be sure that everyone is on the same page and able to communicate in the same language, it doesn't leave much room for questions and answers beyond the mere basics. In fact Curvy and I received quite a few questions both during the show and directly after that we just didn't have the time to address on air.
But never let it be said that I intentionally leave people wanting more! After all, as I said on the show, I'm a sadist not an asshole.
So while there were a bunch of questions that I will get to over time, two questions specifically cropped up that I wanted to address in my initial post here. The questions deal with how I as a sadist deal with abuse. Specifically I was asked:
- If you see someone being abused, what do you do?
- If you see a kid abusing an animal, what do you do?
This is a topic that I think is really important. Not just to me as a sadist, but to me as a human.
The first question, though, was rather open ended as to how "abuse" is defined can change depending on context. If I'm grocery shopping and I see a parent refusing to buy their child a candy bar we can be pretty sure that at least the child is convinced they are the victim of abuse while the rest of us smile and go on with our day. Please don't get me wrong, though, I am not making light of abuse by any stretch of the imagination. I'm merely trying to put into context that the term "abuse" can be seen in a number of different ways. Hence I will be answering this question in a number of different ways.
Physical abuse in public
As much as I wish I could say differently, I have witnessed physical abuse take place in public. From a guy getting rough with his girlfriend, to a wife breaking a bottle over her husband's head. I've also seen my fair share of bar fights, slap fights, hair pulling and plain old posturing push fights.
Being the person that I am, for better or worse, I have chosen almost every time to involve myself in these situations. I will try to stop things from getting too far out of control. Sometime I have just had to call the police where those involved can hear me, other times I will try and get between those getting physical. Regardless though I can never just stand aside and allow someone to be abused. My parents raised me better than that.
While I am a sexual sadist there's a world of difference between two (or more) consenting adults deciding to engage in pain play and two (or more) people deciding to harm one another.
Physical abuse within the BDSM world
Just because we're kinky doesn't mean we don't have rules. That's something I want everyone to understand. Abuse can, and does, happen within kink culture and BDSM communities. Anything from untrained tops harming their scene partners to unconsensual emotional and verbal abuse to plain physical abuse within a relationship. I won't get into how prevalent it may or may not be but sufficeth to say that the vanilla world hasn't cornered the market on bad relationships quite yet.
When I see those types of things going on in the BDSM community my reactions are, generally speaking, much the same. I get involved. If it is happening at a dungeon or a play party I immediately find a Dungeon Monitor and let them know about the situation. If I don't think there is time or things have gone too far already I will stop the scene myself and try to get help as soon as possible. I would much rather be rude in those situations than wrong.
Abuse within the BDSM community and kink culture needs to be taken seriously and not just brushed under the rug. It is NOT a normal thing and is NEVER acceptable.
If you see a kid abusing an animal, what do you do?
If I wanted I could give you my standard answer of "I get involved" but when dealing with children, especially other people's children, things get a little trickier. But honestly, I would have to get involved. If I saw a child abusing an animal I would have to intervene. Physically if necessary.
Most young children do not have the mental facilities to make determinations between the gray levels of right and wrong that most adults develop over time. Sure it is absolutely possible that the child is a budding sexual sadist and doesn't know how to express what they are feeling, but it is just as likely (if not more so) that the child is acting out based on any number of different things in their life. Regardless of reason I think it is so very important that they learn that society will not tolerate this kind of action.
I would want to, first and foremost, put a stop to the abuse taking place. No animal, person, or being, deserves to be abused and it should stop as soon as possible. Only when the situation is in control would I attempt to determine the cause and reason behind the child's actions. I would also want to find the child's parents or guardians and be sure that they are aware of what has happened. I wouldn't assume that the child was a sadist like myself any more than I would jump to that conclusion when one first grader shoves another on the playground.
Being kinky isn't an excuse to be abusive
Just because I'm a sadist doesn't mean that I have a license to be an abusive jerk. That's not the way things work in the BDSM world or ANY world. No matter what your sexuality, your age, your gender, your background, or your mental facilities abuse is never acceptable. Period. There are too many support groups, organizations, people, and places that are out there to think that abuse is something to be put up with or ignored.
I hope that I was able to answer these questions, or at the very least give you some insight into how this sadist's mind deals with these questions.
If you have questions about BDSM, kink culture, alternative sexuality, sadism or something specific for me please feel free to send them to: Curvy or myself and we'll do our best to answer them.
Those of you that are interested in reading some of my older essays and writings you can head on over to reddit.com and see a listing on them here.
Until next time, kinksters, be safe and have fun!