and my purely scientific investigation of BDSM. (Fine, that's a lie but whatever). I've been reading The Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taormino. This book is pretty fascinating and has the various segments written by "Masters" in their respective techniques, such as Midori, Lolita Wolf, Laura Antoniou and Madison Young.
It's broken down into nice bite size pieces that even I can handle and absorb into my tiny brain. Not to mention it's extremely well written. It's like Tristan has brought together the rock stars of the BDSM community. There is so much information out there regarding this particular community. A large percentage of it from what I can tell is a little on the skeevy side but there are some genuine people willing and able to teach and impart their knowledge on the subject. This book is definitely on my recommendation list.
I'm also reading Awakening by Elene Sallinger, a second piece of erotic fiction after finally making it through the second book in the FSOG series. (Sorry, I still like these. It's an easy read and I just substitute my own words for her redundant descriptives) Though I have found some similarities, "Stilling" is used in this work as well as is the whole biting her lower lip bringing a raging woody to the uber-hot un-attainable Dom. It causes me to wonder, is this how it starts for single ladies out there discovering their kink? It seems to be a popular trend in fiction, that's for certain.
I've discussed with the honey the prospect of getting a little hands on in my "research", ahem, yeah, that's it Research! I've had him read some of my reading list and tell me what he thinks. I also directed him to the CEPE page posted in an earlier post. Poor thing forgot his English and I'm still uncertain exactly how he responded verbally, but the physical response was well, lets just say exciting. He is an angel and thankfully he goes right along with me in what ever hair-brained sex-capade I get distracted with or my flavor of the month.
I do find it intimidating, even a little scary. I'm pretty type A personality, OCD, clean freak, and what did my producer call me, oh yeah, a germaphobe (not sure that's a word but anyhoo). I do struggle with what "role" I closely identify with. In life I'm pretty much a very dominant personality I control all within my tiny universe (or think I do anyway). Hence the confusion. A Dominant as in the D of the D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship just isn't necessarily something I'm comfortable with. In point of fact, I think I would more closely relate to the submissive in this aspect. Perhaps it's BECAUSE I tend to control so many of the other aspects of our lives, I seek the reprieve from decision-making, scheduling etc... Or perhaps I'm confusing the roles completely.
This establishment of roles and guidelines is essential in the community, as well as of course CONSENT. But then there are other roles, one is termed a Switch. Yup, like a switch hitter for all you baseball fans or others. Anyhoo, I may be over thinking this and making it more difficult than it needs or really is. (Not a shocker, I still use a thermometer to boil water, don't judge me! :D )
Or perhaps it's not necessarily ME I'm concerned about. In a LTR (long-term relationship) that has been relatively vanilla for years outside a little spank and tickle, is it even feasible to think that established life roles can be adjusted for pure sexual satisfaction and exploration? I don't know the answer. It's odd how once we start to look out our sexual desires, they soon become needs.
As I said before, I'm pretty Type A. I can tell you exactly where something is in my home without even looking or thinking because everything has its place. (as long as no one has moved it on me, drives me nuts!) My honey is so relaxed and laid back with me, that it may be part of the reason I'm so dominant in my role as wife and business partner. Yet, let anyone else step wonky to either of us and the fury of the G_ds looks like a happy place to anyone who crosses him. Maybe, I am already in a submissive role and simply don't recognize it for what it is? Perhaps the power exchange that is so prevalent in the BDSM community is merely an illusion, a consensual and albeit convincing one, but still an illusion. Is it possible to be both Dominant and submissive? Is it possible to relinquish control to gain control? Is it possible that one can be so focused on task that they unwittingly become submissive in that action? Maybe I'm just the perfect sub to honeys Dom tendencies or is it the other way around?
Maybe as we seek out our partners we find that perfect mix of I want this, that and the other that when we find it the power exchange is made without our even realizing it. This is one of the reasons I think I'm so intrigued by the BDSM culture. He wanted a wife who was driven to succeed, extremely clean, with a mind for business and adventurous with a big ole bootay. I wanted the strong, silent, pick me up when I fall & treat me like a Queen, Knight in Shining Armor.
Again, maybe just maybe this is part of the discovery process. Perhaps I need to spend more time thinking about, pondering and musing over sexuality. (As IF, I don't do it enough already) Perhaps everyone needs to take a moment regularly and think about sex and their desires. No more dead bedroom issues, no more unsatisfactory outcomes, no more "I wish ____ would _____." Has western culture deprived us of our ability to be sexual creatures comfortably? Maybe we have allowed it so long that for some sex is more perfunctory than pleasure. Have we been convinced that sensation and the experience of physical sensation is reduced to good vs bad?
The techniques and the level of communication is still astounding to me. I love it, I really love it! I may find myself stagnated in this spot of role definition but talking about the variety of kink has taken over our sexy bed time talk so we shall see. Maybe I need to get out the chocolate syrup to mix up our vanilla. Or I may just accidentally bring home some product to try out before it gets to go on the store site. :D (Career with bene's IJS)
Perhaps kink is like a seed, it may or may not grow it just depends on whether or not you water it. Either way, it appears the more I learn the more questions I have. You know curiosity and the cat? I feel like one in a room full of rocking chairs! But it's an interesting escapade and I am really enjoying the journey and the lovely people I've gotten to meet and talk with.
One thing I will say about this adventure is that while I'm still uncommitted to the lifestyle, it sure has been enlightening and at the least has brought out some questions and aren't they really the pave-stones of the paths we choose?
This Saturday kicks off our Kinky Clause, there are 5 segments each Saturday in December at 10:00pm. This segment may be extended based on the interest and request of readers and listeners alike. The link to this weekends show is
Sex Talk with Curvy Due to scheduling conflict, the initial show will be re-aired on its scheduled date rather than live. If you have any questions for our guest, please get them in to me as soon as possible.
So grab the water hose, spray me down, stay sexy, tune in for our kinky clause segments and as always...
Stay Curvy
XOXO
