Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Stress and Sex

More often than not the stresses of life affect our sex lives, our intimacy level with our partners and our overall sexual health. It's a quandary that is difficult to get out of. If we are stressed our desire for sex is outweighed by the obligations of life. Over and over again we are told about the negative effect of stress on our lives. We are bombarded daily with ads for prescription stress relievers and told this miracle "thing" will relieve your stress. We know that stress causes fatigue, fatigue limits our sexual drive, limited sexual drive limits the amount of oxytocin and DHEA hormones released in our body, and these hormones are directly correlated with an individuals overall health.

Oxytocin is a hormone released during orgasm. (It's the feel good hormone) Ocytocin is good for the heart! It's true, and I will bet my last dollar that there are only a handful of pharmaceutical companies or physicians that are going to tell anyone that this hormone actually helps to reduce blood pressure as well as cortisol levels in the body. So put simply put an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away!!!! Oxytocin, according to Dixie Meyers 2007, "Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors and Their Effects of Relationship Satisfaction" article in the The Family Journal, says that it (Oxytocin) evokes feelings of contentment with our mates as well as a reduction in anxiety. It's a "bonding" naturally produced chemical, and here you thought sex was just for the O!!! The Neuroscience of Sharing by Jessie Poquerusse would indicate that oxytocin, released during orgasm can reduce and even alleviate stress effectively.

The studies having been performed in the last 10 years, and the ones going on today are showing that sex and orgasm can reduce stress. They are proving scientifically (FINALLY) benefits of sex and intimacy beyond procreation. Yes, I must sound a bit like the Peace & Love "Hippy" movement, (Most likely I am a direct result of that particular social movement. Thanks mom and dad!) but whether you take the scientific fact from one end of the spectrum to the other, the fact remains the same. The hormone released during orgasm is beneficial to your body, mood and stress level.

How to find the desire for sex when you are stressed out, hair crazy, bug-eyed, bills due must work harder, obligations out the butt, no time, life of extreme exhaustion. (I know it's a run on sentence, but I didn't have time to punctuate) If you are in a relationship, this is a team effort.

It used to be that we (the average non-billionaire) could outsource the light work of running our homes and careers. We could once or twice a week call the neighborhood babysitter to come in and take care of the children to give the parents some alone time. Now, it's a little harder than that, at least from my experience. So here are a couple "in-house" tips to help you to get or help your partner get a little more into the mood.

Use candles, they set such a beautiful ambiance in the bedroom. The glow from the candle is also quite flattering for those of us who sometimes have body image issues. Any candle is fine for the look of the room, but you can go a step further by adding in either some aromatherapy candles. Focus on the scents that are not too floral, you want some spice scent in there as well. Cedar wood, Ginger, Jasmine, Lavender are all great scents that are easily found in candle form.

You can also use an oil burner, tea light and some essential oils like the above mentioned oils, as well as a sweet basil oil, bergamot, black pepper, rose, Clary sage and sandalwood just to name a few.

There is a step beyond even this, if you choose you can incorporate a pheromone infused candle, not only are these scented beautifully, they have pheromones infused so they are doing double duty, if you will.

Using candles incorporates one to two of your five senses. If you use the candle simply for ambiance and the warm glow they emit you are engaging the sense of sight. Most of us are visual lovers as well so that warm flickering glow across your lovers face or yours will invoke an intimate response. If you choose to incorporate the aromatherapy aspect you are also incorporating a second of your senses in smell.

Using the candle alone is great, I do suggest that you also incorporate the sense of smell as well. You can do this with a room spray, perfume, cologne, scented bubble bath or body spray. There are also linen sprays that are pheromone infused to assist you in developing this sensual sense.

Taste, what a great way to get the motor running (if not gunning) for some frisky sex but some sexy tasty treats. There are numerous products out there that can be applied directly to the body then kissed, licked or sucked off. Body toppings, flavored condoms and dental dams etc... but you can also incorporate some fruits (yes the energy contained in the fruit will give you a little spike to assist you in your endurance) Strawberries, Kiwi, Pomegranate, and Cherries are awesome fun and super sexy.

Envelop the room with the sound of music. Music, like so much else affects our mood. It evokes an emotional responses. If you goal is sensual & erotic check out Enigma. Their music just oozes sex. Or you can go with some sounds of nature, it is a primal act and what better sound for setting a fantasy, a sensual environment than the sound of waterfalls gently cascading in the background. Sex is primal, so the sounds of the jungle just beg for some crazy monkey sex.

Finally, touch to set the mood for intimacy. There are so many things that touch our bodies though out the day some things are so comfortable we could just fall asleep in them, others so uncomfortable that we rip em off as soon as we get home. The sense of touch can be as simple as taking your lovers hand and leading them in to the room you set up just to seduce them. It can be asking your lover to wear that special item in the morning before they leave for work. A feather, or leather strap can be great fun. Silk ties or the cold steel of handcuffs says you are serious. All these things, depending on what you're into are useful things to employ the sense of touch. Sweet little kisses over their face and neck are often enough to get them to understand and anticipate what is to come.

In the morning create an atmosphere of anticipation. When my husband is on the way home, I sneak into one of his shirts and answer the door half unbuttoned and with a big smile. I have also been known to stick a pair of panties, with an "I want you note" in his coat pocket and tell him to check his pocket before he gets to work. Sending your lover off in the morning with a specific piece of undies sets both of you in anticipation mode. It's super sneaky sexy fun to walk out the door knowing your lover requested you to wear those silk boxers or that super sexy garter and stockings. You'll be thinking about them all day and they will be thinking about you. Send a sexy text throughout the day, just a simple "I can't wait to see you, I'm so hot right now" will give the receiver something unexpected and something to look forward to.

This doesn't take a lot of effort, you don't have to go buy anything to accomplish a super sensual ambiance and you don't have to leave your home to do so. The person creating the sexual space gets to have their sexy little hands in every aspect of the planning and the partner to be seduced has the anticipation of whats to come. A little surprise goes a long way, but spending moments throughout the day anticipating whats to come can drive it home.

So take just 10 minutes, light a candle, get the Ipod or MP3 set up, grab a pomegranate while your shopping for the evening meal. Take turns with your partner. She seduces him sometime this week and he seduces her next week. Share the responsibility of seduction and keeping each other in the mood. Share the intimacy and share the sexual benefits to come with an orgasm. If you have kids, you can set your bedroom while they are getting ready for bed and get your sexy on after they are asleep or reasonably secured in rest mode.

Have fun, have sex for your health (as if you needed another reason) and as always....

Stay curvy!


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