Hi there kinksters! I hope you all survived the holiday season relatively unmarred. Or at least have some great stories as to where you got the new scars!
2013 is so far starting out pretty well for us as we had our first KinkEnd show on Friday, check it out here! KinkEnd is a weekly show where Curvy and myself talk about different aspects of kink culture and BDSM. Last week's show was an introduction to Power Exchange.
Power exchange is one of those terms that if heard out of context can mean so many different things to so many different people but in terms of kink culture it is used to describe a relationship where one person holds a majority of the power. A good easy example is the D/s, or dominant/submissive, relationship where the Dominant partner has more power than the submissive does through mutual agreement.
There are any number of different types of power exchange relationships. There are no set rules or standards that need to be fulfilled to qualify. Some relationships are based on one person having virtually all of the power over the other(s) as would be seen in a Master/Mistress and slave relationship. Other relationships are more situational confining the exchange to only certain times or places such as a D/s couple that only takes place in the bedroom.
It may not be for everyone, but it's something that many people find to be sexy and worth trying out.
To learn more about Power Exchange relationships give the show a listen. We hope you enjoy it!
If you have any questions about Power Exchange let me know in the comment section below.
KinkEnd's next show is an Introduction to Sensation and Pain play. And I have to say, as a sadist I'm rather looking forward to this one! :D
If you have questions about BDSM, kink culture,
alternative sexuality, sadism or something specific for me please feel
free to send them to: darr_syn@curvysaftermidnight.comdarr_syn@curvysaftermidnight.com and I'll do our
best to answer them. You can also send them to my new twitter account @darr_syn at your leisure. Also be sure to check out our sister blog over on wordpress curviesmuses.com
Those of you that are interested in
reading some of my older essays and writings you can head on over to
reddit.com and see a listing on them here.
Until next time, kinksters, be safe and have fun!
DS
Showing posts with label fetish. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fetish. Show all posts
Monday, January 7, 2013
Friday, December 14, 2012
Dangerous "Webmasters"
Per request this is an essay I wrote about "Webmasters" early this year and was mentioned on the first radio show I did with Curvy.
Let me preface this post by saying I don’t expect
everyone to like it, nor agree with what I have to say. This may well
be more rant than essay by the time I’m done.
There’s a distinct line of demarcation in BDSM. It’s not the line of tops and bottoms, or slaves and masters, nor even pain and pleasure. Sure, those lines do exist but to a much lower degree than what I am discussing. Every day there are people that switch roles or sides of the slash that they want to try out or experiment with. But this line I’m talking about is something that many only feel comfortable on one side or the other, and if and when they DO cross. . . things are never the same.
The line I’m talking about is the internet. When someone steps across the line from reading and typing about something online and actually doing it in real life they’ve crossed the line.
It honestly shocks me whenever I read or hear about someone saying they have years of experience in BDSM but only tack on “online” when prompted or pushed. As if there’s not a difference between reading something and DOING something. You cannot learn how to throw a flogger by reading about it, you cannot understand how to cane someone by watching a video, you cannot take part in a knife scene by typing “I take out my knife”.
Now I’m fully aware that I am of that weird age right now where I grew up without the internet at my fingertips. I didn’t have three computers, a few laptops, a smartphone and a computer lab at school at all times. When I needed to research something I didn’t just “wiki” it, I actually had to REASEARCH it. That being said though, I built my first computer when I was 12 years old and followed the development of the internet with avid interest.
What scares the living fuck out of me is where the internet has brought BDSM. I’m not talking about the chat rooms or the forums. I’m talking about a subspecies of the BDSM practitioners.
The “webmasters”.
These people have little to no real world experience yet demand titles and rights, virtually of course, from all they happen to run across on the ‘net. They’ve “been in the scene” from anywhere from birth to age 15 and will list out any number of “skills” they possess. Needless to say they won’t tell you that they’ve never held a crop in their hand in their life.
These people are dangerous.
Not in the “cool and sexy” way dangerous, but more like the “I need therapy and a restraining order” dangerous.
Many times these webmasters spend no effort in learning about what BDSM is and can be, they are either basing their ideas on stories they may have read or just porn they’ve fapped to. They don’t understand the basics of kink like aftercare, negotiation, respect and they sure as hell don’t get the more intricate aspects like timing, limits, pushing and experience. All they know is that they can live out the fantasies in their mind by typing or speaking. They don’t REALLY have to worry about the person on the other end of the ‘net. . . I mean they WANT this right?
I want to be clear here. I’m not talking about people that are in a kinky long distance relationship (LDR). There is a significant difference between an LDR between two people that are making an effort to be together despite the distance and someone that’s abusive to people they barely know via the internet.
Now I don’t care if there are claims of “But I don’t want to be part of the community” or “The local scene is stupid” or even “There aren’t any kinksters near me”. NONE of that matters when it comes to how you present yourself and how you treat others in a virtual community.
So let me piss off a whole bunch of people here: Online “experience” doesn’t count for shit.
Seriously, if you’ve never had a scene in real life, never topped or bottomed in a scene YOU DO NOT HAVE EXPERIENCE. What you have is random knowledge. More than likely misinformed and piecemeal knowledge that can cause dangerous situations when applied in either a virtual “scene” or your first real world scene.
But let me get practical here. Who cares what these random assholes claim or do? I do, and you should as well. These are the people that lurk on the forums and on the dating websites. Looking for new people that don’t know any better than to ask the right questions. These webmasters will PM or message someone with grandiose claims with demands of obedience or servitude and the new person, not knowing any better, will fall for it. Their first foray into BDSM will be with someone that doesn’t know what the fuck they are doing yet claim to be a “master” with 167 years experience. So now when this webmaster commands this new person to do unhealthy and dangerous things since they’ve “done this hundreds of times before” the new person, who WOULD have been a wonderful addition to the BDSM scene, is harmed, shamed and disgusted with the very idea of kink. All because some jackass wanted to get their rocks off.
I have personally talked to people that have been physically, mentally, emotionally and intellectually abused and damaged by people just like this. They’ve been people on BOTH sides of the slash. I’ve talked to bottoms that were literally scarred by what was done to them in the name of “learning”. I’ve talked to tops that ended up in therapy due to bottoms that were too demanding.
It may be true that the internet is a safer place than it was 20 years ago, but there are still places where the dangers are a real thing. BDSM is one of those places. Kink is one of those things that many people want and desire a level of anonymity when starting out and for some throughout their entire kinky career. Yet anonymity can hide a multitude of faults.
Time after time I read here about people asking questions, which is AWESOME by the way, about how to get started in kink. But I also read a disturbing amount of topics about how people dismiss communities and “real world” activities for various reasons. So many times I cringe while reading those types of posts since I am then forced to wonder. . . where did they get their experience?
I’m not saying that anyone not involved in a real world community is dangerous, although I’ve stated before it’s a red flag for me, nor that those people should be shunned. I’m saying that these “webmasters” are a danger to everyone. Not just new people, but to those of us that are established as well. They are the ones that end up in newspapers under headlines reading “Sex Play Has Tragic Consequences” or “Abuse Victim Met Attacker Online”. These webmasters don’t just give BDSM a bad name they are taking people out of kink altogether. They are making our kinky world smaller with ever badly type command and typo ridden PM.
Why should they care after all? There will always be someone else logging on for the first time. There will always be someone else that doesn’t know enough to ask questions. There will always be those that want to believe and to belong. So who cares that they’ve damaged and harmed some random person on the ‘net. They just need to wait and try again with the next fresh face.
------------------------------------
Please feel free to send any comments or questions to darr_syn@curvysaftermidnight.com
Until next time kinksters, stay safe and have fun!
DS
There’s a distinct line of demarcation in BDSM. It’s not the line of tops and bottoms, or slaves and masters, nor even pain and pleasure. Sure, those lines do exist but to a much lower degree than what I am discussing. Every day there are people that switch roles or sides of the slash that they want to try out or experiment with. But this line I’m talking about is something that many only feel comfortable on one side or the other, and if and when they DO cross. . . things are never the same.
The line I’m talking about is the internet. When someone steps across the line from reading and typing about something online and actually doing it in real life they’ve crossed the line.
It honestly shocks me whenever I read or hear about someone saying they have years of experience in BDSM but only tack on “online” when prompted or pushed. As if there’s not a difference between reading something and DOING something. You cannot learn how to throw a flogger by reading about it, you cannot understand how to cane someone by watching a video, you cannot take part in a knife scene by typing “I take out my knife”.
Now I’m fully aware that I am of that weird age right now where I grew up without the internet at my fingertips. I didn’t have three computers, a few laptops, a smartphone and a computer lab at school at all times. When I needed to research something I didn’t just “wiki” it, I actually had to REASEARCH it. That being said though, I built my first computer when I was 12 years old and followed the development of the internet with avid interest.
What scares the living fuck out of me is where the internet has brought BDSM. I’m not talking about the chat rooms or the forums. I’m talking about a subspecies of the BDSM practitioners.
The “webmasters”.
These people have little to no real world experience yet demand titles and rights, virtually of course, from all they happen to run across on the ‘net. They’ve “been in the scene” from anywhere from birth to age 15 and will list out any number of “skills” they possess. Needless to say they won’t tell you that they’ve never held a crop in their hand in their life.
These people are dangerous.
Not in the “cool and sexy” way dangerous, but more like the “I need therapy and a restraining order” dangerous.
Many times these webmasters spend no effort in learning about what BDSM is and can be, they are either basing their ideas on stories they may have read or just porn they’ve fapped to. They don’t understand the basics of kink like aftercare, negotiation, respect and they sure as hell don’t get the more intricate aspects like timing, limits, pushing and experience. All they know is that they can live out the fantasies in their mind by typing or speaking. They don’t REALLY have to worry about the person on the other end of the ‘net. . . I mean they WANT this right?
I want to be clear here. I’m not talking about people that are in a kinky long distance relationship (LDR). There is a significant difference between an LDR between two people that are making an effort to be together despite the distance and someone that’s abusive to people they barely know via the internet.
Now I don’t care if there are claims of “But I don’t want to be part of the community” or “The local scene is stupid” or even “There aren’t any kinksters near me”. NONE of that matters when it comes to how you present yourself and how you treat others in a virtual community.
So let me piss off a whole bunch of people here: Online “experience” doesn’t count for shit.
Seriously, if you’ve never had a scene in real life, never topped or bottomed in a scene YOU DO NOT HAVE EXPERIENCE. What you have is random knowledge. More than likely misinformed and piecemeal knowledge that can cause dangerous situations when applied in either a virtual “scene” or your first real world scene.
But let me get practical here. Who cares what these random assholes claim or do? I do, and you should as well. These are the people that lurk on the forums and on the dating websites. Looking for new people that don’t know any better than to ask the right questions. These webmasters will PM or message someone with grandiose claims with demands of obedience or servitude and the new person, not knowing any better, will fall for it. Their first foray into BDSM will be with someone that doesn’t know what the fuck they are doing yet claim to be a “master” with 167 years experience. So now when this webmaster commands this new person to do unhealthy and dangerous things since they’ve “done this hundreds of times before” the new person, who WOULD have been a wonderful addition to the BDSM scene, is harmed, shamed and disgusted with the very idea of kink. All because some jackass wanted to get their rocks off.
I have personally talked to people that have been physically, mentally, emotionally and intellectually abused and damaged by people just like this. They’ve been people on BOTH sides of the slash. I’ve talked to bottoms that were literally scarred by what was done to them in the name of “learning”. I’ve talked to tops that ended up in therapy due to bottoms that were too demanding.
It may be true that the internet is a safer place than it was 20 years ago, but there are still places where the dangers are a real thing. BDSM is one of those places. Kink is one of those things that many people want and desire a level of anonymity when starting out and for some throughout their entire kinky career. Yet anonymity can hide a multitude of faults.
Time after time I read here about people asking questions, which is AWESOME by the way, about how to get started in kink. But I also read a disturbing amount of topics about how people dismiss communities and “real world” activities for various reasons. So many times I cringe while reading those types of posts since I am then forced to wonder. . . where did they get their experience?
I’m not saying that anyone not involved in a real world community is dangerous, although I’ve stated before it’s a red flag for me, nor that those people should be shunned. I’m saying that these “webmasters” are a danger to everyone. Not just new people, but to those of us that are established as well. They are the ones that end up in newspapers under headlines reading “Sex Play Has Tragic Consequences” or “Abuse Victim Met Attacker Online”. These webmasters don’t just give BDSM a bad name they are taking people out of kink altogether. They are making our kinky world smaller with ever badly type command and typo ridden PM.
Why should they care after all? There will always be someone else logging on for the first time. There will always be someone else that doesn’t know enough to ask questions. There will always be those that want to believe and to belong. So who cares that they’ve damaged and harmed some random person on the ‘net. They just need to wait and try again with the next fresh face.
------------------------------------
Please feel free to send any comments or questions to darr_syn@curvysaftermidnight.com
Until next time kinksters, stay safe and have fun!
DS
Friday, December 7, 2012
Sooooooo did any one see...
the last episode of Big Bang Theory?
Looks like I'm not the only one enjoying Kinky Clause! It dawned on me, that this has been the prevalent undercurrent in their relationship nearly from the beginning. Sheldon (♥ him) is the uber-controlling near (or not) megalomaniac and Amy (♥♥ her) is the happy to make him happy subject herself to his whim. (Not saying that all Dom's are megalomaniac, just in this particular case) It fits so well for them.
How funny that I never really saw that coming. When I've had to explain the subtle (and not so subtle) ways of Sheldon to the honey (Second language and all, he misses the intricacies sometimes) I've always just termed him to be that guy who has no unconscious filter. You know, that pesky thing in our brain that tells us to zip it or to stop talking.
But alas, now I have this mental picture of Shelly (Sheldon) decked out in some leather garb wielding a paddle to the rump of a prostrate bound and gagged Amy. Really, it just won't go away. Then I get a little teary thinking Sheldon & Amy may just be kinkier than I!!!!!! Well my lovelies, Challenge Accepted.
Anyhooo, be sure to tune in tomorrow for our next episode in the Kinky Clause segment. Sex Talk with Curvy We go live Saturday, December 8th at 10:00pm CST.
Get your kinky on, accept the sexuality challenge and as always...
Stay Curvy
XOXO
Looks like I'm not the only one enjoying Kinky Clause! It dawned on me, that this has been the prevalent undercurrent in their relationship nearly from the beginning. Sheldon (♥ him) is the uber-controlling near (or not) megalomaniac and Amy (♥♥ her) is the happy to make him happy subject herself to his whim. (Not saying that all Dom's are megalomaniac, just in this particular case) It fits so well for them.
How funny that I never really saw that coming. When I've had to explain the subtle (and not so subtle) ways of Sheldon to the honey (Second language and all, he misses the intricacies sometimes) I've always just termed him to be that guy who has no unconscious filter. You know, that pesky thing in our brain that tells us to zip it or to stop talking.
But alas, now I have this mental picture of Shelly (Sheldon) decked out in some leather garb wielding a paddle to the rump of a prostrate bound and gagged Amy. Really, it just won't go away. Then I get a little teary thinking Sheldon & Amy may just be kinkier than I!!!!!! Well my lovelies, Challenge Accepted.
Anyhooo, be sure to tune in tomorrow for our next episode in the Kinky Clause segment. Sex Talk with Curvy We go live Saturday, December 8th at 10:00pm CST.
Get your kinky on, accept the sexuality challenge and as always...
Stay Curvy
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
I have something special for my lovelies
Just in time for the holidays!
Elene Sallinger has written one of the sexiest erotic novels I've ever read.
Elene Sallinger is a lover of all things lingual, a warrior of words, and a vixen of vocabulary. Her goal is to titillate, provoke, empower and move you with her work which ranges from the erotic to the dramatic and everything in between.
Elene is also the author of At Long Last available on Smashwords, and the upcoming full-length, erotic novel Doing DC from UStar Novels.
You got it, Elene Sallinger is joining us on Sex Talk with Curvy on the 22nd of December. Be sure to tune in.
I mentioned in an earlier post starting to read Awakening, I finished it in one setting, thanks to my Kindle I read in bed next to the honey. It was terribly difficult to let the man sleep through my randy read. I was mighty tempted to wake him up a couple times and say "Read, Do .... NOW" ;) (ya'll know what I'm talkin' about)
But I don't want to give too much away here, because we are gonna get to talk to the woman behind the words! Ohhhhhh I so can't wait!
If you haven't read Awakening yet, you can find it on Amazon. They have it on kindle and if you don't have a kindle you can get the kindle app for your phone.
Get the book, read & be randy :) stay sexy and as always...
Stay Curvy
XOXO
Elene Sallinger has written one of the sexiest erotic novels I've ever read.
Elene Sallinger is a lover of all things lingual, a warrior of words, and a vixen of vocabulary. Her goal is to titillate, provoke, empower and move you with her work which ranges from the erotic to the dramatic and everything in between.
Elene is also the author of At Long Last available on Smashwords, and the upcoming full-length, erotic novel Doing DC from UStar Novels.
You got it, Elene Sallinger is joining us on Sex Talk with Curvy on the 22nd of December. Be sure to tune in.
I mentioned in an earlier post starting to read Awakening, I finished it in one setting, thanks to my Kindle I read in bed next to the honey. It was terribly difficult to let the man sleep through my randy read. I was mighty tempted to wake him up a couple times and say "Read, Do .... NOW" ;) (ya'll know what I'm talkin' about)
But I don't want to give too much away here, because we are gonna get to talk to the woman behind the words! Ohhhhhh I so can't wait!
If you haven't read Awakening yet, you can find it on Amazon. They have it on kindle and if you don't have a kindle you can get the kindle app for your phone.
Get the book, read & be randy :) stay sexy and as always...
Stay Curvy
XOXO
Monday, November 5, 2012
Today in my search
I was lucky enough to stumble across some pages dedicated to noobs to the BDSM community. (yippeee me) Ironically, they appear to be written by the Dom, the Sadist or the Top. (I still don't really know what a Top is, I've an idea though)
On the surface, it would appear that these are the givers to their receivers. That they would most benefit from a noobie they could take and "train" how they pleased. The majority of these articles, (I'll post em in a minute keep your panties on), are written as words of caution to the noobs to not fall prey to "unethical" practitioners.
I think a large part of the non BDSM of society sees these individuals as predators and without ethics. But from my reading, I see them as taking as stance against predatory actions, adding a sense of structure and quite a bit of credibility to their lifestyle. It's ironic to me because these individuals are seen often (by non-practitioners) as abusive, controlling, domineering etc... So to see these "types" issuing words of caution is quite contrary to initial belief.
Don't get me wrong, I've been spanked a few times and my first spanking came when I was 6 or 7 and my mother got out the dreaded belt. My older brother, who was 16 or 17 loves to tell the story. I had done some terrible thing and my mother bent me over the bed and in one fell swoop and crack the belt made such an impression I was across the bed like superman jumping a tall buildings in a single bound. Of the hundreds of family get togethers when the story is told (over and over again) apparently I peeked over the mattress and asked my brother "What was that?" After his fit of laughter he explained that "That, was a spanking". I don't have fond memories of that nor any of the ones to follow, and a severe aversion to pain.
I don't even like for butterflies to land on me cause it skeeves me out their little straw like proboscis and their sharp little bitty sticky feet attaching themselves to my skin. *shudders* I once slammed the car door on my thumb, because I was too concerned with getting off me the creepy little grasshopper that had landed on my leg that I forgot to move my hand as I was doing the "get it off getitoff GETITOFF don't let it get in the car" slamming the door dance. I know I have issues, so anyway.
I bring this up because regardless of this aversion to pain, suffering, bugs, and other creepy things I still find this community to be fascinating. It might be the level of rules and control they exhibit. I found on the CEPE page, it's a group in my area, a BDSM checklist of 200 questions. 200 freaking questions AND they clearly state that there will be more as required by the individual couple. Now, I'm thinking "there are an awful lot of rules" in addition to limits, hard limits and off-limits.
Then I think, how many times do "vanilla" couples have such an in-depth discussions of sexual likes, dislikes and don't even dream about its? The comparison is impossible. The only similarities I can see so far, is the penis to VaJayJay and/or anus for most hetro couples as well as mutual love and respect. (I'd really like to discuss straight vanilla which my understanding is no kink but anyhoo)
So before the onslaught of judgy pant people start, I'll just put my two cents in right now. Do Not Assume that you know the right way to show love and respect between all people. Listen, "your way" is NOT the only right way. K? K! Oh and if your blood pressure is rising from anger or disgust, you might want to stop reading cause it will only get worse. Toodles, see you when this segment is finished. :D Aaaaaaaand moving on...
So back to what I was thinking before I so rudely interrupted myself. This link CEPE Checklist has 200 various questions regarding different "kink" that a couple discusses, marks off etc...
I like the communication aspect of this. It's safer than the "Ya wanna get it on?" where the only discussed rule is to condom or not to condom. Seriously??!!??!! WTF? How are we vanillas missing this very basic form of intimacy? There is apparently a huge amount of preparation prior to the act, and a respect that is honestly, quite amazing to me. I've suggested in the past that we do a sexy letter day, or a weekly wish list with our partners regarding sex. These practitioners, actually perform this on a regular basis and stick to it. No slip ups or excuses. They acknowledge that what they prefer might be considered out of the ordinary and respectfully request permission.
Again, communication is such a huge aspect of intimacy and most of the couples I've spoken to find they are lacking in these areas. He or She doesn't know how or feel comfortable discussing sex, sexual fantasies, what feels good etc... so they rather quickly find that their sexual life and appetites begin to falter if not fall off completely. Yet depending on which study you look at, practitioners of BDSM show a markedly higher percentage of overall sexual satisfaction. So again, it's my belief that due to the extent of communication, in addition to actively pursuing their sexual pleasures within the "accepted" parameters of their sexual relationship, attributes immensely to this higher sexual satisfaction rate.
Now on to Permission? WTF. This entire experience is turning out to be quite the opposite of what I "saw" from the outside looking in. The Doms, Sadists and Tops have to get permission from their counterparts. This is not what one would initially see at first, second or 957,425,543.3 look. I think what most people of the "nilla" type see is abuse, degradation, etc... when in actuality, it's the receiver who elicits complete control. EDIT: There is a negotiation, so the parameters of the sexual interactions are pre-agreed upon. It's counterintuitive to those of us who are peeking in.
When you think of a scene in FSOG, any of them pretty much, or when you "accidentally" type in BDSM to your browser and stumble across some BDSM erotica. You, if you're a vanilla type, might initially see some poor woman or man being abused by a domineering, controlling ass hat. Yet, it's that poor little man or woman who have in part with their partner who have developed the parameters of acceptable, willing and "not gonna happen, ever". They like it and they hold to account their partner. They willingly give their consent to relinquish their own personal power of choice to their partner. (power-play more to follow, when I say so. :D) They have a say in what is or isn't allowed, they have a "safe word" that they are able to use at any time to cease the activity.
Unless we are discussing a Master/slave relationship. (Again more to come on this at a later date) This is yet another topic that will be followed up on. I so was not kidding about the intricacies of this particular sexual lifestyle and its practitioners. There is a huge amount of information out there, that is both interesting and I'll admit, a little intimidating. *still not sceered* ;)
A common practice called "aftercare" is also considered and outlined in their sexual communications. What is aftercare? It's where the couple spends time re-connecting and bond. Yes, bond and this is, in most practitioners lives, a requirement not a suggestion. Aftercare is after a "scene" is completed they engage in activities meant to create a bond and closeness. It's intimacy after the O!
How many times have us vanilla's complained that after sex, it's nappy time for him or her, and we want to cuddle? I'll go more into this in a later submission (hehe I got it in here neeeeneeeerrrrrr neeeeeeneeeerrrrrr) Because it's important and a lesson we can incorporate into our sex lives as non-practitioners of BDSM. Again I find myself trying to compare these practices with the more traditional sex components and it's a struggle. While there is no right or wrong way to have sex, there are certain aspect of the act that increase our bond to our partners, our level of intimacy and even boost our moods. I'm so keeping a cheat sheet going on what portions of the lifestyle I want incorporated into my own sex life, what I'm willing to explore and what would be a hard limit for me. I think it would be great fun to check out that CEPE activities list to start a discussion with my honey. :D
Back to my original point. These articles often are directed to "noobs" to give them a check list of both red-flags (no gos), what to expect and what not to tolerate. They clearly outline what is considered predatory and unethical. So here are a few examples.
Identifying Predatory Behaviour
When the unethical meet the unprepared
Risk Management
Dangerous Webmasters in BDSM
These again are written it seems to me to protect us nosey newbies and those people who have decided to dabble. These experienced practitioners know, understand and take measures to minimize risk to their partners physical, mental and emotional health. They, it appears, wish to ensure that people who are experimenting aren't being taken advantage of or abused. Which again is counter intuitive at first glance to this lifestyle.
There is something about the power exchange that is amazing to me. I can get it, on a submissive (I think) level. After 15 to 18 hours of work each day, managing the house, my business, my husband's business and being responsible for everything in our world it gets tiring. Decisions that require lightning fast responses then the constant questioning of ones self regarding those decisions. I have to think that at least sometime it might be nice to have at the least my sexual responsibilities and decisions made by someone else. I think of the freedom I might have to think of other things and explore a creative aspect rather than be bogged down at all times by the 101,498,384 responsibilities and decisions that go with waking up in the morning.
My understanding of the real underlying tenant of these relationships is trust and structure, in my rather loose grasp of the topic. How much trust can you place in another human being? (who naturally make mistakes, sorry we all do) How do you get in that head space that just allows you to be? I just don't know that answer. I'm one of those people who have a very high flight or fight response. I take only calculated risks and find that when something isn't just right, I have to make it so. There are certain things that I am simply compelled to do to provide a level of protection for my home and family. So while I can get it, I just don't know if I can get into it.
Now my comments here are just a tidbit of the actuality of what is the BDSM community. It's a tiny fraction of what there is to learn and only my take on what information I have gained so far. I thought I would just update where we are today. I'm interested to see where this takes me and how these entries develop.
So until next time, stay safe, stay sexy and as always...
Stay Curvy
XOXO
On the surface, it would appear that these are the givers to their receivers. That they would most benefit from a noobie they could take and "train" how they pleased. The majority of these articles, (I'll post em in a minute keep your panties on), are written as words of caution to the noobs to not fall prey to "unethical" practitioners.
I think a large part of the non BDSM of society sees these individuals as predators and without ethics. But from my reading, I see them as taking as stance against predatory actions, adding a sense of structure and quite a bit of credibility to their lifestyle. It's ironic to me because these individuals are seen often (by non-practitioners) as abusive, controlling, domineering etc... So to see these "types" issuing words of caution is quite contrary to initial belief.
Don't get me wrong, I've been spanked a few times and my first spanking came when I was 6 or 7 and my mother got out the dreaded belt. My older brother, who was 16 or 17 loves to tell the story. I had done some terrible thing and my mother bent me over the bed and in one fell swoop and crack the belt made such an impression I was across the bed like superman jumping a tall buildings in a single bound. Of the hundreds of family get togethers when the story is told (over and over again) apparently I peeked over the mattress and asked my brother "What was that?" After his fit of laughter he explained that "That, was a spanking". I don't have fond memories of that nor any of the ones to follow, and a severe aversion to pain.
I don't even like for butterflies to land on me cause it skeeves me out their little straw like proboscis and their sharp little bitty sticky feet attaching themselves to my skin. *shudders* I once slammed the car door on my thumb, because I was too concerned with getting off me the creepy little grasshopper that had landed on my leg that I forgot to move my hand as I was doing the "get it off getitoff GETITOFF don't let it get in the car" slamming the door dance. I know I have issues, so anyway.
I bring this up because regardless of this aversion to pain, suffering, bugs, and other creepy things I still find this community to be fascinating. It might be the level of rules and control they exhibit. I found on the CEPE page, it's a group in my area, a BDSM checklist of 200 questions. 200 freaking questions AND they clearly state that there will be more as required by the individual couple. Now, I'm thinking "there are an awful lot of rules" in addition to limits, hard limits and off-limits.
Then I think, how many times do "vanilla" couples have such an in-depth discussions of sexual likes, dislikes and don't even dream about its? The comparison is impossible. The only similarities I can see so far, is the penis to VaJayJay and/or anus for most hetro couples as well as mutual love and respect. (I'd really like to discuss straight vanilla which my understanding is no kink but anyhoo)
So before the onslaught of judgy pant people start, I'll just put my two cents in right now. Do Not Assume that you know the right way to show love and respect between all people. Listen, "your way" is NOT the only right way. K? K! Oh and if your blood pressure is rising from anger or disgust, you might want to stop reading cause it will only get worse. Toodles, see you when this segment is finished. :D Aaaaaaaand moving on...
So back to what I was thinking before I so rudely interrupted myself. This link CEPE Checklist has 200 various questions regarding different "kink" that a couple discusses, marks off etc...
I like the communication aspect of this. It's safer than the "Ya wanna get it on?" where the only discussed rule is to condom or not to condom. Seriously??!!??!! WTF? How are we vanillas missing this very basic form of intimacy? There is apparently a huge amount of preparation prior to the act, and a respect that is honestly, quite amazing to me. I've suggested in the past that we do a sexy letter day, or a weekly wish list with our partners regarding sex. These practitioners, actually perform this on a regular basis and stick to it. No slip ups or excuses. They acknowledge that what they prefer might be considered out of the ordinary and respectfully request permission.
Again, communication is such a huge aspect of intimacy and most of the couples I've spoken to find they are lacking in these areas. He or She doesn't know how or feel comfortable discussing sex, sexual fantasies, what feels good etc... so they rather quickly find that their sexual life and appetites begin to falter if not fall off completely. Yet depending on which study you look at, practitioners of BDSM show a markedly higher percentage of overall sexual satisfaction. So again, it's my belief that due to the extent of communication, in addition to actively pursuing their sexual pleasures within the "accepted" parameters of their sexual relationship, attributes immensely to this higher sexual satisfaction rate.
Now on to Permission? WTF. This entire experience is turning out to be quite the opposite of what I "saw" from the outside looking in. The Doms, Sadists and Tops have to get permission from their counterparts. This is not what one would initially see at first, second or 957,425,543.3 look. I think what most people of the "nilla" type see is abuse, degradation, etc... when in actuality, it's the receiver who elicits complete control. EDIT: There is a negotiation, so the parameters of the sexual interactions are pre-agreed upon. It's counterintuitive to those of us who are peeking in.
When you think of a scene in FSOG, any of them pretty much, or when you "accidentally" type in BDSM to your browser and stumble across some BDSM erotica. You, if you're a vanilla type, might initially see some poor woman or man being abused by a domineering, controlling ass hat. Yet, it's that poor little man or woman who have in part with their partner who have developed the parameters of acceptable, willing and "not gonna happen, ever". They like it and they hold to account their partner. They willingly give their consent to relinquish their own personal power of choice to their partner. (power-play more to follow, when I say so. :D) They have a say in what is or isn't allowed, they have a "safe word" that they are able to use at any time to cease the activity.
Unless we are discussing a Master/slave relationship. (Again more to come on this at a later date) This is yet another topic that will be followed up on. I so was not kidding about the intricacies of this particular sexual lifestyle and its practitioners. There is a huge amount of information out there, that is both interesting and I'll admit, a little intimidating. *still not sceered* ;)
A common practice called "aftercare" is also considered and outlined in their sexual communications. What is aftercare? It's where the couple spends time re-connecting and bond. Yes, bond and this is, in most practitioners lives, a requirement not a suggestion. Aftercare is after a "scene" is completed they engage in activities meant to create a bond and closeness. It's intimacy after the O!
How many times have us vanilla's complained that after sex, it's nappy time for him or her, and we want to cuddle? I'll go more into this in a later submission (hehe I got it in here neeeeneeeerrrrrr neeeeeeneeeerrrrrr) Because it's important and a lesson we can incorporate into our sex lives as non-practitioners of BDSM. Again I find myself trying to compare these practices with the more traditional sex components and it's a struggle. While there is no right or wrong way to have sex, there are certain aspect of the act that increase our bond to our partners, our level of intimacy and even boost our moods. I'm so keeping a cheat sheet going on what portions of the lifestyle I want incorporated into my own sex life, what I'm willing to explore and what would be a hard limit for me. I think it would be great fun to check out that CEPE activities list to start a discussion with my honey. :D
Back to my original point. These articles often are directed to "noobs" to give them a check list of both red-flags (no gos), what to expect and what not to tolerate. They clearly outline what is considered predatory and unethical. So here are a few examples.
Identifying Predatory Behaviour
When the unethical meet the unprepared
Risk Management
Dangerous Webmasters in BDSM
These again are written it seems to me to protect us nosey newbies and those people who have decided to dabble. These experienced practitioners know, understand and take measures to minimize risk to their partners physical, mental and emotional health. They, it appears, wish to ensure that people who are experimenting aren't being taken advantage of or abused. Which again is counter intuitive at first glance to this lifestyle.
There is something about the power exchange that is amazing to me. I can get it, on a submissive (I think) level. After 15 to 18 hours of work each day, managing the house, my business, my husband's business and being responsible for everything in our world it gets tiring. Decisions that require lightning fast responses then the constant questioning of ones self regarding those decisions. I have to think that at least sometime it might be nice to have at the least my sexual responsibilities and decisions made by someone else. I think of the freedom I might have to think of other things and explore a creative aspect rather than be bogged down at all times by the 101,498,384 responsibilities and decisions that go with waking up in the morning.
My understanding of the real underlying tenant of these relationships is trust and structure, in my rather loose grasp of the topic. How much trust can you place in another human being? (who naturally make mistakes, sorry we all do) How do you get in that head space that just allows you to be? I just don't know that answer. I'm one of those people who have a very high flight or fight response. I take only calculated risks and find that when something isn't just right, I have to make it so. There are certain things that I am simply compelled to do to provide a level of protection for my home and family. So while I can get it, I just don't know if I can get into it.
Now my comments here are just a tidbit of the actuality of what is the BDSM community. It's a tiny fraction of what there is to learn and only my take on what information I have gained so far. I thought I would just update where we are today. I'm interested to see where this takes me and how these entries develop.
So until next time, stay safe, stay sexy and as always...
Stay Curvy
XOXO
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Devling into
"fringes" of sex and sexuality...
Now the jury is out on whether or not I like the term "Fringe" but as in all things, fringe tends to be that close to the edge... thing. Whether it be a fringe science, a fringe religion or fringe sex. It's generally considered outside the norm. According to dictionary.com fringe is "Not part of the mainstream; unconventional, peripheral, or extreme" so I guess it applies here. The only issue I have with it is I believe it marginalizes an entire population of practitioners of "fringe sex".
So what is fringe sex?
Urban Dictionary say this:
1. fringe sex
The act of using one's fringe in order to give somebody sexual pleasure.
Particularly enjoyed by those who harbour a rather unusual fetish for fringes, fringe sex works best with a long straight fringe that can more easily be wrapped around the genitals.
MMMMMMMk, so let's go with my definition of fringe sex instead. (I might need to start a dictionary of my own for my made up words and such) *snore*
Fringe sex, in my opinion is any sexual act that exists outside the societal norm. Societal norm being the traditional man/woman, monogamous, whose on top type act. So it is very broad reaching. It can include all things outside the norm, homosexual, Bi-sexuality, BDSM, fetish, polygamy, threesomes, foursomes, moresomes, latex, food sex and the list goes on.
A lot of attention, due to some wildly popular publications of recent, has been shed on one fringe community as whole of late. I'm not entirely certain of how comfortable the community is being placed in this rather harsh light of suspicion, judgement and intrigue. That community is BDSM, and let me tell you in my research I have had the pleasure of meeting some pretty awesome practitioners. Shockingly they are less judgmental of me than most of society is of them. I'd like to take just a moment and relay what I've learned so far. We're working on a series of broadcasts to come in December and January with some experienced, intelligent practitioners. Here is the link to the show Sex Talk with Curvy.
It's here where I want to chronicle here my experiences with the culture as a whole. I also want to say, if you are stone cold set against any and/or all aspects of fringe sex, BDSM, Scene play etc... Just go ahead and find something else you will be more comfortable reading because this blog might not be comfortable for you. There is no reason for hate or judgement etc... To each their own, I promise not to judge you based on your ideals, experiences or desires and only ask the same in return.
So let me start by how this idea came to me. I was one of the last people to read the phenom Fifty Shades of Grey. (Slacker, I know, but work and such took precedence) Speaking of work, I've been in the adult industry for years. I started out doing home pleasure parties and have recently only expanded onto the world wide web with my estore etc... Blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. I do know what it's like to have someone ask what you do for a living and you have to come up with some way to gently explain, "Hey, I sell dildos and butt plugs, ya want one?" So the awkward silences that usually follow my common answer "I sell adult items to individuals and couples who are looking to add some other dimensions into their sex life and increase their levels of intimacy. I also do sexuality and intimacy sessions to help individuals as well as couples increase their awareness. I try to provide them with the tools they need to sustain a healthy sex life and intimacy within their relationship." are not that new to me.
Being in the adult industry, I have always known about fringe sex, but I never really knew it. Back to how this came to me, I was one of the people who couldn't understand the venom directed at FSOG by some members of the BDSM community as well as so many others. I thought, well it's great, women and men alike are inspired by this to explore their sexuality. How can this be bad? I'm not even sure where to start.
Sure it got people into exploring the kinkier side of sex. The majority of the BDSM community (I've talked to) doesn't have a problem with this per se. That is where the exposure and mild appreciation ends. Yup, that's pretty much it. I'm not doing a book review here, so I'll move on.
I was at a party several weekends ago and had on display all my cool Fifty Shades display merchandise as well as the trilogy. Super great sellers. When I had a gal come to me and asked if I realized I was promoting abuse and rape. Say whaaaaa? I never looked at it that way, I've always understood that the entirety of the community and participant interaction is based on consent. Now, I would never promote these things, I despise these acts, these crime against humanity. So it was rather shocking to me to be accused of promoting it.
In point of fact a few weeks prior to this accusation, I had scheduled another radio broadcast to air on the 10th of November. This particular show is about Sexual Trauma and recovery. So NO Miss Snarky Judgy pants lady I do not promote abuse or rape. When your head exits your ass, you might be able to see the light and stop with the judgements that are so off target. IJS
Anyhoo, this was the very second, after my deer in the headlights look and failed WTF response that I decided to explore this community, this culture. My first step in doing so was to visit Reddit's BDSMcommunity site and did some snooping. After doing some reading, posts and responses, articles etc... I thought to myself these are generally normal, healthy people. *Not scared* So I posted just a few days ago that I was looking for participants on a radio broadcast to shed some light and dispel some myth regarding the BDSM community. I got a few snarky pm's, but for the most part the responses were positive and open.
Again, I have only a loose understanding of even the meaning of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism). There is an entire myriad of other understandings. I had always added in there Dominance and Submission but according to Wikipedia it's not there. So here is the beginning of my confusion. The definition seems to be open to interpretation, I am learning that it depends on who you talk to.
One of my first responders was an individual who identified themselves as a bottom. Huh? So, there are Tops and bottoms as well. I believe there is some importance given to the capitalization of Top/Dom and bottom/sub as well but I've yet to have confirmations. Moving on, this individual I've yet to receive a response after my PM saying something to the tune of "great here's my personal email, please send me a short bio... etc " I'm chatty so there were probably 10,000 more words there that I forgot, I'm assuming that I scared the individual off. (Alas, assume does start with the word ASS, so I could be wrong, consider this my disclaimer)
The second response I got was something like "No one is going to talk to you without knowing what the interview will be like." or something to that effect. I thought, they are right! How insensitive of me. Yadda Yadda Yadda. I should have approached the topic with a little more sensitivity considering the light to which has been shined on the community and probably less like, well, me. Any how, the responder suggested another person who might be interested, so I went for it. :D Sent this other person an email.
Again it went something like the previously mentioned, tact is NOT my strong point. Deal with it, I have to. This person responded and was a complete joy to e-verse (yes, it's made up too. An email conversation = e-verse) with. I will admit that I was a little shaken when they identified themselves as a Sadist. I thought I couldn't get thrown, yet the word itself invoked in me almost a feeling akin to terror. (I watch entirely too much CSI and the like) I can deal with the term Dominant, Dom. etc... There, at this moment, seems something less threatening in that term. (at least I think I can, which more often than not, isn't the case) So after I changed my panties, I emailed the individual again. Was probably more chatty than usual (shocking right) but I was oddly compelled to show my worthiness and ability to conduct the interview in a manner befitting the community. I wanted the individual to like me, to grace me with their presence in the interview. So we shall see if I babbled my way into an awesome interview or right on out the damn door.
That's pretty odd for me, usually, I'm quite the opposite. There has never been anything stand, for long anyway, in my way when I wanted to go after something. I'm a little on the tenacious side. Or mule ass stubborn as my grandmother said. My honey even commented that I seemed a little thrown off my game. So it must have been bad, if he felt he should comment on it. He generally, just lets me be me and is happy when I'm acting my goofy self.
Thirdly there was a super excited response from an individual who identified themselves as a sub (submissive). I immediately liked this person and their excitement to share and dispel some of the misconceptions. Again, through e-verse I might have talked my way in or out of another awesome interview, I can only wait and see.
Then I went for a ride through FetLife. WOW um, ok sure. I had to take off my own judgy panties for this experience. FetLife isn't just BDSM, it's a whole lot more and some of the threads completely skeeved me out to the point of showering and diving into my power puff girls thermal jammies and into bed with the honey. Almost hiding under the covers. So for the sake of, well, me I'll just take this slow and yes, there will be some fetishes that I'll completely avoid because I just can't go there. No, won't go there. But there is a very active, welcoming & I dare say thriving BDSM population on FetLife. I even joined a group, the comfy chair. So let's just pretend I did not see some of the threads I did, and get the bleach for my brain. I might have gotten damaged. (puppies kitties and rainbows, puppies kitties and rainbows)
I'm approaching this entire series with an open mind and a desire to show the humanity of it all. I pride myself in saying I'm a humanist and as long as it's legal and with a willing partner I'm cool with it. This is still true, but again only for those things between participants of majority age who have given their willing consent to be engaged in such a manner. I'm so excited to get to do this exploration, probably more for myself that I will ever admit.
It's strange how utterly inviting it is to me, how oddly attracted I am to this topic. So we shall see how things either progress or digress. Many female readers of FSOG have found themselves empowered to explore some sexuality fringes, while others were completely disgusted with the entirety of the series. I will admit, it made me curious and a little randy. Even Dr. Ruth said she would sleep with Mr. Grey, the male figure in shades! (I'm not even sure what to call him now. Is he a Dominant or a Sadist? Or something else. I just don't know)
So this is going to be fun, exciting and a learning experience for me and I will share it with you all. Stay safe, stay sexy and as always...
Stay Curvy
XOXO
Now the jury is out on whether or not I like the term "Fringe" but as in all things, fringe tends to be that close to the edge... thing. Whether it be a fringe science, a fringe religion or fringe sex. It's generally considered outside the norm. According to dictionary.com fringe is "Not part of the mainstream; unconventional, peripheral, or extreme" so I guess it applies here. The only issue I have with it is I believe it marginalizes an entire population of practitioners of "fringe sex".
So what is fringe sex?
Urban Dictionary say this:
1. fringe sex
The act of using one's fringe in order to give somebody sexual pleasure.
Particularly enjoyed by those who harbour a rather unusual fetish for fringes, fringe sex works best with a long straight fringe that can more easily be wrapped around the genitals.
MMMMMMMk, so let's go with my definition of fringe sex instead. (I might need to start a dictionary of my own for my made up words and such) *snore*
Fringe sex, in my opinion is any sexual act that exists outside the societal norm. Societal norm being the traditional man/woman, monogamous, whose on top type act. So it is very broad reaching. It can include all things outside the norm, homosexual, Bi-sexuality, BDSM, fetish, polygamy, threesomes, foursomes, moresomes, latex, food sex and the list goes on.
A lot of attention, due to some wildly popular publications of recent, has been shed on one fringe community as whole of late. I'm not entirely certain of how comfortable the community is being placed in this rather harsh light of suspicion, judgement and intrigue. That community is BDSM, and let me tell you in my research I have had the pleasure of meeting some pretty awesome practitioners. Shockingly they are less judgmental of me than most of society is of them. I'd like to take just a moment and relay what I've learned so far. We're working on a series of broadcasts to come in December and January with some experienced, intelligent practitioners. Here is the link to the show Sex Talk with Curvy.
It's here where I want to chronicle here my experiences with the culture as a whole. I also want to say, if you are stone cold set against any and/or all aspects of fringe sex, BDSM, Scene play etc... Just go ahead and find something else you will be more comfortable reading because this blog might not be comfortable for you. There is no reason for hate or judgement etc... To each their own, I promise not to judge you based on your ideals, experiences or desires and only ask the same in return.
So let me start by how this idea came to me. I was one of the last people to read the phenom Fifty Shades of Grey. (Slacker, I know, but work and such took precedence) Speaking of work, I've been in the adult industry for years. I started out doing home pleasure parties and have recently only expanded onto the world wide web with my estore etc... Blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda. I do know what it's like to have someone ask what you do for a living and you have to come up with some way to gently explain, "Hey, I sell dildos and butt plugs, ya want one?" So the awkward silences that usually follow my common answer "I sell adult items to individuals and couples who are looking to add some other dimensions into their sex life and increase their levels of intimacy. I also do sexuality and intimacy sessions to help individuals as well as couples increase their awareness. I try to provide them with the tools they need to sustain a healthy sex life and intimacy within their relationship." are not that new to me.
Being in the adult industry, I have always known about fringe sex, but I never really knew it. Back to how this came to me, I was one of the people who couldn't understand the venom directed at FSOG by some members of the BDSM community as well as so many others. I thought, well it's great, women and men alike are inspired by this to explore their sexuality. How can this be bad? I'm not even sure where to start.
Sure it got people into exploring the kinkier side of sex. The majority of the BDSM community (I've talked to) doesn't have a problem with this per se. That is where the exposure and mild appreciation ends. Yup, that's pretty much it. I'm not doing a book review here, so I'll move on.
I was at a party several weekends ago and had on display all my cool Fifty Shades display merchandise as well as the trilogy. Super great sellers. When I had a gal come to me and asked if I realized I was promoting abuse and rape. Say whaaaaa? I never looked at it that way, I've always understood that the entirety of the community and participant interaction is based on consent. Now, I would never promote these things, I despise these acts, these crime against humanity. So it was rather shocking to me to be accused of promoting it.
In point of fact a few weeks prior to this accusation, I had scheduled another radio broadcast to air on the 10th of November. This particular show is about Sexual Trauma and recovery. So NO Miss Snarky Judgy pants lady I do not promote abuse or rape. When your head exits your ass, you might be able to see the light and stop with the judgements that are so off target. IJS
Anyhoo, this was the very second, after my deer in the headlights look and failed WTF response that I decided to explore this community, this culture. My first step in doing so was to visit Reddit's BDSMcommunity site and did some snooping. After doing some reading, posts and responses, articles etc... I thought to myself these are generally normal, healthy people. *Not scared* So I posted just a few days ago that I was looking for participants on a radio broadcast to shed some light and dispel some myth regarding the BDSM community. I got a few snarky pm's, but for the most part the responses were positive and open.
Again, I have only a loose understanding of even the meaning of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism). There is an entire myriad of other understandings. I had always added in there Dominance and Submission but according to Wikipedia it's not there. So here is the beginning of my confusion. The definition seems to be open to interpretation, I am learning that it depends on who you talk to.
One of my first responders was an individual who identified themselves as a bottom. Huh? So, there are Tops and bottoms as well. I believe there is some importance given to the capitalization of Top/Dom and bottom/sub as well but I've yet to have confirmations. Moving on, this individual I've yet to receive a response after my PM saying something to the tune of "great here's my personal email, please send me a short bio... etc " I'm chatty so there were probably 10,000 more words there that I forgot, I'm assuming that I scared the individual off. (Alas, assume does start with the word ASS, so I could be wrong, consider this my disclaimer)
The second response I got was something like "No one is going to talk to you without knowing what the interview will be like." or something to that effect. I thought, they are right! How insensitive of me. Yadda Yadda Yadda. I should have approached the topic with a little more sensitivity considering the light to which has been shined on the community and probably less like, well, me. Any how, the responder suggested another person who might be interested, so I went for it. :D Sent this other person an email.
Again it went something like the previously mentioned, tact is NOT my strong point. Deal with it, I have to. This person responded and was a complete joy to e-verse (yes, it's made up too. An email conversation = e-verse) with. I will admit that I was a little shaken when they identified themselves as a Sadist. I thought I couldn't get thrown, yet the word itself invoked in me almost a feeling akin to terror. (I watch entirely too much CSI and the like) I can deal with the term Dominant, Dom. etc... There, at this moment, seems something less threatening in that term. (at least I think I can, which more often than not, isn't the case) So after I changed my panties, I emailed the individual again. Was probably more chatty than usual (shocking right) but I was oddly compelled to show my worthiness and ability to conduct the interview in a manner befitting the community. I wanted the individual to like me, to grace me with their presence in the interview. So we shall see if I babbled my way into an awesome interview or right on out the damn door.
That's pretty odd for me, usually, I'm quite the opposite. There has never been anything stand, for long anyway, in my way when I wanted to go after something. I'm a little on the tenacious side. Or mule ass stubborn as my grandmother said. My honey even commented that I seemed a little thrown off my game. So it must have been bad, if he felt he should comment on it. He generally, just lets me be me and is happy when I'm acting my goofy self.
Thirdly there was a super excited response from an individual who identified themselves as a sub (submissive). I immediately liked this person and their excitement to share and dispel some of the misconceptions. Again, through e-verse I might have talked my way in or out of another awesome interview, I can only wait and see.
Then I went for a ride through FetLife. WOW um, ok sure. I had to take off my own judgy panties for this experience. FetLife isn't just BDSM, it's a whole lot more and some of the threads completely skeeved me out to the point of showering and diving into my power puff girls thermal jammies and into bed with the honey. Almost hiding under the covers. So for the sake of, well, me I'll just take this slow and yes, there will be some fetishes that I'll completely avoid because I just can't go there. No, won't go there. But there is a very active, welcoming & I dare say thriving BDSM population on FetLife. I even joined a group, the comfy chair. So let's just pretend I did not see some of the threads I did, and get the bleach for my brain. I might have gotten damaged. (puppies kitties and rainbows, puppies kitties and rainbows)
I'm approaching this entire series with an open mind and a desire to show the humanity of it all. I pride myself in saying I'm a humanist and as long as it's legal and with a willing partner I'm cool with it. This is still true, but again only for those things between participants of majority age who have given their willing consent to be engaged in such a manner. I'm so excited to get to do this exploration, probably more for myself that I will ever admit.
It's strange how utterly inviting it is to me, how oddly attracted I am to this topic. So we shall see how things either progress or digress. Many female readers of FSOG have found themselves empowered to explore some sexuality fringes, while others were completely disgusted with the entirety of the series. I will admit, it made me curious and a little randy. Even Dr. Ruth said she would sleep with Mr. Grey, the male figure in shades! (I'm not even sure what to call him now. Is he a Dominant or a Sadist? Or something else. I just don't know)
So this is going to be fun, exciting and a learning experience for me and I will share it with you all. Stay safe, stay sexy and as always...
Stay Curvy
XOXO
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